Family law questions

[p.dath]

hey guys, cheers for the positive replies, the heartfelt letter, was sent before I posted, but unfortunatly I dont hold much hope, as the terms and conditions have always been dictated to me in the past. Now I want to know what it feels like to hold the controls for a while.
i really hope it never gets to a family lawyer as we are two mature adults so should be able to come to an agreement.
I use email to communicate because I can save it and also proof read before sending to make sure I stay proffesional and considerate at all times (not suer if that happens at the other end though)

I never communicate with the ex unless I have to now - because anything you put in a "heart felt" message could be twisted and used as evidence against you in court. Don't give information away that may be used in a trial.

The process is long. Start it now. Make an application ot the court. You can always reach a private agreement and withdraw the action, but don't be in the situation 6 months later and no farther ahead because you "thought" you might be able to work it through.

[Maki]

People who play games with each other at the expense of their children should be shot. A 13 year old should see his father if and when he wants to. The best of luck to you, lb99

[lb99]

I agree, I am stepping up to the plate for my boy, not to cause disruption to his mum and their family unit.

[p.dath]

I agree, I am stepping up to the plate for my boy, not to cause disruption to his mum and their family unit.

Note that legally your position is quite strong (based on what you have said, and assuming there aren't any issues of violence, child abuse, etc), and as it works its way through the legal the process the child's mother may come to a reaslisation their case is weak, and may give in rather than spend money on a loosing case.

I would be very very surprised if you did not win easily.

In my case, it took me 18 months waiting for my day in family court, and then 30 minutes before the case started my ex agreed to what I had suggested in my very first affidavit. In her case she liked having power over me and used our children to get it. Now I have a court order in my favour she has no power at all, and it has completely changed things for the better.

[peasea]

hey guys, cheers for the positive replies, the heartfelt letter, was sent before I posted, but unfortunatly I dont hold much hope, as the terms and conditions have always been dictated to me in the past. Now I want to know what it feels like to hold the controls for a while.
i really hope it never gets to a family lawyer as we are two mature adults so should be able to come to an agreement.
I use email to communicate because I can save it and also proof read before sending to make sure I stay proffesional and considerate at all times (not suer if that happens at the other end though)

Hey mate, been there, done that. It sounds like you have your head screwed on.

When my ex went for full custody of our two (then teenaged) daughters (without telling THEM) the court decided to go with me in asking what the girls wanted. I'd need to check but I think they were 13 and 15 at the time. The girls chose more time with me, which is what they got and my ex certainly did NOT get full custody. The beak actually asked "why is this even before me? Teenagers vote with their feet."

Even if the court says "no way, your boy stays put" etc etc you just can't keep a good teenager down. He'll be knocking on your door before you know it, court order or not. If the ex opposes it your lad will be delivered by express mail.

I feel for you dude, it isn't a pleasant road. Good luck and keep us posted.

[lb99]

Note that legally your position is quite strong (based on what you have said, and assuming there aren't any issues of violence, child abuse, etc), and as it works its way through the legal the process the child's mother may come to a reaslisation their case is weak, and may give in rather than spend money on a loosing case.

I would be very very surprised if you did not win easily.

In my case, it took me 18 months waiting for my day in family court, and then 30 minutes before the case started my ex agreed to what I had suggested in my very first affidavit. In her case she liked having power over me and used our children to get it. Now I have a court order in my favour she has no power at all, and it has completely changed things for the better.

nah no violence, no serious history, was a loose unit in my teens and early twenties(ask fatzx10r) , that about it, no reply to my last polite email as yet...

[rustic101]

I am 100 percent sure he can get his own free lawyer. And the X can't do a thing to stop it....My kids had one, but mother manipulated too much - o well.

http://newzealand.govt.nz/browse/kid...h/your-rights/

[lb99]

I am 100 percent sure he can get his own free lawyer. And the X can't do a thing to stop it....My kids had one, but mother manipulated too much - o well.

http://newzealand.govt.nz/browse/kid...h/your-rights/

hey a link, cool, great website dude.
just goes to show I have been way too laid back for way too long

[p.dath]

I am 100 percent sure he can get his own free lawyer. And the X can't do a thing to stop it....My kids had one, but mother manipulated too much - o well.

http://newzealand.govt.nz/browse/kid...h/your-rights/

Without knowing his financial situation, I'm 90% sure he can't, especially after the recent legeal aide shake up. For non-criminal cases legal aide is a "loan".

My ex tried to get it, and even flaunted to me she was going to get free legal help and I was going to have to pay, and then discovered it was a loan and she was going to be made to pay it back. Oh how suddenly that tune stopped.

[crazyhorse]

Really? I thought the formula still applied, but each have to pay the other, instead of one way only. Of course, if their incomes/allowed expenses are the same, then the payments cancel each other and no payments are required.

The formula only applies if the parties have opted to go through IRD. If a private arrangement is made, then both parties can decide to only go halves of costs affected, such as school fees, trips, music lessons, sports etc. Friends of mine, go week about, and have never paid the other a cent, but distribute the cost of extra activities amoungst them. They each buy clothes for the children too. It's only when IRD get involved, that things can and do go pear shaped.

[crazyhorse]

Hey guys

i am after a bit of advice regarding family law, as my 13yo boy has indicated he'd like to spend more time with me and his stepmum, brothers and sisters ect....(we his OTHER family), naturally his mother (who I dont get on with) has hit the roof and put a kibosh on the whole idea, and seems to have put a stop to any contact other than every other weekend as per a 12yo court order, it makes it very difficult to get hold of him to get his opinion on the matter.

If he really does want me to go into bat for him, what can be done, does he have any say at all?

I am attempting to communicate and negotiate with his mum by email but I fear this will dissolve into a tug of war of epic proportions very soon.
what should I do?

I feel for you and your predicament. Thankfully my ex husband and I were amicable, and I allowed daily phone calls, and he'd call in for coffees, before and after work to see the children. Just because we had our problems, did not mean he had no right to be their father or in their lives. To this day, I can still phone him up for a chat and will discuss any issue with the kids that either one of us may have. We used to go to parent teacher interviews, on occassion, we would meet with the kids somewhere at a irish pub or something - made the kids know that although we are both in other relationships, the four of us are and always will be the family unit and the two parents they can rely on. I realise this is a rare thing, and by no means has it ever been hassel free. But at the end of the day, they are OUR kids, and he is at much in their lives for the same reason as I am.

I hope you manage to sort it - I cannot give you any advice as I have not had to go down that track, although I do know of others who have lost their house trying to fight an ex for custody. NEVER put the mother down to your child, and perhaps tell him that when he is older, he can live with you - may not happen until he is bigger than his mum, and wants to run away and move in with you when he feels he is more in control - or out of control as a teenager can be. Good luck

[MSTRS:Me]

i really hope it never gets to a family lawyer as we are two mature adults so should be able to come to an agreement.

Of course. But in situations like this, it is rare to find BOTH parties being mature. All too often, the one with the kids makes the rules, uses the kids as a weapon for revenge or otherwise makes life difficult for the accessing parent.
You are in this situation, and no matter how reasonable you are, you will get shit upon, unless you involve the family court. You may still get shit on there, but it's much less likely

The formula only applies if the parties have opted to go through IRD. If a private arrangement is made, ...

Of course, to this as well. A private agreement that both parties are happy with is best for all. Hey - they may even not pay anything at all, as such, if it suits them.
I was talking about when some kind of maintenance order is in place, with IRD as collecting agent.

[crazyhorse]

Of course, to this as well. A private agreement that both parties are happy with is best for all. Hey - they may even not pay anything at all, as such, if it suits them.
I was talking about when some kind of maintenance order is in place, with IRD as collecting agent.

I would hate to have had to deal with things like that - glad my divorce was amicable and in the eyes of our kids, its worked out well

[lb99]

well its been a few days now, no replies to emails, he's not replying to texts or phone messages. Stepdaughter has left a message on his facebook to find out if he ok...

[MSTRS:Me]

Mum has banned him from the computer, and he has no credit left on his phone? There is always the landline...if ex has one. No laws etc against phoning your kid/s, is there?