Finding peace.

**007XX** · 19th January 2009, 10:16

Originally Posted by madbikeboy

Thanks for two things - it is possible to be happily married, and thanks for liking me over JRandom. Aside from his cynical wit and the big thing between his legs (if it's 1400cc, why is it so slow??), he is strangely attractive to the opposite sex...

Ok, question #1: Yes it is, I can vouch for that...but it does take a few relationship ingredients which may be eluding you at the moment, and also an uncanny amount of luck in finding the right person.

As far as Jr being strangely attractive to the opposite sex, well...Jody's a saint in my books

Originally Posted by FJRider

Its ok.. your fan base cant read yet...

Oi!!! I so can to...

Originally Posted by jrandom

In general, I prefer that Jody rises above the grot on KB and leaves the bullshit-slinging to me. Fortunately, she doesn't mind humouring me in that area.

Not that she's incapable of it mind you...she got a quick tongue on her in public she does

**007XX** · 19th January 2009, 10:25

Well anyway...all BS aside:

MBB...fact is, taking time out to figure things out cannot be all bad.

Staying off the roads when you're peeved is an even better idea me thinks.

Bottom line to your problem: you need time and whatever method is best to sort it out in your own head and come to terms with a decision YOU will be happy to carry through.

Maudling over it for centuries is a sure fire way of getting yourself in deeper, so:

a- you're a blokey bloke and need a beer, or twelve, with a few good mates slurring away at the nonsense of it all for a while until your stomach excavates last year's Burrito.
Headache the next day, but crystal clarity on the problem can be a pleasant side effect of such an approach of depression treatment.

b- You're a little too deep and too raw for that sort of treatment, and just need to offload your mental miasma on someone's couch, while they listen patiently and ask you about your relationship with your father.
Can be a costly exercise apparently...you do walk away with interesting drugs though

Anyhoo...happy in between: give us a yell mate. Always happy to listen and try to help a friend. Downside: I don't do drugs or drinking, sorry

**Hans** · 19th January 2009, 14:13

Originally Posted by madbikeboy

You lot, my friends, are cheaper than therapy, and since I'm not a talker, this is my outlet that I'm forcing on you all.

I am sitting on the top floor of a new apartment building on Marine Parade,the beachfront road that demarc's Napier from the sea. The sea is gently curving in 6 foot swells, and I have found a moment of peace and shelter amidst the chaos that is my soul. The sound of Hotel California is rising into the air, the crashing surf giving it balance, and underscoring the Eagles in a gentle and continous bass note. Running away is sometimes the right thing to do.

I needed some time off the bike, and away from my home life, which isn't home to me at the moment. So, after packing, and then upacking, then repacking, and then finally after thinking about it some more, I decided to leave Scoot in the garage, and instead take the hated Silver Slug. I stood beside the bike and literally threw my gloves across the garage in frustration and angst; that was the moment that decided it for me.

I have had a few days of self imposed stand down from Scoot, I'm too angry to ride - and I've had a close call after not having my brain engaged. I am trying to detox from the rush, to sober out, to find some peace. Scoot is frenetic and angry, a perfect companion for me, and my uncontrolled right hand which has a mind of its own.

So, a road trip. Leaving work, I had all my bike baggage, and little else. I travelled from Auckland, south, foot buried deep into the carpet at any opportunity, slow car, stupid drivers, planning needed for overtakes. Zigging and zagging across the country, lapping Mt Egmont, Wanganui, Palmerston North and south, then back, finally discovering the road.

Robert Frost writes of the road less travelled, and if you're reading another of my crap posts, your favourite author probably isn't the guy who wrote "pull tab to open"

The road - it snakes and winds like a live animal from Taihape to Napier - a local stopped me and warned me against taking a shiny BMW, "40 odd kilometers of 160 are gravel, you'll get stuck". He was right, but fuck it, I was willing to risk losing the car in order to find adventure. I have bruises on the sump, while playing WRC following a guy in a Ferozza - sideways out of each corner. I can only imagine the fun of having a KTM along that stretch.

I've destroyed all four tires, they're delaminating, and the bumper will straighten out... "That shit'll buff straight out"...

So, I sit here, a quiet respite, watching the lightshow of sun fading, lovers walking hand in hand - peace for my soul, and for my mind, even for a few hours.

Would I have this on the Scoot - this I ponder. In a fit of honesty, I wouldn't have arrived in this random place - I'd have been setting new lap records.

In moment of silent lucidity, I realise the animal caged within is the fear and self loathing that needs to be banished for me to ride Scoot again...

Theres a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run to in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didnt realize it and you were scared
Its a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the tears
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly, you hear and see
This magic new dimension

I-will be watching over you
I-am gonna help you see it through
I-will protect you in the night
I-am smiling next to you...in silent lucidity

I know brother, been there myself - and we came out the other side and are still together. You need to decide what you want. If you still want her, which I'm guessing you do, put as much effort as you can into putting the whole thing into order. You may have to become a "talking man" for that to happen. Should you still fail, you will come out a winner regardless, because you'll know you did your best. Then you can start to move on. If you don't want her-move on. The big question for yourself is whether you want her enough to really work on it hard - it can hurt like hell and it can take a long time to fix. Don't spend too long sulking, think hard, than act. Best of luck, and if you're ever down this way, there's always coffee and a spare bed. Just pm.

**Hans** · 19th January 2009, 14:22

p.s. There's no such thing as a "happy" marriage. Only a drooling cretin is capable of being happy ALL THE TIME. A thought for the missus perhaps?

**DarkLord** · 19th January 2009, 15:32

You are obviously a heavy thinker. Due to your depth of thought you will not find peace as easy to obtain as others with more simple thought patterns (and I do not mean that disrespectfully in any way).

Having time off two wheels is probably the best thing for you. It is so easy to just put on a helmet, hop in the saddle and blow all of your problems away with wind in your face and a throttle in your grip connected to a thundering engine. This is magnificent, however when you get off the bike those things are still there that drove you in the first place.

IMHO, take some time to sit and truly explore who you really are. Ask yourself intense and pointed questions. Surround yourself with those who think on a similar level. Instead of running from your own truth, take some time to really sit and think through things. You can't run forever - for it will always catch up with you in the end. Journaling is very helpful as well - just sitting and venting in writing about whatever the hell you want. It may not always be pretty, readable, or discernible but hey it's REAL.

Cheers.

**Hans** · 19th January 2009, 15:44

True about not riding the bike. When I was in a similar position to you, I didn't touch it either. Try maintaining concentration with all that stuff in your head...

**Lucy** · 19th January 2009, 16:48

Originally Posted by madbikeboy

Oh, for the record (since I reread the new apartment comment who everyone else would read it) -

This is a new hotel doing an opening special, the rooms are $120, which is about $20 less than the flea ridden backpacker pit next door (which is full uo, hence the reason I picked this one...).

Plus the receptionist is hot.

Flippin 'eck. MY flea ridden backpacker pit is only $20 to stay in. And has free booze.

**McDuck** · 19th January 2009, 17:09

It was grate to meet you this morining MBB and have some brekkey, and hope to see you at a track day soon

**carver** · 19th January 2009, 18:58

Originally Posted by madbikeboy

Generally, people here in this community are supportive of stuff, and JR is actually a really good guy (as is his uber-cool partner StickChick). You'll find that for each Carver or Skiddy, there's dozens of very real, good people here. Even the ones who you might think are asses at first, once you decode the noise and see their concern, you come to like and respect them as well

And, part of the thing of sharing here is the shit being chucked as well.

i think you will find your face in my lap whether you like it or not

**Katman** · 19th January 2009, 19:30

I've just stabbed sharpened pencils into my eyeballs as punishment for having sat here reading the last six pages. (But I figured if Carver could read it, so should I).

Sometimes I think it would be nice to bare my sole on an internet forum for all the world to see. But then I realise - Fuck it, I'm Katman. My piss turns to icecubes before it even gets to hit the toilet floor.

(I trust you'll stop in for a yak on your way home Mike. I'm incapable of reading any more of your threads until I get these pencils removed).

(And just remember - too much self indulgent waffle makes your breasts grow).