Depression...

[vifferman]

We all have our good and bad days...sometimes when i have a crap day at work and just feel like vege-ing and feeling sorry for myself I get home and am greeted by 2 dogs who think the sun shines outta my butt and its pretty hard NOT to feel good about that.
For me getting outside with the dogs and REALLY clearing my head is a wonderful tonic.

Yeah, dogs are great. Unfortunately, I killed the only dog I ever had.

A piece of advice.....stop calling yourself a "dick"

How about... "a knob end"?

Isn't everyone [lonely]?

I don't think so. Not that I've observed anyway.
Maybe it'd be OK being lonely if I enjoyed my own company, but I'm a [insert word to replace "dick" here], so that spoils the fun somewhat. Besides, it's no fun having conversations or arguments with myself, as I've heard it all before, so I get bored.

[007XX]

Yeah, been there...not an easy or pleasant time, sure, but you do get out of it eventually. The most important thing is: ASK FOR HELP. Make sure you talk about it with the right people though (aka: people who will take you seriously and not tell you to "toughen up"). Prior to going through it myself, I lost a very good mate who took his own life after being just swallowed by depression. I swore never to see his way of dealing with it as an option : what a waste! Another mate of mine was diagnosed with clinical depression a couple of years ago, and is now a very happy father of twins. I'm happy to talk about it with anyone who needs infos on how to deal with it, but as it's quite personal, please no jokers. Thanks

[Ocean1]

Yeah, dogs are great. Unfortunately, I killed the only dog I ever had.

How about... "a knob end"?

I don't think so. Not that I've observed anyway.
Maybe it'd be OK being lonely if I enjoyed my own company, but I'm a [insert word to replace "dick" here], so that spoils the fun somewhat. Besides, it's no fun having conversations or arguments with myself, as I've heard it all before, so I get bored.

Not constructive dude. Have some respect for your friends, what they're looking for from you is some commitment to finding ways to get better.

Isn't everyone?

Few are so secure in their own identity that they have nothing to fear from any relationship. Often those that seem so are simply too insensitive or stupid to fear anything. Those who are less than gods and more than imbeciles sometimes fuck up relationships quite badly. Like this: http://luv.tribe.net/thread/b5adde90...b-e82f701f29f0

[vifferman]

Not constructive dude.

That would be because I'm not in a constructive mood, and I've been wrestling with a stupidly small yet gnarly problem at work for the past three days, and it's really starting to wear me down.
Besides, my progeny constantly remind me of what I am. Can't I trust their brutal honesty?

Have some respect for your friends, what they're looking for from you is some commitment to finding ways to get better.

I always respect other people, friends or not. Does it mean I'm answerable to them? I thought my wife was my boss.

While I'm committed to trying to sort my crap out and get better before this thing destroys me, I'm not ready yet to forgive myself for the dickhead events of the recent past so "dick" is an appropriate appellation for the time being.

I do appreciate your help, KATWYN, and your advice sounds reasonable, so thanks for that, and my sincere apologies for my flippant and destructive reply. However, I have been a real dick lately (well - you can see that for yourself on this thread!), and thinking happy thoughts and choosing a less critical name to call myself is not going to fix things.

Posting on here is somewhat cathartic, but ultimately not going to help me much. So... can anyone in the D'Auckland region recommend a good therapist / psychiatrist / psychologist, preferably female? PM me if you can.

[007XX]

You will generally need to go through your GP first, who will then refer you onto a specialist. My GP absolutely rocks and has helped me with the right info, giving me all I needed to make an educated decision. Do you want his contact? Definitely in Auckland.

[Ocean1]

That would be because I'm not in a constructive mood, and I've been wrestling with a stupidly small yet gnarly problem at work for the past three days, and it's really starting to wear me down. Besides, my progeny constantly remind me of what I am. Can't I trust their brutal honesty?

Progeny yet... exactly how old do you think I am dude?

I understand work pressures are a pain, I also know that such minor (yes minor) irritants contribute a disproportionate amount to a general background sorrow when you’re depressed. You know that’s one of the ways that you fail to perform “normally” when depressed, you’ve said as much. But vocalising the negative thoughts you have about that both reinforces them and devalues the support of your friends. Honesty doesn’t mean a licence to be destructive to yourself or them.

I always respect other people, friends or not. Does it mean I'm answerable to them? I thought my wife was my boss. .

In short, yes, respect for friends means you are answerable for the effect your behaviour has on them. There’s no hierarchical structure inherent in that concept, just a willingness behave in a constructive and honest manner. It’s as good a way to make friends and influence people as I’ve found.

So... can anyone in the D'Auckland region recommend a good therapist / psychiatrist / psychologist, preferably female? PM me if you can.

More betterer, If I thought it would help and if I could identify a good professional I’d be tempted to flick this whole thread their way.

My GP absolutely rocks and has helped me with the right info, giving me all I needed to make an educated decision. Do you want his contact? Definitely in Auckland.

Does he do group bookings?

[KATWYN]

While I'm committed to trying to sort my crap out and get better before this thing destroys me, I'm not ready yet to forgive myself for the dickhead events of the recent past so "dick" is an appropriate appellation for the time being.

Understand, hey no problem Viffer. I don't profess to have the answers, i'm just looking from an objective place.

Good to see that according to you, your appropriate appellation is only temporary for the time being

Just a thought regarding forgiving yourself for things in the recent past - If there are individuals in your life that you can not forgive (for whatever reason )....it makes it almost impossible for us to forgive ourselves for the "dicky" things that we do or have done. Only you know but it may be a start to self forgiveness.

[Blackbird]

However, I have been a real dick lately (well - you can see that for yourself on this thread!), and thinking happy thoughts and choosing a less critical name to call myself is not going to fix things.

Well Ian, unless you're a complete shithead these days which I very much doubt, I must say that I've thoroughly enjoyed your company and riding with you. I don't neccesssarily imagine others see you as how you might see yourself

[vifferman]

You will generally need to go through your GP first, who will then refer you onto a specialist.

I've been referred to two specialists already - one now has a new BMW as a result. I stopped going to him when he gave me drugs that were three years (!!) past their expiry date, and which had no instructions for use attached.
No problem: a quick googling of the name....
WTF?!?! 17 bazillion hits for lawsuits involving chronic liver failure.
OK - so his cure for my woes was to kill me. Effective, but a tad crude.

Second specialist (started practicing in the 1950s) basically decided that even though his questionnaire didn't indicate bipolarism, that he'd treat me for it anyway. What else could he do? He had no other ideas.
Both him and my GP were also curious about what new drugs they could try on me. See if they could get my head to explode or summat.

My GP doesn't know what to do any more, nor who to send me too. He's easy to talk to, but not very good at listening.
Or at taking out stitches...

Just a thought regarding forgiving yourself for things in the recent past - If there are individuals in your life that you can not forgive (for whatever reason )....it makes it almost impossible for us to forgive ourselves for the "dicky" things that we do or have done. Only you know but it may be a start to self forgiveness.

I have no problems forgiving other people - I find it almost impossible to hold a grudge. I also don't find it hard to recognise and admit my mistakes and sincerely apologise for them - I've had plenty of practice.

It's not so much that I need to forgive myself, as fix things. There is a great desire in me to fix things and help people, and a recent act of stupidity (caused by a "depressive episode") has denied me the opportunity to do both for a friend (now apparently an ex-friend).

[vifferman]

Well Ian, unless you're a complete shithead these days which I very much doubt, I must say that I've thoroughly enjoyed your company and riding with you. I don't neccesssarily imagine others see you as how you might see yourself

Shithead! That's the name/word I was looking for! Thanx, Geoff!

[KATWYN]

It's not so much that I need to forgive myself, as fix things. There is a great desire in me to fix things and help people, and a recent act of stupidity (caused by a "depressive episode") has denied me the opportunity to do both for a friend (now apparently an ex-friend).

Oh, ok - well I can see why you are so down on yourself Viffer!

[007XX]

Progeny yet... exactly how old do you think I am dude?

I understand work pressures are a pain, I also know that such minor (yes minor) irritants contribute a disproportionate amount to a general background sorrow when you’re depressed. You know that’s one of the ways that you fail to perform “normally” when depressed, you’ve said as much. But vocalising the negative thoughts you have about that both reinforces them and devalues the support of your friends. Honesty doesn’t mean a licence to be destructive to yourself or them.



In short, yes, respect for friends means you are answerable for the effect your behaviour has on them. There’s no hierarchical structure inherent in that concept, just a willingness behave in a constructive and honest manner. It’s as good a way to make friends and influence people as I’ve found.



More betterer, If I thought it would help and if I could identify a good professional I’d be tempted to flick this whole thread their way.



Does he do group bookings?

hehe...I'll make sure to ask him next time!
Bottom line is though: If you don't love yourself, no one can make you. I found that as much as getting help from the outside is invaluable, the change has to start from within yourself. Ok, that was so deep, I now have to have a rest.

[KATWYN]

Viffer, maybe it is fixable? The answer is clouded by feeling so bad about it ....?

[buellbabe]

REAL friends don't dump ya cos you do something monumentally stoopid... I have a very close friend who has recently come off anti-depressants. Even tho there were times when I was SOOOOOO pissed at her becos of her behaviour I swore that I would stick by her and I did.

As for your doctor...don't get me started. Sounds like you are being treated like a lab specimen. Dude you deserve better.

When my partner died I had a complete breakdown altho it took me a month or so to realise it! To clarify...I was asking myself what there was worth living for...When I finally acknowledged that there was something wrong with me I went to my doctor... he was well aware of my financial situation and gave me a list of recommended FREE counsellors. People who ARE genuinely wanting to help... not just line their own pockets.

There are people out there who can help you and drugs may not be necessary afterall ;-)

[007XX]

Viffer, I'm sorry if my advice is not really helping. Sounds like you've had a reall rough ride on this. I was given Prozac during my bad patch, and although recommended to use it for 6 months, I chose to only do it for 3. It was just enough to "lift" the clouds and give me a breather. But of course, this may not be the right thing for you. Heck, I'm no expert!