Bike related truisms

[mctshirt]

Motorcycling is all good fun but:
- the hotter the day the more likely vast amounts of time will be spent removing gear again to retrieve key from pocket or doing up the helmet strap
- the more gear you have on the greater likelihood you will have to remove it for above reasons
- you will only remember your key/helmet strap after all gear is attached,done up, and tucked away and you are sitting on your motorcycle
-weeing on the side of the road will always attract another vehicle no matter how isolated the spot is
-incidents of stupidity like stalling, trying to start bike in gear/stand down, or running out of gas will occur at the moment you feel most like a motorcycling god in the company of others
-that annoying little fluid leak, miss, backfire, broken or bent bit will not be cured by a) ignoring it hoping the garage fairy will fix it during the night or b) revving snot out of the motorcycle although these will be the first two things you try.
-when those two methods unbelievably don't fix the problem you will always break something else attempting to fix it properly
-any repairs will require backtracking at some point or discovery of a better way after you have done it the hard way (the latter is invariably pointed out by friends at completion of the job and never prior when you mention you're attempting such a task)
-the longer the repair/maintenance task the more likely it will rain or previous appointment will delay the test ride
-your motorcycle always needs new tyres
-when purchasing a motorcycle there is always the ultimate bargain precisely $1000 above your budget

[JacksColdSweat]

it will always stay fine when you decide not to take the bike...

[Swoop]

Did I leave anything out???

Nope. It appears to be all tucked back in.

[Bass]

Cleaning your visor increases the flying insect density fivefold during the day and tenfold at night.

Waxing your visor increases the flying insect density twentyfold, inhibits rain and increases fivefold the dirt content in the spray thrown up by vehicles ahead.

[NighthawkNZ:Me]

Going for a ride...

1. Put on leathers, check...
2. Walk down stairs, check...
3. Put on gloves, check...
4. Take off gloves... mumble mumble.
5. Put on helmet, check...
6. Re-put on gloves, check...
7. keys... keys???
8. Take off gloves, back up the stairs, find keys...
9. Back down the stairs, check...
10. Re-put on gloves, check...
11. Start bike... check
12. Put bike in to gear, check...
13. Ride to petrol station
14. Take off gloves
15. Wallet...????????
16. Re-put on gloves,
17. Ride home...Take off gloves climb the gawd damn stairs again and find wallet...
18. Back down the stairs
19. Re-put on gloves, check...
20. Put bike in to gear, check...
21. Ride to petrol station
22. Take off gloves
23. Fill with petrol, check
24. Go to pay for petrol, money card is not in wallet... luckily I have just enough cash to cover...
25. Re-put on gloves, check...
26. Take off gloves
27. Reset trip metre,
28. Re-put on gloves, check...
29. Start bike. check...
30. Put bike into gear, bike it stalls
31. Put up side stand
32. Restart bike
33. Put in gear, check...

You think to your self that was a lot of hard work... so you ride home and go back to bed... some days are just not worth it...

[scumdog]

You always get a ticket when you can least afford it..

You been riding all day no speeding and bored out of ya mind. No cars in sight nothing. so you blip the throttle just to clear the cobwebs and up ahead is cop waving you down.

Skyyrder

I thought you hadn't seen me....

"There is a direct ratio of the size of the catastrophe and the size of the audience - except when the catastrophe involves somebody else."

[Balrog]

You'll get the best grip between
the bottom of your boot and the inside of your wet weather pants.
(especially if its just started raining and you're on the side of the road)

[klingon]

The one day you wear mascara is the day your visor will get sprayed by a passing truck, forcing you to ride the rest of the way to work, in the rain, with your visor open.

[LBD]

The one day you wear mascara is the day your visor will get sprayed by a passing truck, forcing you to ride the rest of the way to work, in the rain, with your visor open.

Cannot say I have had the pleasure .... mascara running like a water color in the rain....

[Max Preload]

Funny that.... I 've the odd occasion where the bike won't start and i'll be fcing uphill....

Neat thing is, is that if I have enough spacebehind me I can start the bikewhile rolling it backwards. Not as easy as a forward rolling hill start as there is usually not enough gradient for it to roll without requiring effort to push it backwards....

Ummmm exactly how does that work without a reverse gear?