Advice for South Islanders visiting Auckland

**Jantar** · 12th October 2008, 12:02

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Ork - Lund ",
not "JAFATOWN."

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Auckland has its own version of traffic rules... Hold on and pray. There is n such thing as a dangerous high speed chase in Auckland. We all drive like that.

3. All directions start with, "Go down the motorway"

4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

5. If you actually stop at an orange light, you will be rear-ended,
abused and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting Line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.

6. K' Road can onLY be pronounced by a native Ork-Lunder.

7. Construction on motorways & other main streets in peak traffic is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

8. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably
factory defect.

9. All old ladies with coloured hair in a crappy car have total
right-of-way.

10. The minimum acceptable speed on Motorway is 120 kph. Anything less is considered downright dangerous.

11. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper
sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.

12. If you are in the fast lane, and only going 100 km in a 100 km zone, people are not waving when they go by.

13. The Auckland Harbour Bridge road is our daily version of
Speedway. There are plans to rename it Western Springs Waikaraka Park Bridge
.
14. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Auckland city

15. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a motorway, just
follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else. This is how Auckland residents notify Transit NZ & Govt Departments where exits should have been built.

16. Some people have a bumper sticker *Horn Broken, Watch For Finger* You must get as close to possible as the car in front of you, or you may not see the finger in time.

**Usarka** · 12th October 2008, 12:10

Originally Posted by Jantar

10. The minimum acceptable speed on Motorway is 120 kph. Anything less is considered downright dangerous.

12. If you are in the fast lane, and only going 100 km in a 100 km zone, people are not waving when they go by.

Non jafas will never understand the intricacies of orkland motorway rules. Rule number 10 is usually most applicable in the left most lane applying rule #12 above.

The right hand lane is the lane of choice for those who fall into rule 12. If there are three lanes then the middle lane is always the preference.

You should indicate for at least one tick before changing lane. Otherwise you will lose the gap because indicating is a direct challenge and insult to the driver behind you who will make it his personal mission to be in front of that car/bike at any cost.

**dwnundabkr** · 12th October 2008, 19:41

hehehehhe lol now i have to agree with all of the above

**chrisso** · 13th October 2008, 13:38

thats all true................I watch NZ Motorway Patrol....
Bloody ignorant foreingers, tourists, drunks, un-licensed un roadworthy cars-hang on that sounds like Sydney lol

**portokiwi** · 13th October 2008, 13:53

Well I got back from Christchurch yesterday after a week down under lol.
I have to say that the cage drivers there are worse then Auckland.

Had a great time though.

**Finn** · 13th October 2008, 14:01

I have to disagree with Number 2. Aucklanders are some of the slowest drivers in the world.

If you're sitting at the lights and they go green it actually means go. It doesn't mean you have to look down at the gear shift and think about what gear to use. GO! And don't take half an hour to reach the speed limit freak faces. Also, if the traffic light is green ahead, why the fuck do you start slowing down? Is that hardened snot in your nose that important that you actually like stopping at lights?

Morons.

**skidMark** · 13th October 2008, 14:12

I wondered why i didnt fit in when i moved the the south island, im too pro.

**skidMark** · 13th October 2008, 14:14

Originally Posted by Finn

I have to disagree with Number 2. Aucklanders are some of the slowest drivers in the world.

If you're sitting at the lights and they go green it actually means go. It doesn't mean you have to look down at the gear shift and think about what gear to use. GO! And don't take half an hour to reach the speed limit freak faces. Also, if the traffic light is green ahead, why the fuck do you start slowing down? Is that hardened snot in your nose that important that you actually like stopping at lights?

Morons.

You complete me.