Finances in marriage meltdown

[helenoftroy]

Winston can't be right.

He's a man.

Very good.....I will refrain from a response

[KiwiRat]

Thanks mate. It's a serious subject, I know.

[Winston001]

Just a small point which is probably not generally known - the first legal obligation for a lawyer is to promote reconciliation. That is why counselling, talking to each other etc - the "woolly" stuff is still the correct approach.

Family Proceedings Act 1980.

8 Duty of legal advisers to promote reconciliation and conciliation

• (1) In all matters in issue between spouses, civil union partners, or de facto partners that are or may become the subject of proceedings under this Act or the Care of Children Act 2004, every barrister or solicitor acting for either spouse, civil union partner, or de facto partner shall—
  
  • (a) Ensure that the spouse, civil union partner, or de facto partner for whom the barrister or solicitor is acting is aware of the facilities that exist for promoting reconciliation and conciliation; and
  
  
  
  • (b) Take such further steps as in the opinion of the barrister or solicitor may assist in promoting reconciliation or, if reconciliation is not possible, conciliation.
  
  
  (2) Every barrister or solicitor who—
  
  
  • (a) Is acting for a spouse, civil union partner, or de facto partner; and
  
  
  
  • (b) Applies to the Court to have set down for hearing any matter in issue between the spouses, civil union partners, or de facto partners under this Act or the Care of Children Act 2004—
  
  shall certify on the application that he has carried out his responsibilities under subsection (1) of this section.
  

[jrandom]

every barrister or solicitor acting for...

You're not acting for anybody in this matter, yet, so you are theoretically free to express a less mealy-mouthed opinion, y'know.



Good law, though, that. I wasn't aware of it. Ambulance-chasing 'family lawyers' make me ill. I'm sure I heard some advertisement on the radio for a divorce lawyer a few weeks ago. One imagines that that's treading a very fine line indeed with regards to s8 there.

[puddy]

When are they going to make it legal to marry a motorcycle, stuff marrying a women.

nor a man (yeah i just shut down the obvious own, deal with it)

Having trouble finding a woman that will put up with you? You can 'marry' a man........as long as ya proud!
skidmark
GAY but PROUD!

[Mrs Busa Pete]

[QUOTE]

If she feels then that counseling isn't worth it in terms of you two, but wants to put the children first.. then apply for the 6 free sessions through the family court & use those sessions to work out a plan for the children (for when the separation actually happens) get a parenting plan written up (while things are amicable.. & will hopefully stay that way!!). You don't have to attend all the sessions together.

This is exstreamly good advice and well worth looking into.



[QUOTE][QUOTE=jrandom; - she just wants Bytor out of the way, and statistics says it's probably because she has another fellow lined up.[/QUOTE]





Dan not all Women are like this and just because you had a bad experience you can't judge all women like this.

You are making yourself sound very angry and bitter move on mate.

[jrandom]

Dan not all Women are like this and just because you had a bad experience you can't judge all women like this.

I think you might be reading me wrong, dude. I myself had a somewhat odd but, in the end (phew!) uneventful divorce, and my ex-wife has yet to date anyone else. We're still good friends. I would never advise anyone to take an antagonistic approach to the end of their marriage - just a rational one.

But, yes, look it up, bro. I didn't say 'my experience...', I said 'statistics'.

The unfortunate main chance is that shit is going on behind the scenes that Bytor is either unaware of, or quite understandably chooses not to share with us here.

I feel bound to point out the possibility of a significant mismatch in attitudes. While our KB compatriot here is agonising over how best to handle the situation and whether there is hope of reconciliation, who knows what the woman who's already stated that she'd like him gone is off doing?

He sets himself up for a fall, in my humble opinion, and should look to safeguard his self-esteem as well as his finances.

Excuse my cynicism, but human nature is almost never what we would like it to be.

[McJim]

I've met the family in question and I think this discussion has got a bit sidetracked. Bytor was simply asking about the legal implications of who was liable for what and who would be entitled to what under NZ law and fair enough coz he's from overseas and you have to admit there are a few funny laws over here.

I don't think it was intended to provide an opportunity to assasinate the character of his missus.

Winston001 has good advice to offer and he seems, in my opinion, to have the most relevant experience to offer this advice.

[SPman]

Is there anyone on this site who hasn't had a marital bust up??

[pixc]

Is there anyone on this site who hasn't had a marital bust up??

ME ME... Was with him 15 years...just couldn't bring myself to putting that ring on my finger...thank god!

[Bytor]

I have avoided getting too personal here and revealing details from my marriage. JRandom, there is no mystery man waiting to fill my boots or my missus come to that, we just can't stand each other anymore. I suppose that we have grown apart and now that both of us realise it's too late to do anything about. We have tried, but it's just made things worse. She has agreed to counselling, but to deal with the seperation not the issues that we have - oh well it's something. House will have to go on the market (fuck I might get a new bike out of this) and frankly it's over. She doesn't want to try, sticking to her way of life being the only way and thus leaving a 5yr old, 4yr old and 15month old without a full-time father. I must be a real shit!!!

[SixPackBack]

Is there anyone on this site who hasn't had a marital bust up??

Yup, I could name a few!

[ManDownUnder]

I have avoided getting too personal here and revealing details from my marriage. JRandom, there is no mystery man waiting to fill my boots or my missus come to that, we just can't stand each other anymore. I suppose that we have grown apart and now that both of us realise it's too late to do anything about. We have tried, but it's just made things worse. She has agreed to counselling, but to deal with the seperation not the issues that we have - oh well it's something. House will have to go on the market (fuck I might get a new bike out of this) and frankly it's over. She doesn't want to try, sticking to her way of life being the only way and thus leaving a 5yr old, 4yr old and 15month old without a full-time father. I must be a real shit!!!

hey chap - couple of things. I'm really sad to hear what's going on. I also understand that hurts like fuck... and iit sounds like you have a good conscience in respect of the kids... QDOS to you. Don't heap the blame or the bad reputation on yourself... right now try to treat it as a difference of opinion.

Also - anyone espousing who you, your wife or anyone else involved are or must be doing something... without actually knowing them... probably have an agenda, have been burned and are talking out their arses.

Ignore them. Blanket - outright - ignore them. They don't know - and the more they talk the more they prove it to any one of us without the emotional investment you do. They will probably hit one or two chords with you at the moment ... that's just the emotions you're feeling that they happen to glance off with the venomous outpourings.

I encourage you to use the words "Fuck" and "off".

Re the finance, I'd be listening to the non emotive voices in the thread. Sounds like Winston has a handle on it, that's not to say he's the only one.

Good luck man. Good luck. Look after you and yours. Sounds like you are.

[kevfromcoro]

Is there anyone on this site who hasn't had a marital bust up??

well i have had 4 of them.............................
gets easier as you get older.......................

[mstriumph]

Is there anyone on this site who hasn't had a marital bust up??

seems not
wonder whether there's any point in even trying what with the failure rate an all .........................