Police Infringement Bureau secures jrandom as satisfied customer

**jrandom** · 24th July 2008, 12:50

We're always complaining about the cops on this forum, so I thought I'd share a positive story for a change.

Y'see, the other weekend, I was ticketed twice, by two different Highway Patrol officers, for speeding on the Napier-Taupo road.

Of course, being, as I am, a reckless and dangerous lawbreaker, I was already on 125 points and awaiting a suspension letter.

Fortunately, it turned out that paying both those new tickets quick-smart and getting the points from them onto my licence before I surrendered it would mean that I'd get it back free of any demerit points three months later.

So I trotted into the Parnell Westpac, brace of tickets in hand, and paid my $290.

A week of hiding under the bed every time the licence collector man knocks on the door passes, and I call LTNZ to check whether the points have been recorded against my licence.

Nope. Call the Police Infringement Bureau, they say.

So I do.

PIB: "One of the tickets you mention, yes, jolly good, thank you for paying that, it takes up to two weeks to record the points with LTNZ."

Hmm. OK. Fuckin' bureaucracy.

But the other ticket?

PIB: "Sorry, sir, we have no record of that other ticket being issued."

Me: "I got it two weeks ago! The lazy snake that wrote it must have left it sitting in his glovebox. I have his officer number here; can you call him and give him a tickle-up so that I can get this processed onto my licence?"

PIB: "ROFL. LOL. LMAO. Of course not. Fuck off."

Me: "You suck. I'm calling the PCA."

PIB: "Awesome! Here's their 0800 number."

*ring ring*

*ring ring*

PCA: "Hi there. Share and enjoy!"

Me: "Uh. Thanks. Officer TRG906 is a slackarse. Can you give him a tickle-up? I want these points on my licence so that they get cleared when I surrender it."

PCA: "Office TRG906 does indeed sound like a lazy motherfucker. However, it takes about six months to go through our complaint process. I reckon you should just call Inspector Spongebob* back at the PIB. He doesn't like lazy motherfuckers."

* name changed for privacy reasons

Me: "Sweet."

*ring ring*

*ring ring*

Inspector Spongebob: "Hi there, citizen. How may I protect and serve you today?"

Me: "Officer TRG906 is a lazy motherfucker. I've paid my tickets and I want the points recorded already so that they're not still there when I finish my suspension. Can you give him a tickle-up?"

Inspector Spongebob: "Sure. I'll call you back once I've gotten hold of him."

*fast forward to later*

*jrandom's cellphone rings*

Inspector Spongebob: "Officer TRG906 has been duly chastised. Your ticket is now in the system. My apologies for the inconvenience. Please don't hesitate to call back in future should you experience further difficulties receiving just and timely penalties for your vicious crimes."

Me: "Thank you, Inspector Spongebob. I want to be a policeman when I grow up."

So, folks, the moral of the story is, if bureacracy is mucking you around, there's almost always some codgy underworked old bastard in Wellington who'll be more than happy to hurry it along.

**enigma51** · 24th July 2008, 12:54

Whoooooo lives in pinaplle under the sea

**vifferman** · 24th July 2008, 12:54

Awwwww....
That was a really lovely little story, Mr jrandom.

It brought a smile to my dial, and a wee tear to my eye.

Please tell us another one.

**jrandom** · 24th July 2008, 12:55

Originally Posted by enigma51

Whoooooo lives in pinaplle under the sea

Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!

**R6_kid:Me** · 24th July 2008, 12:58

Seems that all the 'good' cops are either investigating real crime, or in an office in wellington. Pity it's such an effort to get things sorted out quick smart.

**fireball** · 24th July 2008, 13:02

im surprised you can hide under you bed.......

**jrandom** · 24th July 2008, 13:08

Originally Posted by fireball

im surprised you can hide under you bed...

I am a man of many talents.

**sels1** · 24th July 2008, 13:17

Good story
Shame about the 3 month walk.
A least you will have it back for summer

**oldrider** · 24th July 2008, 13:20

It must be an age thing.

When I finished reading that I sort of felt like I had just been talking to a turkey complaining about thanksgiving taking too long to get here!

I wonder how I will know when dementia actually takes over.

Cheers John.

**sinfull** · 24th July 2008, 13:25

Originally Posted by oldrider

It must be an age thing.

When I finished reading that I sort of felt like I had just been talking to a turkey complaining about thanksgiving taking too long to get here!

I wonder how I will know when dementia actually takes over.

Cheers John.

There ya go John ! Remember posting that ?

**sinfull** · 24th July 2008, 13:26

Originally Posted by oldrider

It must be an age thing.

When I finished reading that I sort of felt like I had just been talking to a turkey complaining about thanksgiving taking too long to get here!

I wonder how I will know when dementia actually takes over.

Cheers John.

There ya go John ! Remember posting that ?

**oldrider** · 24th July 2008, 13:40

Originally Posted by sinfull

There ya go John ! Remember posting that ?

Who the hell is John?????

**ManDownUnder** · 24th July 2008, 13:44

Originally Posted by sels1

Good story
Shame about the 3 month walk.
A least you will have it back for summer

Stickchick can take him pillion... get some of her own back on him...

**KiwiRat** · 24th July 2008, 14:07

So what happens if you "miss" the licence collector guy when he makes his couple of attempts to contact you?

I got a couple of flyers with a Baycorp letterhead, and a cellphone number, along with the cryptic "Call me, insert name here."

I'm not behind on any debt, so in the bin they went.

Turns out he's the guy with the 3 month bus ticket.

Can I surrender my licence, or do I have to wait for the next checkpoint? I would prefer not to be stuck on the side of the road having to ring for a trailer home, know what I mean?