Latte-sipping homos on scooters...

[madbikeboy]

I'd like to know how scooters work, does carefully stepping onto one (to avoid creases in your Ralph Loren Slacks) protect you; an invisible shield of armour? One that removes the need for common sense, wrists that don't flap when you're talking, or the need to look in mirrors?


So, picture this - filtering between a lane of cars on Fanshaw Street, and at the last possible second, danger appears - not from a crazed pedestrian, not from a cager one loaf short of a picnic.

No, the danger comes from vest wearing scooter boy (known as latte sipping homo henceforth).

Latte sipping homo waits until all 150 decibles of GSXR are almost on him, and then he casually accelerates from his space in the line of cars into the filtering lane (now an official sort of thing).

Lucky for him, I practice braking - so I'm just able to stop him getting a GSXR up his ass, from whence his boyfriend left a load this morning.


So, and it gets worse.

Latte Sipping Homo pulls to the end of the queue, and then sits between the two lead cars, trapping me in no-mans land.

I ask him, politely, to pull forward. He turns and gives me a scathing look.

He's got 8 feet of safety, mine and his; I don't want to be trapped between four SUV's and a WRX when the flag drops.

I ask again, this time less politely.

He turns around and starts bitching at me.

So, being as I'm a civilised guy, I lose it, telling him to more his fucking homo scooter forward before I move it for him. Then I have a momentary lose of traction to make the point. Still no fucking movement. The SUV's are now towering several feet above me, and I'm rapidly shrinking as the danger increases.

So, one last time - "move your F U C K I N G scooter!"

So, he rolls forward about 6 inches, probably the length of man meat he had in his mouth this morning, and I push through just in time for the flag dropping, watching the cagers close the gap like the shutting of mechanical jaws behind my tail.

So, I'm hoping Latte Sipping Homo is on KB, next time:
1. Check your fucking mirrors before you leap into the abyss.
2. Buy some fucking bike pants instead of business pants. Actually, belay that, losing some skin will teach you a fucking lesson.
3. Next time someone asks you to do something, don't sneer, it's unbecoming.
4. Sitting between cars where the traffic has to close ahead because of road conditions is dumb, Darwin dumb.
5. You should have spent the dosh on gas for your SUV instead of a scooter.

Peace to you all.

PS. I don't have any issues with gay people, I used the word Homo today with care and respect.

MBB.

[Hitcher]

Somebody appears to be struggling with their sexuality this morning.

[slimjim]

O shit..he just needed a "Fu_king" Hug... with a nice size 10 steelcap boot..

[racefactory]

honestly you should have rammed that fucker forward with your 120/70/17 and 160hp. he would have bloody well got the message quickly that's for sure!

[vifferman]

I'd like to know how scooters work, does carefully stepping onto one protect you; an invisible shield of armour?

Ooh! I know this one!
No.
Although many "latte sipping homos" seem to treat a scooter as a much more fashionable type of bicycle, they are (strangely enough) not immune to the laws of the world around them.
I know this, because a few years ago when I worked in Ponsonby, I chanced to observe what happens when latte sipping homo meets Braindead "Goddam I need a coffee urgently" Car-driving Moron at an intersection. Despite it not being his fault, said homo still suffered the results. (He looked really good as a momentary bonnet ornament, before crashing down onto Mr Asphalt).
He was riding a very trendy-looking and shiny new black scooter of some Italian sort, and was colour-coordinated in black jeans, t-shirt, black denim jacket (undone to show off shirt), black shorty helmet, designer sunnies, and leather jandals (at least, before his scooter's altercation with Braindead "Goddam I need a coffee urgently" Car-driving Moron).
He ended up with sore knees and hands, and a dinnerplate-sized abrasion/contusion (dunno what exactly, but it was very red/purple and sore-looking) on his back. He was VERY lucky not to have any broken bits (apart from on his black fashion accessory).
[Meanwhile, I was a wee bit warm in my head-to-toe bike gear, feeling a little smug as well as snug]

Surprisingly (no, in hindsight, probably not), I saw latte sipping homo a few months later on his (refurbished) shiny black fashion accessory, and he was dressed in a very similar fashion to before: no boots, no gloves, loose-fitting clothes, etc etc.

[vifferman]

honestly you should have rammed that fucker forward with your 120/70/17 and 160hp. he would have bloody well got the message quickly that's for sure!

You too? I was expecting that outcome as well!

[Swoop]

Interesting.

I have noticed a marked increase of scroters on the motorway recently. Not a chance of maintaining a speed remotely close to the 100kmh limit, so they sit in the far left of the left lane with the engine screaming out it's one-note-song...

[The Stranger:Me]

So, picture this - filtering between a lane of cars on Fanshaw Street, and at the last possible second, danger appears - not from a crazed pedestrian, not from a cager one loaf short of a picnic.

No, the danger comes from vest wearing scooter boy (known as latte sipping homo henceforth).

Latte sipping homo waits until all 150 decibles of GSXR are almost on him, and then he casually accelerates from his space in the line of cars into the filtering lane (now an official sort of thing).

I love posts from indignant law breakers complaining about outher law breakers not obeying their laws.

[madbikeboy]

I had steam coming from my ears when I wrote that.

I am sure of my sexuality, and comfortable with man hugs and blokes who cry. I even have a friend (JP) who rides scooters... ...

[alanzs]

I passed some little lady on a scooter as she was ripping along at 50k's on the motorway the other day. Had a bout 50 cars slowed down behind her. If it wasn't for her cute pink helmet and matching coat, I would have honked. I just laughed at the stupidity of it all...

[madbikeboy]

I love posts from indignant law breakers complaining about outher law breakers not obeying their laws.

Hi Stranger.

Umm, the traffic was stationary... I was thinking rude thoughts, and swearing (Summary Offences Act). Is that what you meant?

[hang0ver]

Its unfashionable to have an engine capacity over 100cc's these days don't you know? That said, its very fashionable to wear no safety and undertake on the left within the scooter fraternity.

He's just trying to prove his point...

[3L4NS1R]

I've never understood whats to like about scooters (pardon my arrogance to scooter riders reading). But even so, it just makes sense that they wear decent riding gear like most bikers... and install mug holders (helps them talk on thier mobiles as well).

[imdying]

Punch him in the head, your brain fair rattles around when you get a smack in the head whilst wearing a helmet.

[ManDownUnder]

There's always the view that you put yourself into a situation, your assumptions were wrong the problems were a result of that.

Yeah I know - sorry - personal responsibility... silly me. Flame away!