New Zealand Mums

**CookMySock** · 23rd February 2010, 06:23

Originally Posted by Ronin

Parent of the year stuff there steve. It's when they fuck it up irretrievably that you should be there for them. Let them sweat the small stuff.

When people know they can screw up whatever they like and get rescued, what do you think they are going to do? It's the big stuff that shapes their life, so let it shape it, and let it change how they make their next decisions. If it's small enough to laugh off, it won't teach them anything.

I don't think you do anyone any favours by letting them know there are no conseqences. It's not like I'm imposing consequences, I just stand back and watch the natural ones flow. Like my son badly sprained his ankle at soccer yesterday, but he has school athletics day tomorrow and his 1F license test the day after. So I just look at him and nod.. theres fuck all I can do about that. Next time I expect he will think. Thats what life is like, so I just let the life lessons flow. Better he learns it at 16 than at 45.

Steve

**Pascal** · 23rd February 2010, 06:37

Originally Posted by GOONR

Its a sad fact that these people assume if you are at home with your kids you must bludge of the government or fall into a catgory of which people think you are at the low end of society.

We made a decision that my wife would stay at home with the kids until they were old enough to go to school. With her qualifications and experience she earns just enough to cover their day-care costs, so rather than having her stressed out and working long hours it's better for her to stay at home with them, give them a good early education and the type of love and guidance that only a parent can. When they turn 3 they start to go to daycare for a day or two a week two get used to socialising with other children. Prior to that it is playgroups, etc.

Half of the evenings and over weekends I take over after work, leaving her free to go dancing / out with the girls / whatever, because raising kids is a helluva job.

It has worked reasonably well for us. The amount of love and care she has in her heart means that instead of it being 4 walls, it has been turned into a home and a refuge for all of us. Our kids will grow up well adjusted with, hopefully, a good set of values looking forward.

For us it was a decision. Not some random occurence.

Originally Posted by DangerousBastard

Like my son badly sprained his ankle at soccer yesterday, but he has school athletics day tomorrow and his 1F license test the day after. So I just look at him and nod.. theres fuck all I can do about that. Next time I expect he will think. Thats what life is like, so I just let the life lessons flow. Better he learns it at 16 than at 45.

And the lesson he was supposed to think about was Don't sprain your ankle on purpose when playing soccer?

**Ronin** · 23rd February 2010, 07:52

Originally Posted by DangerousBastard

When people know they can screw up whatever they like and get rescued, what do you think they are going to do? It's the big stuff that shapes their life, so let it shape it, and let it change how they make their next decisions. If it's small enough to laugh off, it won't teach them anything.

I don't think you do anyone any favours by letting them know there are no conseqences. It's not like I'm imposing consequences, I just stand back and watch the natural ones flow. Like my son badly sprained his ankle at soccer yesterday, but he has school athletics day tomorrow and his 1F license test the day after. So I just look at him and nod.. theres fuck all I can do about that. Next time I expect he will think. Thats what life is like, so I just let the life lessons flow. Better he learns it at 16 than at 45.

Steve

There is a vast difference between screwing up irretrievably and spraining your ankle. One would hope you know the difference.

**CookMySock** · 23rd February 2010, 08:35

Originally Posted by Ronin

There is a vast difference between screwing up irretrievably and spraining your ankle. One would hope you know the difference.

Why? It doesn't affect you, and what you do doesn't affect me. It's only your attempt to put-down on some internet forum, which is all about your character, not mine.

I walk around in public and I see animals. People who can't think and are over-driven by their emotional state to such an extent that they will never think. They want to hit everyone who doesn't think like they do, and make the world a better place by trying to change it so it thinks like them.

Not that it affects me - it's just kinda surreal.

Steve

**crazyhorse** · 23rd February 2010, 08:50

The real reason he spends 45 minutes in the supermarket, is perving at all these young mothers, wishing he could tip them up and have his way with them

**CookMySock** · 23rd February 2010, 09:06

Originally Posted by crazyhorse

The real reason he spends 45 minutes in the supermarket, is perving at all these young mothers, wishing he could tip them up and have his way with them

Things never change do they..

Steve

**Ronin** · 23rd February 2010, 09:20

Originally Posted by DangerousBastard

Why? It doesn't affect you, and what you do doesn't affect me. It's only your attempt to put-down on some internet forum, which is all about your character, not mine.

I walk around in public and I see animals. People who can't think and are over-driven by their emotional state to such an extent that they will never think. They want to hit everyone who doesn't think like they do, and make the world a better place by trying to change it so it thinks like them.

Not that it affects me - it's just kinda surreal.

Steve

The question you should ask your self is, "If I am going to post my opinion and or talk about my values in a public forum, what are the possible consequences."

Your opinion of irretrievably screwing up is obviously vastly different to mine. Likewise, even if my son does (and I'm sure that at some stage he will) screw up irretrievably I will be there for him and support him. He will still have to suffer the full consequences and take responsiblity but I could not and would not just walk away shaking my head saying I told you so which, if you read your post, is what you would do.

For the record. I would have exactly the same conversation with you were you standing in front of me.

**Love my Bonnie** · 23rd February 2010, 10:07

I agree with ronin.
Its called unconditional love, I will always support my kids what ever they do.
We all make mistakes, what we learn from those mistakes is what counts.

**Argyle** · 23rd February 2010, 10:09

Sensitive subject, probably got some forum readers to bash their keyboards and swear allot about immigrants while the already stained carpet (which we Europeans stopped using 30years ago) got stained a bit more from the coffee that was just dropped.

First of all, I’m a NZ resident, been here for two years. I like NZ, good weather, nice roads to ride on, most people are polite. (Since I’m a NZ resident I probably got a quite good job and qualifications)

I don’t spend 45min in the supermarket, although I do assume some mums they can stay there for 45min.

Mostly I posted the thread because I don’t want the society encourage breeding without thinking.

There is a saying:
If you can’t support it, abort it!

**Dave Lobster** · 23rd February 2010, 10:11

Originally Posted by Argyle

There is a saying:
If you can’t support it, abort it!

You must spread the rep.. etc.

**Str8 Jacket** · 23rd February 2010, 11:08

Originally Posted by Argyle

There is a saying:
If you can’t support it, abort it!

There is also a saying that 'some people should keep their opinions to themselves'. You sound like a keyboard warrior with a lil weenie.

**CookMySock** · 23rd February 2010, 12:59

Originally Posted by Ronin

The question you should ask your self is, "If I am going to post my opinion and or talk about my values in a public forum, what are the possible consequences."

There are no possible consequences to someone voicing an opinion. Not your opinion, and not mine. An opinion is simply an opinion. No negative actions can come from an opinion, unless someone takes such an action on the basis of said opinion, but that action is theirs, not mine, along with the associated consequences.

Anyone who reads an opinion and does not attach YMMV gets burned - another harsh lesson learned very quickly. No doubt you have been to a doctor, dentist, or a mechanic, and decided to get a second opinion?

Originally Posted by Ronin

Your opinion of irretrievably screwing up is obviously vastly different to mine. Likewise, even if my son does (and I'm sure that at some stage he will) screw up irretrievably I will be there for him and support him. He will still have to suffer the full consequences and take responsiblity but I could not and would not just walk away shaking my head saying I told you so which, if you read your post, is what you would do.

Of course we are completely different people. No, if my kids fell on their face I would be there listening to how they feel, but I would not be undoing the natural consequences that occurred.

My lad bought himself a $7000 motorbike on his 15th birthday and did 15,000kms on it without an incident. From the beginning it was made abundantly clear to him that I had no mechanism by which to save him if he fucked it up. He nods, gets a grip, and doesn't fuck it up, or else he gets to pay off $7000 worth of bent plastic and steel and limp for the rest of his life. I don't protect him and I don't rescue him, and I let him make himself vulnerable and then take ownership of it. The result? Responsibility! (Thats the theory anyway - we'll see what pans out - he's nearly 17 now.)

Originally Posted by Ronin

For the record. I would have exactly the same conversation with you were you standing in front of me.

I didn't think you wouldn't. That goes without saying - Never say what you are not prepared to eat.

Steve