Cop Jokes

**Cr1MiNaL** · 5th November 2009, 19:06

This thread is for cop

jokes.

The rules are simple.

You have to have made up the joke yourself so they are original... Come on it's easy.

I'll start off:

1. How can you tell a cop in a group of people? He doesn't laugh at your jokes.

**FJRider** · 5th November 2009, 19:13

Originally Posted by Indian Tiger

1. How can you tell a cop in a group of people? He doesn't laugh at your jokes.

but he laughs at you ... not with you .... maybe because you are not as funny as you think ...

**Toaster** · 5th November 2009, 19:15

Originally Posted by FJRider

but he laughs at you ... not with you .... maybe because you are not as funny as you think ...

Yep, well said... and they get to have the last laugh... always.

**FJRider** · 5th November 2009, 19:19

Originally Posted by Toaster

Yep, well said... and they get to have the last laugh... always.

getting awarded a night in the cells ... "on suspicion of" ... anything ... a sense of humor fades ...

**Toaster** · 5th November 2009, 19:32

This doesn't count, because I am an ex cop with NO sense of humour and can't make up jokes:

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, “What do you think you are doing? What if you have an accident?”

The priests say, “Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us.”

The policeman says, “In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.”

**munster** · 5th November 2009, 20:01

There's this guy driving along, speeding just a little bit and a cop pull up behind him lights flashing so he takes off, after awhile he thinks, 'WTF am I doing and pulls over'

Cops comes up and says 'look it's late & I'm tired, give me a good excuse and I'll consider letting you off with a warning'

'Guy says, my ex wife ran off with a cop and I thought you were bringing her back'

**munster** · 5th November 2009, 20:13

A blonde was speeding when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

**munster** · 5th November 2009, 20:16

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.
After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.
This must be a sign from God!"
Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must surely be a sign from God!"
The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this! Here's another miracle! My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of 12 year old Glen Fiddich did not break.
Surely, God wants us to drink this to celebrate our good fortune."
The priest nods in agreement.
The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who takes a few good mouthfuls and hands the bottle back to the rabbi.
The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.
The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?"
The Rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."

**Cr1MiNaL** · 5th November 2009, 20:37

Originally Posted by munster

A blonde was speeding when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"

Brilliant!!! the joke could have ended here !

**ready4whatever** · 5th November 2009, 21:42

Knock knock... whos there? ....swat! get the fuck out now or we will force you out

**Cr1MiNaL** · 7th November 2009, 23:20

bump..... cop bashing

**TOTO** · 7th November 2009, 23:33

A policeman is caught by cannibals. To escape the Island of Cannibals he has to survive 3 tents. In the first tent is ten bottle of Vodka. In the second tent there is an Indian Tiger with a toothache. In the third tent he has to sexually pleasure a lady.

So he goes into the first tent and about 10 minutes later comes out so drunk that he is about to pass out. He goes into the second tent. For about 20 minutes there are tiger noises of pain. He comes out and he says: "Where's the lady with the toothache?"

**LBD** · 8th November 2009, 01:41

A Southland women is pulled over by a cop because she was speeding is asked the usual.....Do you know why I stopped you?

She answers...You thought I was attractive and wanted to ask me to the Southland policemans Ball....

He replied "Southland police dont have balls".....

and walked off

(may be an urban myth)

**Cr1MiNaL** · 8th November 2009, 10:26

Originally Posted by LBD

A Southland women is pulled over by a cop because she was speeding is asked the usual.....Do you know why I stopped you?

She answers...You thought I was attractive and wanted to ask me to the Southland policemans Ball....

He replied "Southland police dont have balls".....

and walked off

(may be an urban myth)

It's prolly true for most piggies in Auckland too!