Lame excuses for getting off tickets

[Subike]

Traveling up east coast past Kaikora
Christmass tree lights
Fawwk!
Pull up as quick as I could, get off bike, remove helmet.
"any reason for doing 117kph?"
"Just comming down that hill and around the bend, late apex corner and powerd out, you got me just as I was about to back off""
"mmmm, you stopped pretty quickly"
"good brakes"
"Licence?"
Hand over licence, class 2 only, bugger
" Bike WOF & Reg?"
"yes"
" where you heading"
"mitai valley ralley nelson"
"keep the speed down and get your proper licence"
Officer hands back licence, gets into car, waves and drives off.

Total conversation

Moral, dont give shit, you dont get shit, fewer words said, quicker the time on side of road.

[madbikeboy]

A few years ago (well, more than a few), we were sitting in my Holden wagon, coming back from a dawn mission at Pakari, my mate Luke driving. Six of us in the HQ, no reg, no wof, and it was leaking trans fluid, sticky starter solenoid, no back window. Six surfboards. You get the picture.

So, we're cruising back and we hit some overtaking lanes Luke, for whatever reason, sticks to the right lane - i guess he figured there were no other cars, so WTF.

Plod is sitting at the end of the overtaking lane, pulls us over.

Cop walks up to the window, asks what we were doing in the overtaking lane, when there are signs to keep left.

Luke says we were overtaking.

Cop says, overtaking what, we were the only the car on the road?

Luke says - holy shit, strangest thing, we were overtaking this car, and just like on star trek, it dematerialised...!

Cop, obviously human, starts laughing so hard that he walks back to his car without another word.

Oh to be 18 again.

[ynot slow]

Doing about 115km going home from work yesterday,pulled over asap.
Any excuse for speeding sir?No not really I replied,but the guy who asked me to work for him this morning will get the bill.

Cop just about pissed himself,and said so you were'nt sposed to be at work today.No I replied,and when I get home I have to help my wife set up for her sons' wedding,she wasn't happy I went to work as I was supposed to be off and help her etc at the hall.Which I said work was lesser of two evils.

Also what happened was a car in front of me was doing about 110km or so,and as I stopped and the other car saw me stop,he obviously thought shit hot and carried on.I had his rego so would have told the cop if he wanted to issue ticket,but he just said ride safe and enjoy the day.

He was happy to chat about the bike and other stuff,generally a nice guy,as he said the attitude they get from the speedster towards them helps,especially in tight situations,he could/would have given me a ticket if I was a wanker towards him.

[saltydog]

Not even worth saying a thing these days. Unless you were justifably correct in your actions, the coppers will 9 times out of 10 slap you with a fine. That's the way they work these days.

[scumdog]

Not even worth saying a thing these days. Unless you were justifably correct in your actions, the coppers will 9 times out of 10 slap you with a fine. That they way they work these days.

You must talk yourself into them then.

With me it's about 4 warnings for every 5 or 6 tickets I write out.

Deserving people get tickets...are you one?

[MVnut]

You must talk yourself into them then.

With me it's about 4 warnings for every 5 or 6 tickets I write out.

Deserving people get tickets...are you one?

So have ya heard this one SD...."I was going flat out because last month my wife ran off with a cop...I thought you were him and you wanted to give her back"

[fireliv]

Heard this excuse the other day

IN explaination the defendant said he was speeding as he was heading to the petrol station to get condoms as he had a naked female in his house waiting for him.

Unfortunatly it didnt fly with the copper

[scumdog]

So have ya heard this one SD...."I was going flat out because last month my wife ran off with a cop...I thought you were him and you wanted to give her back"

Oh, only about once a month...

[MVnut]

Okay so my jokes are crap...............

[Goblin]

I've had a cop make up an excuse for me. Was riding by myself but a mate was driving with my kids in the car. I got in front of them and was going a little fast as a cop was coming towards me. immediately put his lights on and did a U-ey. I stopped to beg for mercy but he asked if I was catching up to the bikes further up the road so all i could do was nod and agree. He told me to slow down as the cops closer to Tauranga wouldnt be so forgiving. I thanked him and took his advice and slowed down.

[blossomsowner]

was travelling between hamilton and paeroa in the car complete with family on the back roads doing a mild 120 or so. Cop appears coming the other way.....lights go on and sirens and he does a screeching u turn behind. Doesn't quite make it round in one go (i'm watching in mirrors as i slow down) and needs to back up a bit .....but he had overdone it and the front of his car was just off the road and bumper was getting pinged on electric fence.

i stopped and reversed back to him..he is out by now and looking pretty pissed...

long story shorter.........it ended with my wife driving the cop car and me and him and another passer by pushing to eventually get it out.....it had nothing to hook a tow rope onto either. He was suitably embarrassed but rather than thanking us he mumbled something about "can't really give you a ticket for speeding after you helped me out of there....mumble blah goodbye"

it made our afternoon.

[blossomsowner]

one more story........riding from napier to taupo on my gsx750 (long time ago) and weather was beautiful but cold so i'm in a hurry to get into taupo and stop to warm up a bit. Problem is bike was not running properly due to some problem with the electronic bits.

Anyway ahead in the distance a copper is heading this way and as he flashes past all his lights come on and he spins it around. I see this in my mirrors and stop and park nicely to wait for him
c thanks for stopping
m no problem (not telling him that if my bike was running right I would have been safely sitting in a warm cafe in Taupo before he finished turning round)
c did you know you were speeding
m no, i have no instrument panel but the traffic I was overtaking did seem to be going slowly
c you were doing 151kmh
m oh dear
c do you have a warrant of fitness
m no, no speedo so can't get one
c registration
m no, don't have a warrant so why bother
c why don't you have instruments
m crashed bike and broke them and thats the last piece to still get, 2nd hand set is $700
c ok i will ticket you just for speeding and forget the rest..........


that was a long time ago before the loss of licence thing came in. Had to go to court to collect fine but when the incident happened the cop was genuinely good about the whole deal.

[DingoZ]

Highway Patrol sitting on the side of the road with radar gun at the ready
...
Slow day...not many punters
...
Up in the distance appears a fast moving "boy racer car"
....
Woosh...past the highway guy at 150km per hour
...
Highway guy throws gun down and gives chase
....
Pulls said boy racer over..
...
Walks up to window, ticket book in hand...
...
Boy racer winds down window..
...

Highway officer.." I've been waiting for you all day"

Boy Racer.."Well I got here as fast as I could.."

Highway officer....."On ya way son" ( No ticket )

[Timber020]

Hows this for unbelievable, my wife demanded that she get a ticket because she didnt want to be let off just because of her job at the time.


I drove like a madman when crossing the US, I was on a airport mission from Chicago to St Paul with my friend in her mildly worked camaro. I was nailing it all the way and got pulled up alot. Luckily most cops would ask for my "real" license when they saw my international one, of course back then we had the paper type ones, "You have got to be shitting me boy" was the common comment when I handed them my paper license.
I tried a few excuses. I told a couple that we had autobahns in NZ so were used to speeding, and that I thought the speedo was in KM per hour. But found the best thing was when they started taking down my details I would say I was from rewewhakaitu st, Ngauawahia county in Whakatane (as whakatane was on my license) You should have seen the cops trying to get there heads around those placenames.
One got REALLY pissed when I insisted that we didnt have zip codes. Had to show him a postcard to my mum and dad to prove it, which was addressed "sean and marilyn, rd1, Atiamuri, NZ" Yeah not even a last name!
So far I havent got the warrant for my arrest for not paying the $3500 worth of tickets.

[awayatc]

Many years ago my uncle told me this one, he reckoned it happened one night in Germany when he was on shift...

All vehicles had to stop for the drivers to be breathalised at a checkpoint, boozebus and all.....
The line of slow moving cars came to an unexpected halt a hundred or so meters away from the actual checkpoint....
Some officers went over to investigate the reason for this interuption, and saw 2 elderly gentleman, very obviously intoxicated, sitting in the back of a mercedes.

"Does this vehicle belong to you ?"
"Yes" replies one of the fellows....."Is Mine"..
"who was driving?"...
"no idea, " says the old fellow, giggling away....

(More and more cars are still lining up behind this vehicle...)

"What do you mean, no idea....?"
"Well" goes the guy, "we were in the pub having a few drinks, and are well over the limit. So we want to leave the car at the pub, and call a taxi......
This nice young fellow in the pub hears of this and offers to drive us home in our own car....
Said he lived nearby, said he had a licence and looked sober........
So we get in the car, he drives us till here, untill we stop for your checkpoint......at which point he got out of the car for a piss.........."

No officer, never seen the guy before, don't know his name...

Police officer drove car out of the que (quite long by now)
Old fellows pissing their pants laughing in the back....

No fine......