Bugger

**Howsie** · 5th January 2009, 19:28

Toaster, i feel for you matey. Having never met you, you seem like a really good bloke. Hopefully you can find the silver lining in all of this and get to where you want to be

Hearing that you have a son I would implore you to try and keep the bike. A few reasons:

1. I would imagine that he would have an interest in bikes
2. Its a bloody nice bike (Want one myself one day)
3. If I was your son, I would be over the moon if my Dad, when he visited, turned up on the big mean Hyabusa. I believe its an inspirational thing to behold as you are his hero (no matter what, and i still remember the feeling) and he will always want to be like you. So perhaps giving up on the bike he could perceive as giving up on what you love?

Dont want to give you any more stuff to think about so ill stop there.

BTW was it you i saw out at Maraetai Wharf Store on Boxing Day or that weekend on a black busa with a pillion?

**tommygun** · 5th January 2009, 19:29

Chin up Toaster. Things change and sometimes it hurts big time.
Remember you can always change your future never your past.
And like a few on here have said you are always the father/dad. Blood is blood and that never changes.
Took me a while to get use to not being around my boy, that was 12 odd years ago and now my 15 year old thinks I'm the cool dad (because, he doesn't live with me

)
Bit like binning the bike, hurt like hell but forced myself to go on and ended up meeting someone else a year or two later. Got married, couple of kids etc etc.
No matter how dark it seems now you can and will get through it.

**BarBender** · 5th January 2009, 20:15

We've never met - but Im sorry to hear.

Being broken and having physically said goodbye to my children at one point in my life, Im thankful that they never for one moment believed I went anywhere.

All the best with the next few months.

**Storm** · 5th January 2009, 20:52

Sad to hear that mate.Keep your chin up, take each day one at a time and work at sorting out the new way of life. Thinking of you

**Robbo** · 5th January 2009, 21:34

Very Sorry to hear your news Toaster. You have always come across as a very nice guy and i am sure everything will work them selves out no matter what direction this may take.
All the very best mate.
Cheers

**Ixion** · 5th January 2009, 21:41

I will not presume to comment on the emotional pain you must be feeling. But noone has mentioned the point you made about your health failing. That must, I suggest , be your first priority. If you have your health, all other things can be sorted. Without health , everything else will be a struggle.

Do whatever is required (I do not mean to lecture, it is but a suggestion), to rebuild your health and constitution.

Often such a physical collapse is a manifestation of the emotional strain the body is under. Do not hesitate , or be too proud, to seek support from those able and willing to offer it (and there are many here). Pride is a very good thing, but false pride that prevents healing is very bad.

**NinjaNanna** · 6th January 2009, 16:18

Originally Posted by Toaster

To my mates on bikes,

I haven't been around biker circles for a while and have not had time to surf or email due to ever more pressured life circumstances.

Very sadly Diane and I have separated after an extremely difficult and complicated 2008. That year brought much misery and pressure to us both beyond that which we could bear. It would be our 12th wedding anniversary this 18th January.

Shit happened big time and we reached breaking point after I made some huge errors in judgement during a rather spectacular breakdown and my health has failed me. I will move out of our beloved rural home and move into an apartment in the city this week, if not tonight.

Hopefully the bike will make it there too - I am sure I can squeeze it into the carpark along with the car, although I have a horrible feeling it will have to be sold.

Failing as a Husband and a Dad has been the greatest humiliation of my life. Its my little family that deserve sympathy and love, not me.

Cam.

Not knowing you or your circumstances I can only comment on the contents of your post - but from what I read there is definate remorse for your part in the problem - so with some honesty and hard work perhaps this may only be a temporary seperation?

**Toaster** · 24th February 2009, 02:27

Hi all,

This is my first time back on KB in a long time. Thankyou for the encouraging PM's, rep comments and posts in the threads. I have just read them all and thank each of you for your support.

As an update I have just moved back home last night. This will be no walk in the park after all that has happened..... and believe me if you knew the facts.... most of you would freak. Even I struggle with all that has happened over the past 5 or so months.

I am very fortunate to be here at home with my wife Diane, son Mitchell and now our brand new baby daughter Samara.... just a few weeks old and very much like her big brother. Cute and feisty!

There is about an inch of dust on the Hayabusa..... will need a good clean and ride I think! (although sadly it will likely be sold.....)

Cam.

**Nasty** · 24th February 2009, 02:31

Heya Cam

Good to see you are still around ... and giving things as best a shot as possible.

Sending positive thoughts to ya ...

Kia kaha.

**Mom** · 24th February 2009, 07:16

One day at a time Cam, that is all you have to do. Really pleased to hear you have moved back home. Before you sell the busa, come up for a coffee eh?

**ManDownUnder** · 24th February 2009, 07:30

Originally Posted by Mom

One day at a time Cam, that is all you have to do. Really pleased to hear you have moved back home.

What she said man... also - it's not going to mean much right now - but it really does take two to tango. I don't know what's happened - and to be honest I really don't want to but no matter what the problem there will a contribution to it from both sides and that's a view you'll need to work towards - together.

One day at a time. Stand strong and be the best you that you can.

I'll absolutely guarantee your posts here have touched a lot of people who read and relate.

**Blossom** · 24th February 2009, 07:56

Good on you for not giving up.
You have support on here, I know lots of us have never met but I am sure there are many who can relate and offer encouragement when the going gets hard.
Many positive thoughts going your and your wifes way.

**sinfull** · 24th February 2009, 08:20

Originally Posted by Toaster

Hi all,

This is my first time back on KB in a long time. Thankyou for the encouraging PM's, rep comments and posts in the threads. I have just read them all and thank each of you for your support.

As an update I have just moved back home last night. This will be no walk in the park after all that has happened..... and believe me if you knew the facts.... most of you would freak. Even I struggle with all that has happened over the past 5 or so months.

I am very fortunate to be here at home with my wife Diane, son Mitchell and now our brand new baby daughter Samara.... just a few weeks old and very much like her big brother. Cute and feisty!

There is about an inch of dust on the Hayabusa..... will need a good clean and ride I think! (although sadly it will likely be sold.....)

Cam.

Good luck to ya dude, don't know you or your familly (but do heart felt hope things work out for ya)
You may have made some fuckups but as we all are, your human !
I have made my share of fuckups and it has cost me a relationship (where a child was involved) in the past !
BUT i have read twice now, where you have mentioned the busa and that it may have to "sadly" be sold !
Are you financially in the shit and it's the toys that have to go ? As finances are 9 times out of ten the reason relationships get strained !
If so ignore the rest of my post !
Or am i correct in reading between the lines here ?
I think (sometimes i speak before i think, which may be the case here, but it will hurt no'one for me to spend a few minutes writing this, or you, OR your wife for that matter to read it) that if someone were to give up something they love, purely because the other partner in the relationship wants it gone (for whatever reason, be it that they are just not into it, or cannot enjoy it because of being in child etc), then where is the love ? That aint a loving relationship, it's a controlling one !

Been there and done that ! Lady loved the outlaw, outlaw fell for the lady, changed his ways as the lady wanted, then the lady fucked off with another outlaw !

If you need to sell your bike (you clearly dont want to) for financial reasons, shit happens !
If you sell your bike purely because she wants it gone, then that is the mother of all (suckup) fuckups !
If your wife wants it gone purely for selfish reasons, then that is the fuckup of all mothers !

Do what you must to feed your family !
You may have had a moment (breakdown etc) Stand up, put ya shoulders back and move on !
Don't become a broken breadwinner ! You may regret that later and i don't know many women who really like that in a man (the odd dominetrix perhaps) Some do try, but hey, thats SOME woman for ya !
Your relationship sounds like it became strained during a period that many do.
Some make it through and come out the other end as a team that are hard to fault !
Some spend years hating it AND each other for the sake of the kids, where it's the kids that only end up full of hate !

My 2 c worth !

**vifferman** · 24th February 2009, 08:21

Originally Posted by Toaster

I have just moved back home last night. ...
I am very fortunate to be here at home with my wife Diane, son Mitchell and now our brand new baby daughter Samara.... just a few weeks old and very much like her big brother. Cute and feisty!

That's all good stuff, Cam, and a big step forward.
I hope it all works out for you.