The difference between men and women.

[Forest]

You're very young, right...?

Mid thirties.

[Edbear]

These two pixs sum up, for me, the essential difference between men and woman ...

Well it works for me...

[Edbear]

Mid thirties.

Same age as my son. He's been through a bad marriage and is divorced and is rather gun-shy these days. However casual realtionships don't work for your long term happiness and become empty and unfulfilling. You find yourself just using women after a while. BEtter to look for and find someone you like and can spend time with as a friend and soul-mate.

I've been married 32 years, brought up three kids, two of them married, and speak from experience. My marriage, while solid and happy today, has been through tough times and I don't give myself all the credit for its longevity, but the benefits of sticking it out and working on it far outweigh those times when you wanted to walk away. Now, my family is as close as one could be and my wife and I are inseperable. NO criticsm of anyone who has had to walk away, (as I said, my son is divorced and he went beyond what most would have to resolve the problems), as I do not know the circumstances and it takes two to make it work, but from my exprerience, if you have a good partner, fight to keep them and grow with them.

[Banditbandit]

Same age as my son. He's been through a bad marriage and is divorced and is rather gun-shy these days. However casual realtionships don't work for your long term happiness and become empty and unfulfilling.

How's that ? I've never had a casual relationship long enough to find it unfulfilling ...

[Edbear]

How's that ? I've never had a casual relationship long enough to find it unfulfilling ...

LOL!!! Well the other thing to consider is that NZ is right up there in the STD stakes and unwanted pregnancies.

[Fatt Max]

Actually they do, which raises another question. Why are men's outside and women's inside...?

Because God was a woman, only a woman would do that....

I assume you are talking about jandals, Mrs Max always brings hers in, I leave mine by the front door.....

[Edbear]

Because God was a woman, only a woman would do that....

I assume you are talking about jandals, Mrs Max always brings hers in, I leave mine by the front door.....

.........

[munterk6]

" Wasn't sure which forum to post this in " Quote....
uhh how about the pointless drivel one?
Kiwi women have ugly faces, fat guts, smell bad, and really bad attitudes towards the Kiwi bloke.
Kiwi men are spineless whimps that cower in the presence of women.
See, simple.

[Winston001]

My OP was more to so with the "Why?" than the "what" of the differences between men and women. The fact that men ans women are so different is clear, but what is behind the differences is the question.

Ed - I respect and admire your sincerity. Good for you raising an interesting topic.

Respectfully, I think clear and cogent answers have already been given above by SS and Rainman among others. May I suggest you read Richard Dawkins "The Ancestors Tale". It is an update on The Selfish Gene which was written 3 decades earlier. He may not be correct on every point but this later book has solid scientific references. The only doubt I have is that genes (a molecule of amino acids) actually desire to be continually expressed ie. want to survive into the future. That's a big leap.

And I repeat - evolutionary psychology answers all of your questions.

[Winston001]

Seriously though, men are particularly skilled at EB as evidenced by the number of women who remain in abusive relationships and go back again and again to the monster. Such women need a lot of help and support to break free where they can come to realise the power they were under.

No no no. Look underneath. The typical woman who bonds to an abusive man had an abusive father whom she loved but was desperately hurt by. She is trying to repair her child-hood experience by shaping a father-symbol into a good man. Its so common and equally sad. But occasionally it works out.

[Edbear]

No no no. Look underneath. The typical woman who bonds to an abusive man had an abusive father whom she loved but was desperately hurt by. She is trying to repair her child-hood experience by shaping a father-symbol into a good man. Its so common and equally sad. But occasionally it works out.

I very much doubt this. In the case of my eldest daughter, she married a very charming young man who showed himself to be a caring, witty and intelligent person. The day after their wedding, the monster emerged. He had won his prize and she was a possession to do with as he pleased. He was an alcoholic and drug user who had hidden this side of himself from his family, and from us.

It was staggering to me to witness how such abusers act and speak and it was hard for me to understand how my daughter could go back to him time and again. It wasn't until I came home to find her hiding in my closet that I realised how serious the situation was and I forbade her to go back to him. He would have killed her if she had stayed with him. To cut a very long and sad story short, she is now happily remarried to a very good man and has given us our first grandchild and is now pregnant with our second.

Abusers are often kind and charming to snare their victims who are bewildered that such a winderful person could behave the way they do. EB then becomes the weapon by which the abuser keeps his victim under his control. My daughter was brought up in an atmosphere of unconditional love in a very close family and I was certainly as far from being an abusive father as it is possible to get.

[Banditbandit]

I very much doubt this. In the case of my eldest daughter, she married a very charming young man who showed himself to be a caring, witty and intelligent person. The day after their wedding, the monster emerged. He had won his prize and she was a possession to do with as he pleased. He was an alcoholic and drug user who had hidden this side of himself from his family, and from us.

It was staggering to me to witness how such abusers act and speak and it was hard for me to understand how my daughter could go back to him time and again. It wasn't until I came home to find her hiding in my closet that I realised how serious the situation was and I forbade her to go back to him. He would have killed her if she had stayed with him. To cut a very long and sad story short, she is now happily remarried to a very good man and has given us our first grandchild and is now pregnant with our second.

Abusers are often kind and charming to snare their victims who are bewildered that such a winderful person could behave the way they do. EB then becomes the weapon by which the abuser keeps his victim under his control. My daughter was brought up in an atmosphere of unconditional love in a very close family and I was certainly as far from being an abusive father as it is possible to get.

Me, I wouldn't have been amazed at how often she went back to him .. I would have taken him on a "bonding day" and he would have never come back ...

[kit]

I very much doubt this. In the case of my eldest daughter, she married a very charming young man who showed himself to be a caring, witty and intelligent person. The day after their wedding, the monster emerged. He had won his prize and she was a possession to do with as he pleased. He was an alcoholic and drug user who had hidden this side of himself from his family, and from us.

It was staggering to me to witness how such abusers act and speak and it was hard for me to understand how my daughter could go back to him time and again. It wasn't until I came home to find her hiding in my closet that I realised how serious the situation was and I forbade her to go back to him. He would have killed her if she had stayed with him. To cut a very long and sad story short, she is now happily remarried to a very good man and has given us our first grandchild and is now pregnant with our second.



Abusers are often kind and charming to snare their victims who are bewildered that such a winderful person could behave the way they do. EB then becomes the weapon by which the abuser keeps his victim under his control. My daughter was brought up in an atmosphere of unconditional love in a very close family and I was certainly as far from being an abusive father as it is possible to get.

Not a nice situation, most guys like this have a massive inferiority complex which breeds jealousy and control..... dangerous situation. Glad your girl came out of it ok

[Edbear]

Me, I wouldn't have been amazed at how often she went back to him .. I would have taken him on a "bonding day" and he would have never come back ...

I had a few offers to "take care" of him. The Police were great! He came at me once but backed down when I didn't flinch and told him what was going to happen if he tried to hit me... He's a coward as abuser's are. They pick on the defenseless. He was abusive to the animals as well, which is a sign now recognised as a precurser to violence towards women. Space doesn't permit the telling of the full story, but suffice to say he is well out of teh picture today. My daughter and son-in-law celebrated their 6th Anniversary in March, and Ben, her husband has our respect for the way he took her on and supported her through her recovery. He's a good young man!

Not a nice situation, most guys like this have a massive inferiority complex which breeds jealousy and control..... dangerous situation. Glad your girl came out of it ok

Most do, certainly, but in Matthew's case, the ex., he was used to getting his own way and getting away with whatever he did. However, more than that he had a cruel streak nurtured by alcohol and drugs and a violent temper. I didn't see in him an inferiority complex, but certainly total selfishness.

It's amazing how many do suffer an inferiority complex which comes out as putting others down.

[Winston001]

....The day after their wedding, the monster emerged. He had won his prize and she was a possession....


Abusers are often kind and charming to snare their victims who are bewildered that such a winderful person could behave the way they do.

Glad your daughter found her way out of that awful situation but only with your strength and help.

I suggest you are making a couple of mistakes in reasoning. Firstly don't attribute general behaviours to personal situations. There is no one-size fits all. I agree your daughters experience wasn't trying to repair her paternal relationship.

I suspect she was dealing with a socio-path (psychopath) because your description is straight out of a text book.

Secondly, women go back to abusers for complex reasons. Your daughter was confronted with a mistake of her own judgement of the perfect guy, and naturally tried time and again to get that good guy back. Its hard to admit she could be so wrong.

Other women saw their mums treated the same way so think its normal. Yet others consider abuse to be attention and become grateful for it. And then there are the women who dislike themselves and believe they deserve the abuse.

But overall daughters look for their fathers and try to heal/change the things they needed as a child. This isn't deep stuff although its hard to accept.