Don't smack your kids...

**ynot slow** · 29th January 2011, 20:28

Originally Posted by Scuba_Steve

And good on you I think this is how they should be brought up, Its how I was brought up & as far as I'm concerned it creates more respectful/considerate people heres to you

Funny how we agree with a smack,now "the bash" is way different.I can't remember getting a smack or kick in arse,but probably did,but when we got to 8 or so we knew the boundaries and how hard to push.

Looking back and playing cricket on neighbours back lawn,the neighbour was called for tea,he didn't move quick enough,and his mum came out,grabbed a cricket wicket and chucked it at her son,hit him in the calf,and broke the skin,the bottom of wicket had steel round the tapered end,we laughed at the time,but now his mum would be shot.

**Genie** · 30th January 2011, 06:41

Originally Posted by mashman

Last time I looked, about 18 months ago, there were 29 cases where a parent had been removed from their families, "incorrectly"... even when the kid owned up

.

hmmm, this causes me to speak about a dear friend of mine who was having issues with her then 13 year old daughter. Daughter decided she was a big girl and didn't need to be told what time to be home, who to associate with and well, her mum could just go and fck herself. Mum worn out and very upset asks for help from that agency, they refer her to a parenting course, mother does course, daughter got worse, daughter attacks mother, mother slaps daughter, police arrest mother....mother got charged, court date etc, found guilty etc.......

Six months later daughter admits to all and sundry how she stitched her mother up good and proper, 'twas all lies!

And to the judgemental wanker Indoo (whatever, your handle is crap), thanks for the read rep, I've raised one son rather successfully to the age of 24 and have four others and they have not been bashed, (you scantamonous A-hole) and are awesome adorable children who do not go around beating up others as a re-action to the truama of my slap around the leg they have received.

**mashman** · 30th January 2011, 11:26

Originally Posted by Genie

hmmm, this causes me to speak about a dear friend of mine who was having issues with her then 13 year old daughter. Daughter decided she was a big girl and didn't need to be told what tiem to be home, who to associate with and well, her mum could just go and fck herself. Mum worn and very upset asks for help from that agency, they refer her to a parenting course, mother does course, daughter got worse, daughter attacks mother, mother slaps daughter, police arrest mother....mother got charged, court date etc, find guilty etc.......

Surely not, they're all darlings that have gained the respect of their parents over the years and vice versa, how could they just suddenly change and start telling lies... it must be the parents fault

... Some kids just turn into nasty cunts irrespective of parenting skills.

I've smacked every single one of my kids. They get the warning in the form of a reason, then they get the smack if they refuse to "listen". I have smacked out of "frustration" and have been instantly remourseful, apologising and explaining why I was at fault, yes, apologising to my kids.

I have a 19yr old, 7, 5, 3... the 19yr old is an amazing man, pure and simple. The 7 year old is a stunning little lady (not been smacked in over a year at least come to think of it), 5 year old is mischief personified, button pusher extordinnaire, the actress, the boundary pusher (not smacked in a few months), 3 year old learning from both older sisters and encouraged to misbehave by them too, not smacked for that, (but smacked a couple of days ago).

For me a smack is the reaffirmation of my requests/warnings for X reasons, the reasons they have already be made aware of, as well as what comes next

... it is an "I'm serious" reaffirmation for when they're just not listening. I make no bones about it, IT WORKS FOR THEM. Do I wish they'd just listen to me? absolutely, as I don't particularly enjoy smacking them... I doubt many parents do. I believe they will be "reasonable" children moving into adulthood and won't need any form of "extrasocial" intervention... however, that does not mean that they won't become nightmare teens/adults (for whatever reason) and I'm really not prepared for what's coming in that regard. I hope over the years i'll have given them enough info for them to make their own decisions in an thoughful way, because they WILL make their own decisions irrespective of my wishes/request/reasons...

So, to the do-gooders who have such exemplary skills in managing their kids without having to resort to a "smack", and have got kids that are utterly reasonable, congratulations

... but don't you fuckin dare tell me how to bring up my kids. They're ALL very different. They're all doing superbly thanks... They do NOT get beaten, not even close. You focus on yours and i'll focus on mine... and hopefully we can all keep an eye out for those who are getting beaten or mistreated...

**scumdog** · 30th January 2011, 11:59

Originally Posted by Scuba_Steve

Remember with all the time wasted on the speed scam the cops ain't the best at investigating the cases in the 1st place.
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Well fuckin' slow down so they can focus on child abuse instead of speeders - oh wait, there's no revenue in investigating child abuse....carry on then..

**FJRider** · 30th January 2011, 12:05

Originally Posted by scumdog

Well fuckin' slow down so they can focus on child abuse instead of speeders - oh wait, there's no revenue in investigating child abuse....carry on then..

Perhaps a quota of child smacking be introduced ... that might get results ...

**Winston001** · 30th January 2011, 12:36

The problem with our argument here is that we are all decent average people. None of us harm or are violent to our children. Some of us occasionally use a short smack to make a point with a child. We consider that to be normal effective discipline and it works.

We are not the people the law, CYPS, or the police are concerned about. There are the others, the small percentage of our population who are violent and abusive with their children. We have all seen the media reports.

Section 59 used to provide a reasonable doubt even for some abusive parents. The public blamed judges, juries and lawyers - but the simple fact was the law was loose.

So - Section 59 was amended and tightened up. Abusive parents will find it hard to find a defence, and it's notable that in the last 3 years there haven't been any Not Guilty verdicts in violent cases.

There is no slew of cases where decent parents have been victimised by the police or CYPS. In a nation of 4 million, you'd expect hundreds of prosecutions annually against ordinary parents if the law required that.

It doesn't.

**FJRider** · 30th January 2011, 12:52

Originally Posted by Winston001

There is no slew of cases where decent parents have been victimised by the police or CYPS. In a nation of 4 million, you'd expect hundreds of prosecutions annually against ordinary parents if the law required that.

It doesn't.

That's because some people see something they dont like ... and make a complaint ...

Complaints (to Police)have to be investigated ... people charged if there is doubt ...

Innocent 'till proven guilty ... right ...

Some people do seem to have nothing to do but make complaints ...

**shrub** · 30th January 2011, 17:57

Originally Posted by Winston001

The problem with our argument here is that we are all decent average people. None of us harm or are violent to our children. Some of us occasionally use a short smack to make a point with a child. We consider that to be normal effective discipline and it works.

We are not the people the law, CYPS, or the police are concerned about. There are the others, the small percentage of our population who are violent and abusive with their children. We have all seen the media reports.

Section 59 used to provide a reasonable doubt even for some abusive parents. The public blamed judges, juries and lawyers - but the simple fact was the law was loose.

So - Section 59 was amended and tightened up. Abusive parents will find it hard to find a defence, and it's notable that in the last 3 years there haven't been any Not Guilty verdicts in violent cases.

There is no slew of cases where decent parents have been victimised by the police or CYPS. In a nation of 4 million, you'd expect hundreds of prosecutions annually against ordinary parents if the law required that.

It doesn't.

Absolutely! You have hit the nail on the head, but sadly I doubt many here have the wit to read and listen to what you have said.

**Scuba_Steve** · 30th January 2011, 18:16

Originally Posted by Winston001

The problem with our argument here is that we are all decent average people. None of us harm or are violent to our children. Some of us occasionally use a short smack to make a point with a child. We consider that to be normal effective discipline and it works.

And here is the problem that we're going on about, because if you do that now you are a criminal no 2-ways about it any more, you cannot under any circumstances smack your kid under this new law. If they did bring in "child abuse" quotas as sarcastically (I assume) mentioned by FJRider there would be alot of unjust convictions to otherwise innocent parents like Genie & Mashman, so all we can do at this stage is hope like hell they never bring in said quotas as the Govt seems quite willing to ignore democracy & refuse to reverse the law as NZ voted.

**marie_speeds** · 1st February 2011, 10:57

I save up 4 weeks worth of lawn and then make my son cut it with an electric line trimmer as punishment. He's done it twice now that way in the past 18 months and is not keen to repeat the ordeal

**superman** · 1st February 2011, 11:06

Originally Posted by marie_speeds

I save up 4 weeks worth of lawn and then make my son cut it with an electric line trimmer as punishment. He's done it twice now that way in the past 18 months and is not keen to repeat the ordeal

Wow that's a good idea. When I got a little bit mouthy and angry at the parents (mostly due to my mothers incessant nagging) through my little "phase" I was sent to boarding school

Well I was begging to come home after having to live with those crazy jock idiots! Couldn't believe people like that existed till I had to live with them.

Made me see how lucky I was to have my parents.

**Scuba_Steve** · 1st February 2011, 11:12

Originally Posted by marie_speeds

I save up 4 weeks worth of lawn and then make my son cut it with an electric line trimmer as punishment. He's done it twice now that way in the past 18 months and is not keen to repeat the ordeal

only 4 weeks? I got 6mths worth at my place, chest height on a 1/4 acre... So if you really wanna punish him let me know

**marie_speeds** · 1st February 2011, 11:17

Originally Posted by Scuba_Steve

only 4 weeks? I got 6mths worth at my place, chest height on a 1/4 acre... So if you really wanna punish him let me know

Bugger he was getting real close to my limit but is now back at school. Next holidays maybe?

**marie_speeds** · 1st February 2011, 11:21

Originally Posted by superman

Wow that's a good idea. When I got a little bit mouthy and angry at the parents (mostly due to my mothers incessant nagging) through my little "phase" I was sent to boarding school

Well I was begging to come home after having to live with those crazy jock idiots! Couldn't believe people like that existed till I had to live with them.

Made me see how lucky I was to have my parents.

My parents use to torture us by making us go out back and choose a stick..... Then they had this brilliant idea that if one got it we all got it. There were six of us so the guilty party would get one lot of punishment from the parents and then another 5 lots of punishment from the rest of us as we were pissed off about being punished because of them!

**superman** · 1st February 2011, 11:25

Originally Posted by marie_speeds

My parents use to torture us by making us go out back and choose a stick..... Then they had this brilliant idea that if one got it we all got it. There were six of us so the guilty party would get one lot of punishment from the parents and then another 5 lots of punishment from the rest of us as we were pissed off about being punished because of them!

Sounds like typical 5 monkey theory there

Good use of social psychology on your parents part.