Real estate jargon

[Skyryder]

Mortagee sale. Kicking the owner when he's down and out.



Skyryder

[YellowDog]

I went to see a house wit the missus. She liked it, but I didn't. The agent was obviouslt desperate and said "this house is clearly one in a million. I would hurry if I were you as you may miss this opportunity" My reply was,
"thanks for showing us around, but it isn't really what we are looking for"
"But your wife clearly likes it and I really think you should make an offer before it is too late"
"No, sorry, this one doesn't even make the short list"
"are you sure? Why on earth not?"
"Well we like our privacy and this house is not at all private"
"sir, this is one of the most private houses I have ever had the pleasure of selling - what do you mean by saying it is not private?"
"Well you see that young girl sitting on the sofa in next doors living room"
"The one with the pink slippers"
"Yes, very nice pink slippers, she is watching The Flintstones and it is the one where Fred drinks polish by mistakes and gets knocked unconscious when the bottle hits him on the head - I DON'T EXPECT TO BE ABLE TO SEE INTO MY NEIGHBOURS LIVING ROOM OR THIER TV PROGRAMS - come on wifey, we're out of here"

[Laava]

Seeking expressions of interest.
Apparently raising your eyebrows and cocking your head is not what they mean!

[Indiana_Jones]

I went to see a house wit the missus. She liked it, but I didn't. The agent was obviouslt desperate and said "this house is clearly one in a million. I would hurry if I were you as you may miss this opportunity" My reply was,
"thanks for showing us around, but it isn't really what we are looking for"
"But your wife clearly likes it and I really think you should make an offer before it is too late"
"No, sorry, this one doesn't even make the short list"
"are you sure? Why on earth not?"
"Well we like our privacy and this house is not at all private"
"sir, this is one of the most private houses I have ever had the pleasure of selling - what do you mean by saying it is not private?"
"Well you see that young girl sitting on the sofa in next doors living room"
"The one with the pink slippers"
"Yes, very nice pink slippers, she is watching The Flintstones and it is the one where Fred drinks polish by mistakes and gets knocked unconscious when the bottle hits him on the head - I DON'T EXPECT TO BE ABLE TO SEE INTO MY NEIGHBOURS LIVING ROOM OR THIER TV PROGRAMS - come on wifey, we're out of here"

So when do you move in?

-Indy

[Insanity_rules]

Heres My experience.............

Handymans Delight.
= watch the bloody floorboards, tiles and anything else.

Up and coming area
= watch what colours your wearing when you walk through your new neighbourhood

Motivated Vendor
= I need to dump this turkey

Seller relocating
= to a better fricken house

Charming
= creepy

Classic style
= Old and creepy

Sweet charming bungalow
= Small, old and creepy

By negotiation
= Agent is going to play you into paying too much

Nestled in Trees
=leaves, birdshit and not sun

Bright and airy
=Seller is a tight bastard who will nick most of the chattels

Gardeners delight
=Is that you Dr Livingstone

and My favourite 2 and a half bathrooms
= Got a toilet shoved in here somewhere, a bath off the garage and a small leaky shower somewhere else.

I used to play the property game quite a bit and its funny what you see.

[alanzs]

I had a guy put an offer in on our house and put my Bandit 1200 as part of the deal. When they were looking at the house (5 times) the guy was going on and on about the bike and how much he liked it. When they eventually made an offer, he had put the Bandit on the offer, to be included with the house. Fucking asshole...

On a brighter note, I always liked:

Priced to sell - Then why isn't it sold?

Seller relocating - They don't stay with the house?

[avgas]

"Prime location" - in the most fantastic area/suburb..........this house is at the center of it......in a gully/swamp

[MSTRS:Me]

Rustic setting
The Clampetts are right next door

[avgas]

POA - "errrrr what do you think you should pay for it?" x 2

[ynot slow]

Hot and cold running water- washers need replacing,or taps leak.

3 double b/rms-1 largeish room,2 (double) only if in missionary position.

Study-area where the male can get away to watch porn on puter.

Designers dream-broke architech stuffed up with weatherboard cladding.

Natural contour-bloody steep drive,needing 4wd in summer,bulldozer in winter.

[Skyryder]

Rustic setting
The Clampetts are right next door

My not be a bad idea with his daughter for a neighbour.

[RantyDave]

"Triple fronted cream brick charmer"

No mate, that was "night after a curry".

Dave

[peasea]

"Triple fronted cream brick charmer"

WTF?

Do you know nothing?

It's a house being marketed by a three-breasted blonde who has a flute in her handbag with which to excite masonry.

[peasea]

Heres My experience.............

Handymans Delight.
= watch the bloody floorboards, tiles and anything else.

Up and coming area
= watch what colours your wearing when you walk through your new neighbourhood

Motivated Vendor
= I need to dump this turkey

Seller relocating
= to a better fricken house

Charming
= creepy

Classic style
= Old and creepy

Sweet charming bungalow
= Small, old and creepy

By negotiation
= Agent is going to play you into paying too much

Nestled in Trees
=leaves, birdshit and not sun

Bright and airy
=Seller is a tight bastard who will nick most of the chattels

Gardeners delight
=Is that you Dr Livingstone

and My favourite 2 and a half bathrooms
= Got a toilet shoved in here somewhere, a bath off the garage and a small leaky shower somewhere else.

I used to play the property game quite a bit and its funny what you see.

All so true.

Used car salesmen the lot of 'em.

I recently got close to putting in an offer on a place, very nice, bells, whistles and more. "What's happening with that paddock over the fence?" I asked. "Oh, nothing, the owner's a bastard, hard to deal with and it'll stay that way for years". Whatever. No offer went in.

I was riding past there a day or two ago and lo and behold, my freakin' jacket undoes itself from the bottom of the zip. Bugger, slight detour past the residential zone, slow down, stop to do up jacket (note to self; get zip fixed); hello! The paddocks got gutters, roading and more.

Lying bitch.

[Timber020]

"stones throw from beach"
If stone is shot from high powered rifle.


"Within walking distance from shops"
There have been recorded instances where people have walked this far in the past.

"within easy walking distance from shops"
Will require endurance training to make this trip, carry food and water.

"doer upper"
Nothing you could possibly do would make this place worse, A fire would help tidy the place up.

"cosy love nest"
So small you will have to be lying on each other if more than one person is to fit in the house.

"suit first home buyer" looking for clueless sap to unload this hovel on

"great rental income" was ex P lab

"unique opportunity" desperately need to find a sucker

"up market" up the road from supermarket