I'm in the dogbox good and proper. so this magical gearbox goop had better work

[vifferman]

No indeed. Mrs Ixion is a genuine Luddite and regards motorcycles with the deep suspicion with which she regards everything originating since the Industrial Revolution.

She does admit that some of them are pretty, which is, to her mind, a saving grace.

Well, it IS, as long as the ones she thinks are pretty actually are. As long as they're not girly pink scooters or summat...

I don't think the vifferbabe is too bad about stuff like this. Last thing I did which was 'marginal' was using the oven to bake the zorst paint on the collector off my VF500. Man, did that stink! Just turned the range hood on and opened the doors.

The thing I get into trouble for is fiddling. Now 'fiddling' basically means doing anything to the VifFerraRi that needn't oughtn't shouldn't mightn't need to be done. Which in these days of paying exorbitant sums to 'experts' to do stuff like change the cars' oils, could be almost anything. I've found out that cleaning/adjusting the chain is OK, oil/filter is "pay Kerry to do it", taking all the tupperware off to change the instrument bulbs invokes a bit of frowning and some minor interrogation, and most other things are OK if they don't involve power tools (the gargre is next to the lounge), and/or they take less than 10 minutes, which is about the time it takes the vifferbabe to notice I'm not comatose in front of the mind-bender. I think some of this goes back to me vandalising the VFR750's zorst in the DarkOfTheNight. Or maybe it was the time when I shimmed the VTR's needles and broke the TPS when searching for MaximumWheeliePower. More likely it's that I haven't learned TrueSubterfuge: TheArtOfKeepingThingsSecretFromYourSpousalUnit. After more than a quarter century together, she can usually read me like a book, whereas since she's become a PodPersonAlienImpostor, I can't necessarily say the same about my ability to gauge what she's thinking...

[MSTRS:Me]

Just cos you men think a few petroleum products are good for the system, doesn't mean that we women think so!

I Could understand that if it was fully synthetic oils, but *everyone* knows that minerals are good for your health

[Ixion]

Well, it IS, as long as the ones she thinks are pretty actually are. As long as they're not girly pink scooters or summat...

I don't think the vifferbabe is too bad about stuff like this. Last thing I did which was 'marginal' was using the oven to bake the zorst paint on the collector off my VF500. Man, did that stink! Just turned the range hood on and opened the doors.

The thing I get into trouble for is fiddling. Now 'fiddling' basically means doing anything to the VifFerraRi that needn't oughtn't shouldn't mightn't need to be done...

Ah well, she was once quite impressed with a "really pretty turquoise and pink" bike. No idea what, details such as make, model, how many cyclinders (What are cylinders ?) were deemed irrelevant. But it was really pretty.

The Whale is dismissed as boring (all white, how boring can you get). Li'l rat Bike doesn't make the cut either, black and red isn't pretty.

I have the reverse problem to you with fiddling. Mrs Ixion, being a total technophobe, makes no distinction between the ability to change a light bulb and advanced nuclear physics. If you can do one , you can do the other .

So whenever anything breaks or needs adjustment it is "Surely you can fix it? Why do we need to pay someone ?". Which is a touching tribute to my ability with duct tape and #8 wire but there are some things that even I am not game to take on .

Fortunately (or unfortunately, I'm not sure which) her Nissan Sunny is so simple that almost anything that needs doing is within my capability.

[crashe]

and did you not think to get an old beer can or something similar dog /cat food can and cut the top off it and use that to mix up the product in....lol
Oh yeah wash them out first... nope not in the kitchen but outside with the garden hose.

Oh thats right men dont think...hehehehe.
You must learn to ask next time... and she will give you something to use...

I would have thought after the last time that you would have learnt a very valuable lesson... Never go and use anything in your partner's/wife's kitchen with out asking first.

[Biff]

Onceuponatime a nice nurse said to a Mr Biff, "Can you hear me?” To which Biff replied, "No". She asked the question again then realised Biff could indeed hear her, despite the fact that he had a rather large open wound to the back of my head.

Just out of hear shot a now recovering Biff noticed a gentleman of the law hovering outside of the hospital cubicle. "He's here to see you", replied the nice nurse. "Why?", Biff asked." I think he wants to ask you that question", replied the nurse.

Enter Mr Policeperson,"What appened ere then sunny".
"Je ne avent a freakin clue", respondez moi,"je avec grand concussion sur le bonce moi peit poulex".

I did indeed have a rather nasty headache thanks to the afore mentioned injury.

Apparentelemont Biff had borrowed one of his ex-girlfriends (French) 'rags' to clear le gunk from chez rocker cover of an old motor. The said 'rag' being under the sink in an annex to my house. It turns out that it wasn’t a rag, but a 'designer' label vest top type thing, mistakenly placed there. The volatile Madam Biff took exception to this and clonked him, from behind with une grand implemont tout suite. Bloody hurt too. Apparently the neighbour heard her scream and saw her run out of the house, at which point they thought they'd call monsieur plod who arrived dans le scene to find moi lying in a pool of chiraz.

Madam Biff was lucky to get away with assault, and to have such an understanding ex Biffriend who kindly packed her bags for her and left them pour her collectamont on the bloody rue.

[vifferman]

Ah well, she was once quite impressed with a "really pretty turquoise and pink" bike. No idea what, details such as make, model, how many cyclinders (What are cylinders ?) were deemed irrelevant. But it was really pretty.

That'd probably be one of them Honda 250's (VTX250 or summat...)

The Whale is dismissed as boring (all white, how boring can you get). Li'l rat Bike doesn't make the cut either, black and red isn't pretty.

Ha ha ... she sounds like she's related to the vifferbabe. She vetoed my third to last bike purchase because it was too boring (silver VFR800), but OKed the purchase of the VTR because it wasn't. The VifFerraRi was so pretty that she encouraged me to buy it, when I was wanting to "go away and think about it." (Had I done so, I would no doubt have saved myself $1000...)

Her car was bought without her even driving it, because of the colour.
Fair enough, I guess, as I was driving it and suitably impressed with that side of things.

[zadok]

Hot tips: You can use the dishwasher (and I use to think it was a luxury) for fully degreasing hubs etc.but make sure 95%+ of old grease is out.
Put EP90 hypoid oil in the microwave for a short time to make it easier to pour.
A hair drier wil do instead of a heat-gun for use on shrink wrap for wiring (or to encourage the evaporation of water from said electrics)
Oven mitts are o.k. for handling hot exhaust pipes.

'scumdog' that is brilliant.

[Wolf]

I need something to put the goop in that I can pour from with some control.

Like a little jug! And there's dozens of little jugs in the kitchen cupboard. Mrs Ixion accumulates jugs and such like an open exhaust accumulates tickets.

Quick trip upstairs, and , ahha, just the job. Nice little blue one, perfect. And it won't do it any harm after all.

Dose the hypoy with goop, fill gearbox and final drive, and it's all good.

(Then wash the bike. I hate washing the bike).

Take the little jug back upstairs to wash and disaster strikes. Mrs Ixion spots me and engages instant third degree mode. And when she sees the residual goop - oh hell.

I don't know why women are so unreasonable about such things. It will wash off after all.

Anyway, I'm going to be going short for a while, so this goop had better be good.

You total bloody amateur!

When I was growing up dad used to bring large chunks of engine inside to work on - on the dining room table, no less. If mum was really fast moving, there'd actually be newspaper under the engine block.

I mean, where else do you do valve grinds? Dining room table is great 'cause we could at least see the TV and take our minds off the work (even casual visitors ran the risk of putting in time "behind the paste" at our house, actually living there or being born into the family was taken as "volunteering").

One day dad stripped and reassembled the lawn mower on the lino in the kitchen - then pulled the cord to see if it worked...

...I really can't believe this was the same man who explained to me in great detail how the blades on a lawn mower are aerodynamically shaped like a propeller so that they create suction to lift the grass blades up into the path of the spinning blades.

Works well on lino, too.

As to domestic containers, funnels etc being used - it was a good day if it was just oil (detergent at least breaks that shit down) and not two-pot epoxy resin that sets and proves harder than the vessel it's set in.

If Mrs Ixion had grown up in our house, she'd have a mite more perspective on the matter - and know fourteen common household chemicals that can remove oil from plastic...

[Enn]

Interested to know what this magic goop is... and if it works i'll be getting some too ! And thanks for the warning but i got my own set of pouring and squeezing in and wiping things, and from memory might pay to check if there is any of the stuff in the magic goop that attacks (phosphous bronze) in the g box , i have heard that some synthetic oils have this additive in and is no good for bmws guzzis etc that have this sort of bronze inna g box.... yours in non krunchness, smooth sweet changes, and 100,000kms grief free.....

[Ixion]

Interested to know what this magic goop is... and if it works i'll be getting some too ! And thanks for the warning but i got my own set of pouring and squeezing in and wiping things, and from memory might pay to check if there is any of the stuff in the magic goop that attacks (phosphous bronze) in the g box , i have heard that some synthetic oils have this additive in and is no good for bmws guzzis etc that have this sort of bronze inna g box.... yours in non krunchness, smooth sweet changes, and 100,000kms grief free.....

Dow Corning MolyKote. But a very special grade that Dow are hellish unwilling to admit exists.

US BMW forums reckon it's good. Not a synthetic, doesn't do nasty things to bronze. Some of the US guys have been running on it for 100000+ miles (not km) now.

I think it's basically just good old MolySlip.

I'll advise if it makes any difference. Only done about 20km on it so far. Seems better , but I may be imagining it. OTOH, received wisdom is it takes a few hundred k before the benefits show.

So I'll wait and see.

[Motu]

Ixion is grasping at straws....and he knows it,a typical deluded BMW owner looking for the Holy Grail that holds the magic elixer of smooth gearchanges,a never ending quest deserving of a Monty Python scit.

You are worried about sulphur,only found in GL5 EP oils.

[Ixion]

Ixion is grasping at straws....and he knows it,a typical deluded BMW owner looking for the Holy Grail that holds the magic elixer of smooth gearchanges,a never ending quest deserving of a Monty Python scit.

You are worried about sulphur,only found in GL5 EP oils.

I know, I know. Hence my comment that I'm probably imagining things.

But a drowning man will clutch at straws.

Hm, there's a thought. In the old days unscrupulous persons used to stuff noisy diffs with banana leaves.

I wonder if stuffing the BMW klunkenbox with straw would help? Could hardly be worse, surely

[Motu]

My XLV750 was a throw back,I felt like I was riding my old /5 again,but then it was made to compete with the first GS...something to do with shaftdrive and heavy flywheels I suppose.At least with a seperate gearbox you are at liberty to try everything in the book without any effect on the motor.I have a synthetic GL5 that works wonders in car gearboxes....sometimes people say ''what did you do to my gearbox?'' Wanna try some of that next? I got a 60 litre drum about 3 yrs ago,cost a fortune and now manuals are a dying breed.

[White trash]

I wouldn't have a problem with a measuring jug being used for aforementioned purposes - ........... Trouble is you men would then lose the damn thing, invade the kitchen, ruin another one, put it back so we don't know you've lost the first one etc.

Ah, babe? We gotta talk........

[Riff Raff]

Ah, babe? We gotta talk........

Really? I've just given you some advance warning which I think is very nice of me. Nevertheless I will be very reasonable when my nice shiny K5 GSXR1000 turns up after your first misdemeanour!