Best opening paragraphs

[Sanx]

If, like me, you pick up a book in a book store and read the back, then read the first page then you'll appreciate the art of a good opening paragraph. So, what's the best one you've seen?

My favourite:

"Was there anything quite so under-rated in this shallow, plastic, global-corporate, tall-skinny-latte, kiddy-meal-and-a-toy, united-colours-of-fuck-you-too world, than a good old-fashioned, no-frills, retail blow job?"

The second paragraph's as good:

"It was one of the very few consumer transactions left in which you really did get what you paid for, no more and no less. No packaging, no marketing, no fake smiles, no on-the-door greeters, no aspirational lifestyle kudos; just functional, dispassionate cock-sucking for a pre-agreed flat fee."

Bling for the first person that recognises the book...

[Grub]

"It was 20 seconds from touch-down when the Captain died at the Boeing 747's contols"

Short, sharp and gripping

[Steam]

Bling for the first person that recognises the book...

Without using google, something by Chuck Palahniuk?

[xwhatsit]

There's a competition, isn't there, for the worst opening paragraph in novel-writing? They hold it every year. Romance and spy novels feature highly on the list.

EDIT: Ahah! Here we go. http://www.innocentenglish.com/funny...contest-4.html

It's called the Bulwer-Lytton literary contest (Bulwer-Lytton was a writer who first used `It was a dark and stormy night' to open a book ).

Yet again Imelda was exacerbated, or at least she assumed she was, as she was never sure exactly what the term meant though when she felt bloated and crampy as she was now, she was pretty sure she was, exacerbated that is.

[Steam]

Without using google, something by Chuck Palahniuk?

No, I take that back, it's not.
How about this though:

"Tyler gets me a job as a waiter, after that Tyler's pushing a gun in my mouth and saying, the first step to eternal life is you have to die."
Fight Club, by Chuck Palahniuk.

[Big Dave]

Easy.



Suddenly a shot rang out and a pirate ship appeared on the horizon.

[Krayy]

..."Was there anything quite so under-rated in this shallow, plastic, global-corporate, tall-skinny-latte, kiddy-meal-and-a-toy, united-colours-of-fuck-you-too world, than a good old-fashioned, no-frills, retail blow job?"...

Sounds like Christopher Brookmyre's style. As a guess, "A big boy did it and ran away"?

[Krayy]

And a joke on the subject......

Q. How would you describe the worst blow job you ever had?
A. EXCELLENT!!!!!

[ManDownUnder]

"The house stood on the edge of a slight rise just on the edge of the village. It stood on its own and looked out over a broad spread of West Country farmland. Not a remarkable house by any means - it was about thirty years old, squattish, squarish, made of brick, and had four windows set in the front of a size and proportion which more or less exactly failed to please the eye."

[vifferman]

"The house stood on the edge of a slight rise just on the edge of the village. It stood on its own and looked out over a broad spread of West Country farmland. Not a remarkable house by any means - it was about thirty years old, squattish, squarish, made of brick, and had four windows set in the front of a size and proportion which more or less exactly failed to please the eye."

That looks familiar - what is it?

As for the quote that started this, if I hadn't given up and googled it, I would've suggested a Tim Dorsey novel.

[Steam]

That looks familiar - what is it?

Hitch hikers guide to the Galaxy! That's Arthur's house. Soon to be Ex-house. Ex-planet, for that matter.

[Macktheknife]

The Sacred art of stealing, Chris someoneorother.

[Krayy]

The Sacred art of stealing, Chris someoneorother.

Googler

[Hitcher]

Ah, yes, it was a beautiful face with skin smoother than pumice and breath fresher than a 25-day-old tuna sandwich stored for safe keeping in an Upper Hutt schoolgirl’s lunchbox, and I found myself beset, nay, overcome, with twin urges: to ravish her there and then on the cash register, or to slough off the skin of my calloused feet on the stubble of her chin.

[Skyryder]

She had a pair of tits the size of haystacks. Large and golden brown. Crumpet I thought. Yes. Already saliva was drooling from my mouth as I reached over for the honey.


Skyryder