THE GHOST POO
The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo on the toilet paper,
but there's no poo in the bowl.
THE CLEAN POO
The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but
there's no poo on the toilet paper.
THE WET POO
You wipe your bottom fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So
you end up putting toilet paper between your bottom and your underwear
so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
THE SECOND WAVE POO
This poo happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your
knees, and you suddenly realise you have to poo some more.
THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POO
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poo". You have to
strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have
a stroke.
THE CORN POO
No explanation necessary.
THE LINCOLN LOG POO
The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down
without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.
THE NOTORIUS DRINKER POO
The kind of poo you have the morning after a long night of
drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the
bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD POO" POO
The kind where you want to poo, but even after straining your guts
out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.
THE WET CHEEKS POO
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of
your bottom so fast that your cheeks get splashed with the toilet
water.
THE LIQUID POO
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your
bottom, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same
time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
THE MEXICAN FOOD POO
A class all its own.
THE CROWD PLEASER
This poo is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have
to show it to someone before flushing.
THE MOOD ENHANCER
This poo occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby
allowing you to be your old self again.
THE RITUAL
This poo occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with
the aid of a newspaper.
THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS POO
A poo so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
THE AFTERSHOCK POO
This poo has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the
vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" POO
This is any poo created in the presence of another person.
THE GROANER
A poo so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
THE FLOATER
Characterised by its floatability, this poo has been known to
resurface after many flushings.
THE RANGER
A poo which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage
in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is
to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
THE PHANTOM POO
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to
putting it there.
THE PEEK-A-BOO POO
Now you see it, now you don't. This poo is playing games with you.
Requires patience and muscle control.
THE BOMBSHELL
A poo that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either
inappropriate to poo or you are nowhere near pooing facilities.
THE SNAKE CHARMER
A long skinny poo which has managed to coil itself into a
frightening position - usually harmless.
THE OLYMPIC POO
This poo occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any
competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close
resemblance to the Drinker's Poo.
THE BACK-TO-NATURE POO
This poo may be of any variety but is always deposited either in
the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN POO
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift
from God when you actually CAN'T poo.
PREMEDITATED POO
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
POOZOPHERENIA
Fear of pooing - can be fatal!
ENERGIZER vs DURACELL POO
Also known as a "Still Going" poo.
THE POWER DUMP POO
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down
when you're done.
THE SPINAL TAP POO
The kind of poo that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's
got be coming out sideways.
THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY BOTTOM" POO
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Poos. The shape and
size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space
remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
THE PORRIDGE POO
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming.
You have two choIces: (a) flush and keep gong, or (b) risk it piling
up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POO
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides
of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" POO
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't
warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand
innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and
gasping for air.
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Originally Posted by Drew
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