Marriage - It's a joke.

**crazyhorse** · 15th December 2009, 08:07

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests!

*****************************************

**T.W.R** · 15th December 2009, 08:12

Nuptials

...........

**Zuki lover** · 15th December 2009, 11:41

OMG they are good

**crazyhorse** · 15th December 2009, 14:11

Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.

Now, why can't you do that?"

"Gosh," Jack says, "why I hardly know the girl."

**crazyhorse** · 15th December 2009, 18:53

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband."

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

**McJim** · 15th December 2009, 18:59

And the moral of all these jokes? Women are a lot cheaper to rent than to own.

**mdnzz** · 17th December 2009, 02:48

wife looks lovingly at her husband and says, look dear here we are together again

husband replies fuck off bitch the deal was till death do us part, Im fucking single

**crazyhorse** · 17th December 2009, 11:21

**DMCD** · 17th December 2009, 11:33

Originally Posted by Biff

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me.
Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every
night whether you're here or not."

Sounds like a fair deal.

**crazyhorse** · 17th December 2009, 11:42

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.

But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

**crazyhorse** · 17th December 2009, 11:44

Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

**Tank** · 17th December 2009, 12:08

Originally Posted by McJim

And the moral of all these jokes? Women are a lot cheaper to rent than to own.

Something Tiger Woods is working out right at this moment.

**crazyhorse** · 17th December 2009, 13:35

Jack, a very young lad aged 4 years, says to his father, 'Daddy, Daddy, I want to get married.'

His father explains, 'For that Jack, you have to have a boy and a girl.'

So Jack answers, 'I've already found a girl.'

'Who?' splutters his Dad.

'Grandma,' continues Jack happily.

'Now, let me get this straight,' his father says. 'You want to marry my mother? ................. You can't do that.'

'I don't see why not?' Jack responds, 'You married mine!'

**crazyhorse** · 21st December 2009, 14:25

Rupert and Elaine, young couple, got married and went happily on their honeymoon.
When they got back, Elaine immediately 'phoned her mother and her mother obviously asked, 'How was the honeymoon, dearest?'

'Oh, Ma,' she replied, 'the honeymoon was wonderful. So romantic...'

Then Elaine burst out crying. 'But, Ma, as soon as we returned home Rupert started using the most ghastly language... saying things I've never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Ma.'

'Calm down, Elaine!,' said her mother, 'Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?'
Still sobbing, Elaine whispered, 'Oh, Ma...words like dust, wash, cook, and iron.'