DIY bike stuff-ups

[rudolph]

When I was 12, I had a little 2 stroke yamaha, I tryed to run a horn of the HT lead, the result was every time you pressed the horn button I got a bad electric shock and the engine miss fired, not thats stuped.

[The Stranger:Me]

After 40 years of working on bikes there is a few that I have tried to forget...

On my beloved Royald Enfield Meteor Minior Sport 500 Twin when young, I had one of the valve spring retention thingies, that were made out of alloy, crack. I could not get a new one in a hurry, so went to a engineer asking him to make a new one. He had no alloy, but brass. So I settled for brass.

I fitted it and happily went on my way to a neighbouring town (yes, the reason was a female...). The w/e was spent doing what young men do with young firm bodied girls.

On the way back my thoughts were still with her and what she did to me. I came up to a car doing approx 100k/h and in my state wanted to show the world what a superman I was so I dropped a gear, went flying past (well OK, 130k/h. But for the RE that WAS flyng!). And while at the side of the car that brass thingy had worn through, my valve was shot in to the piston with all the force of those two springs and my backwheel jammed.

My reflexes had been sharpened over the w/e by not using condoms, so I pulled the clutch in an instance, rolled in the middle of the road while that car passed me on the inside. And then it was nice and quiet on the road while I stood there wondering what the fuck now.

Yeah, but when it done in the quest of getting your end away it doesn't really count as a stuff up. Well done.

[Conquiztador]

Yeah, but when it done in the quest of getting your end away it doesn't really count as a stuff up. Well done.

Ok, I accept that. It is strange how small things change the path you take. Here a brass spring retainer did this to me. I heard a few years later that the girl in question had fallen pregnant with some young chap. If I had waited for that real alloy thingy for a week there is a chance that my life would have been soo different.

So perhaps I should have sent that brass-thingy-manufacturing engineer a Thank You card...

[Conquiztador]

When I was 12, I had a little 2 stroke yamaha, I tryed to run a horn of the HT lead, the result was every time you pressed the horn button I got a bad electric shock and the engine miss fired, not thats stuped.

Ahhhh. I LOVED that. Classic.

[pzkpfw]

Had an RD250LC 350 convert. Chain (or sprockets??) was/were fragged and needed re-tensioning every week. (Poor [lazy] student - no chance of actually buying new sprockets and chain).

So going around corner one day, having missed a tensioning session, the chain fell off the back sprocket and when I accelerated the chain whipped forward and knoecked a bit of the engine case off. All the oil fell out of the gearbox.

Took the engine out to get the hole welded. The guy said it was a mistake. I think the engine would have been easier for him to work on if it was still in the bike.

Afterwards, the bike would lose power when warm. I stripped and cleaned the carbs, but no effect.

Eventually left the country and it was sold by my sister while I was away.

MANY years later read that the 350 cylinders had a different sized exhaust port than the 250.

That might explain the doubled-up washer things that I had found when I pulled the engine out, and replaced with only one on each pipe (which I guess were still the 250 ones).

I think when it was warm it was losening up, and the expansion chambers stopped working right.

Or I'm still completely wrong...

[martybabe]

MANY years later read that the 350 cylinders had a different sized exhaust port than the 250.

That might explain the doubled-up washer things that I had found when I pulled the engine out, and replaced with only one on each pipe (which I guess were still the 250 ones).

I think when it was warm it was loosening up, and the expansion chambers stopped working right.

Or I'm still completely wrong...

Yep you qualify mate, we seem to be forming a small but elite group of master bodgers here, with all this talent, we should run our own race team

[Headbanger]

I have a stunning and impressive record of DIY mishaps, But for now I'll just share one.

Back when I was a teenager I had purchased an 85 ATC250r, They were demon three-wheelers in their day and the power delivery was very close to how a mid 80's MX behaved. All or nothing, and then she come on,she went like a fucker, You pointed it where you wanted to end up and then just held on while all hell broke loose and you got to see how your luck held out.

Anyway, North island champs, Taranaki. Good sized turnout,plenty of spectators, After race one I decide to bleed my front brakes a little. Felt great in the pits.Ready to rock

Half way round lap one I'm going hell bent for leather, come screaming out of a corner, front wheel a few inches in the air, I hit the anchors to bring the front wheel down and set myself up for the corner I was about to enter, The front wheel hits the ground fully locked up,Im already in teh process of throwing her sideways and I open the gas riight open, Resulting in multiple barrel rolls down the track.

I get up,feel fucked.never fear, find the bike,crank her over,drop the fuckin clutch under full throttle,roar off with the front wheel in the air, when she comes down,boomfaa, Multiple barrel rolls down teh track.

Now I'm really saw.

Never fear, I find the bike,put it back on its wheels,kick her over, Drop the clutch, Front end sledges as I try to take off, come to a halt, stare blankly at the front wheel, rev her hard and drop the clutch,front end sledges, wtf?, rev her hard and drop the clutch again,front end sledges,by this time I have made it around a corner and well down the straight from the initial crash site.....continue to stare at the front wheel....oh says I, The front brakes are locked on. That explains the barrel rolls.

[martybabe]

I have a stunning and impressive record of DIY mishaps, But for now I'll just share one.

Back when I was a teenager I had purchased an 85 ATC250r, They were demon three-wheelers in their day and the power delivery was very close to how a mid 80's MX behaved. All or nothing, and then she come on,she went like a fucker, You pointed it where you wanted to end up and then just held on while all hell broke loose and you got to see how your luck held out.

Anyway, North island champs, Taranaki. Good sized turnout,plenty of spectators, After race one I decide to bleed my front brakes a little. Felt great in the pits.Ready to rock

Half way round lap one I'm going hell bent for leather, come screaming out of a corner, front wheel a few inches in the air, I hit the anchors to bring the front wheel down and set myself up for the corner I was about to enter, The front wheel hits the ground fully locked up,Im already in the process of throwing her sideways and I open the gas right open, Resulting in multiple barrel rolls down the track.

I get up,feel fucked.never fear, find the bike,crank her over,drop the fuckin clutch under full throttle,roar off with the front wheel in the air, when she comes down,boom faa, Multiple barrel rolls down the track.

Now I'm really saw.

Never fear, I find the bike,put it back on its wheels,kick her over, Drop the clutch, Front end sledges as I try to take off, come to a halt, stare blankly at the front wheel, rev her hard and drop the clutch,front end sledges, wtf?, rev her hard and drop the clutch again,front end sledges,by this time I have made it around a corner and well down the straight from the initial crash site.....continue to stare at the front wheel....oh says I, The front brakes are locked on. That explains the barrel rolls.

Beauty , Scores; Observation 0/10 . Guts and tenacity 10/10. spanner skills 2/10 . sense of humour in the face of adversity 10/10.

That's good enough for me HB, your on the race team any role ya fancy bud,were all doomed anyway.

[motorbyclist]

...Resulting in multiple barrel rolls down the track.
.... Multiple barrel rolls down teh track.

Now I'm really saw.

l....oh says I, The front brakes are locked on. That explains the barrel rolls.

lol i've had a similar thing where after a collision i found every time i entered a corner the front would wash out

it took a whole two laps of binning every corner before i finally pulled out to see what was causing the problem - front disc visibly bent where it evidently hit another bike, and was locking with or without the brakes

[FROSTY:Me]

From a customer with NO mechanical skills .
He ran his bike completely out of gas
He cranked and cranked untill the battery died.
Then he called out the AA
AA man calls me
YER sold a dud the bikes FUCKED --I've gotta go to my next job
ER um-Ok -so does it have spark?
Dunno
Is fuel Getting to the carbs??
Dunno
Howsabout you find that out before saying the bikes fucked?
YER ok
15 minutes later.
Yer the plugs were black n sooty The bike idles wont rev
Did You bleed the air out of the fuel line
DO WOT ??
The fuel pump --like a car --airlock
Wheres that ?
Between the tank and the carbs.

15 minutes later
Yer the bikes running ok but theres smoke comeing out from the wires from the engine
Is your jump starter still on it?
YER why?
The bikes trying to charge its own lil battery AND your jumper pack
Ohh the plugs melted
Yea disconnect yer jumper pack

HMMM

[Gremlin]

scary...

[martybabe]

From a customer with NO mechanical skills .
He ran his bike completely out of gas

The bikes trying to charge its own lil battery AND your jumper pack
Ohh the plugs melted
Yea disconnect yer jumper pack

HMMM

Oh brilliant, thanks for that Frosty.

[FROSTY:Me]

A few Gems some not so nice
A fairly decent racer flat out in race practice Grabbed a handfull of brakes -Loud crack noise and no brakes. Messy crash
two caliper bolts were loose and finally went bye byes.
A fairly compertant mechanic just for the life of him couldnt get his bike going. He had it at one stage in a million bits.
His mate turns up and points to a switch on the right handlebar--er is that sposed to be turned to the off position?? prolly not being the kill switch.

[Mully]

On a bike, my DIY stuff ups are avoided thusly:

Me: "FROSTY, my bike is doing 'X'. I think I need to do 'Y'. How do I do 'Y'?"
FROSTY: "Bring it here and I'll show you" (code for "bring it here, and I'll do it while you watch and ask silly questions": "So I should have air in the tyres? Fascinating")

Local friendly spanner spinner, FTW.

On a cage I once tried to change a clutch for a broke friend of mine. I'd read up on how to do it, how hard could it be?

Commandeered her parent's garage on the Friday evening of a long weekend. Figured we'd be done by Saturday afternoon and still have a two day weekend.

I was wrong.

It took the whole weekend (until the Monday afternoon) to even get close. Even then, we had a pile of bolts left over.
Me: "Those? Those are surplus bolts. Everyone knows car manufacturers put in more bolts than they actually need to hold things."

In the end, she took it to a proper mechanic to get it re-done.