This morning's traffic (Auckland, where else?)

**madbikeboy** · 2nd March 2009, 07:53

I'm struggling with sleep at the moment, so I headed into work in the cage at 6 am - only to be confronted with a tail of cars along Barry's Point Road going nowhere fast.

So, I turned around, drove home, ate breakfast listening to the sound of the surf gently washing and the persistant whining of the yet to be fed pooches...

There's something really nice about the world being on pause.

After a very pleasant sunrise, I geared up, and rode Scoot into work. The road was perfectly clear, and the ride in was pleasant. Well, the road was perfectly clear for bikes - wouldn't have wanted to be one of those poor saps sitting in their cars fuming in the complete gridlock on the Norf Shaw.

**portokiwi** · 2nd March 2009, 07:56

Heard that on the radio this morning.
Nice sunny day though

**vifferman** · 2nd March 2009, 08:26

Yeah, WTF was up with the traffic today? I know university starts today (Troglodyte #3 fished out his bag for the first time since November, to discover summat that may once have been an apple living inside it), so maybe that's it.
Whatever - it was fookin loony!
Onewa Road: asian lady in fogged up car suddenly decides to change to the left lane at the lights - why I dunno, as she would've had to change back again.
The intersection was pandemonium - everyone trying to stuff themselves in because the light was green, but there was nowhere to go! Fuckwits.

SO, I squeeeeeze past the two buses and a truck (showing the much skinnier scroter behind me how it's done), and only a couple of hundred metres further on the traffic in the transit lane's not moving. The guy on the VF400 in front of me takes the 'pedestrian lane' to get around the sugar tanker. WTF?!? The tanker's just stopped, completely blocking the lane, nothing in front of him. I suspect he got in the left lane, thinking he could change back, but traffic was nose-to-tail, and not moving, so no show.
So, I follow the VF, being a master at this, and give the bike some throttle to launch it off the curb and over the shrapnel still there from a minivan and car having a violent discussion the other week.

Less than 100m down the road, the traffic's stopped again, but this time I can see why. Some fuckwit has spied the Transit Igor and doesn't want to get pinged, so just stopped dead, flicked the indicator on, and waits. Luckily, I can handle this chicane, despite the car driver doing his best to angle across and block the lane: I go to the right of the car behind him, around in front of it, then to the left of the fuckwit, giving him a three second three-horned greeting as I go past. [I shouldn't do that I guess - sooner or later someone's going to catch up with The Phantom Horner and give me.... something unpleasant...]

So, I'm now on full alert, and sure enough, nearly every intersection has some form of danger, and the between-intersection bits aren't much better.
(I'm thinking, "This is what biking's about - danger! Battling the fuckwittery of the average communterer! Being totally awake!" Or summat like that...)

But I got to work safely! Yay!
But couldn't do a celbratory wheelie up the drive because it was wet and slippery.

Weird.
Dry in Burk-in-the-head, rainy in Albania.

Tomorrow I have to go early, and take the wife's car. New game plan and route required....

**tide** · 2nd March 2009, 08:34

Transit was changing the lane barrier on the bridge... only 2 lanes were open south bound till 7am... sucks to have been in a cage...

**madbikeboy** · 2nd March 2009, 08:35

I've got to spread it around. Damnit, can someone tell me how to do a chron job for auto blinging my favourites each day?

Anyhow - it was raining on the coast, a sun shower, so the roads were wet leaving home. Dried out around Mill-fud, (so named for the fuddie duddies driving around with blue hair). Old people drive the same way hedgehogs fuck. Slowly and carefully.

I had no such blockages or chicanes to navigate or circumvent. Just miles of empty cannonball lanes. Bus lane was dry and bus free. Over the bridge there were the normal numpties doing their "charge into the breach" impressions. Honestly, a lot of the worst offenders are chicks - they're normally the ones advocating putting it in slowly and gently to start with...

I'm visiting the Hampton Downs people today to discuss my free track days for life - so it's actually a good day to have Scoot with me.

**Finn** · 2nd March 2009, 08:36

The answer my friends, is very simple.

Both Transit and Council are grossly incompetent coupled with the fact that kiwi's have struggled to master the mechanics of the motor vehicle.

Don't like that answer? Then perhaps there's a master plan to completely grid lock the traffic to the point private motor vehicles will be banned and public transport will be the only means. Surely this has got to be the only logical answer as I can't believe traffic planners can be this retarded.

**vifferman** · 2nd March 2009, 08:53

Originally Posted by Finn

I can't believe traffic planners can't be this retarded.

Mebbe they just underestimated the retardness of the great unwashed masses?

**Tank** · 2nd March 2009, 08:57

Wife was stuck this morning way back in Albany. Normally takes her less than 10 minutes to get to work - this morning over 45 mins!!!!

This is the worst I have seen traffic around the shore since 'ages ago'.

**vifferman** · 2nd March 2009, 08:59

Originally Posted by madbikeboy

I'm visiting the Hampton Downs people today to discuss my free track days for life - so it's actually a good day to have Scoot with me.

Don't you have work to do?

**Mikkel** · 2nd March 2009, 09:01

Originally Posted by vifferman

Mebbe they just underestimated the retardness of the great unwashed masses?

They always do...

Traffic was quite heavy here in Chch as well - nothing near as bad as what you describe, but certainly heavier than usual. If this development keeps up I may have to get some narrower handlebars for the motard.

**vifferman** · 2nd March 2009, 09:07

Originally Posted by Tank

This is the worst I have seen traffic around the shore since 'ages ago'.

I'm 'shore' you've just forgetted how bad it can be.

In hindwardsight, I'm pleased I left late (pissed around at home doing chores, then returned the Satantune from Stealth mode back to KombatKaosKommuter mode). I still arrived at work on time, but the at the time annoyances were in hindwardsight actually interesting challenges. And I had a bit of fun with a guy on a red VTR1000 who roared off up the motorway directly ahead of me. (I'd forgotten the torque and acceleration they have compared to an out-of-tune VFR in the wrong gear). I reeled him in, then showed him my best chicanery skills, making progress through the mobile chicane that is the Northern M'way.
He probably thought I was a plonker.

**Swoop** · 2nd March 2009, 09:53

We also have to thank the new onramp traffic flow lights. They have naicely added to the commuter chaos.
Does anyone take notice of the lights? I know I sure don't, and when there is no (repeat, NO) cars on the road, yet the lights are still working

it is superb fun trying to "hit the green" at 150. The flash of green as you flash by is simple entertainment, but fun never-the-less.
Traffic was badderer for some reason. Only one mirrorectomy though.

**Finn** · 2nd March 2009, 09:59

Another explanation could be that due to the financial crisis, all the slack arse unionists who know more about workers rights than anything else in their miserable meaningless lives, have suddenly woken up to reality and showed up for work today.

This could account for an extra 200,000 vehicles on Auckland's roads this morning. However, this will have absolutely no impact on our extremely low rate of productivity.

**samgab** · 2nd March 2009, 10:13

Originally Posted by Swoop

We also have to thank the new onramp traffic flow lights. They have naicely added to the commuter chaos.
Does anyone take notice of the lights? I know I sure don't, and when there is no (repeat, NO) cars on the road, yet the lights are still working

it is superb fun trying to "hit the green" at 150. The flash of green as you flash by is simple entertainment, but fun never-the-less.
Traffic was badderer for some reason. Only one mirrorectomy though.

Surely those lights don't apply to motorbikes?

As you zoom through the gap between the 2 lanes of cars and approach the lights they're bound to be either green by the time you get there, or just before or just after you shoot through...
At least that's how I do it...

**Swoop** · 2nd March 2009, 10:23

Originally Posted by Finn

Another explanation could be that due to the financial crisis, all the slack arse unionists who know more about workers rights than anything else in their miserable meaningless lives, have suddenly woken up to reality and showed up for work today.

Another form of slack-arse... "university students".
Gotta create more Helen Clarke's to parasite on our society...