Ask Grandpa...

**Edbear** · 2nd January 2012, 14:33

Originally Posted by MSTRS

One'd have to be there to know whether the ruler needed turning over. And just what do Kings, Queens and Missionaries have in common re their positions?

They like being looked up to...

**MSTRS:Me** · 2nd January 2012, 14:39

Originally Posted by Edbear

They like being looked up to...

Surely it is more a case of lying down on the job?

**Edbear** · 2nd January 2012, 14:41

Originally Posted by MSTRS

Surely it is more a case of lying down on the job?

Yup, they like being looked up to when lying down...

**MSTRS:Me** · 2nd January 2012, 14:49

I think we can drop the 'down' part, don't you?

**Edbear** · 2nd January 2012, 15:19

Originally Posted by MSTRS

I think we can drop the 'down' part, don't you?

I suppose we could drop down...

**nadroj** · 2nd January 2012, 16:20

Originally Posted by Edbear

They must have their reasons, and as it is a holiday today and tomorrow they may well feel they need the time off. I suggest registering a complaint with their Customer Services dept.

Have you eaten missionary lately?

Yes !

**tri boy** · 3rd January 2012, 16:18

Dear Granpa, Why do Magpies shit on my freshly painted gate?
I know they are Aussies, but that behavour is just rude.
Also, since my best efforts oftrapping them has failed, please inform me of the best firearm to send them back to hell with. (im picking a shotty).

And wheres me new bike, I wrote you a fecking letter, and ..................

**Edbear** · 3rd January 2012, 16:33

Originally Posted by tri boy

Dear Granpa, Why do Magpies shit on my freshly painted gate?
I know they are Aussies, but that behavour is just rude.
Also, since my best efforts oftrapping them has failed, please inform me of the best firearm to send them back to hell with. (im picking a shotty).

And wheres me new bike, I wrote you a fecking letter, and ..................

The Magpies very much appreciate your providing them with a convenient roost. Magpies would consider it rude not to poop all over it.

Whilst a .22 is the preferred firearm using shorts avoids the probability that your poor aim does not go too far beyond the target. A silencer also means you could shoot several before they realised their mates weren't falling off due to fatigue...

You must be confusing me with Santa Claus... I'm the Grinch...

**wickle** · 3rd January 2012, 16:59

Dear Grandad,

I have noticed that a high number of drivers of late model muscle cars( Clubsports. Ford V8's) are perso's of small statue can you please explain this mystrey?

**Edbear** · 3rd January 2012, 17:36

Originally Posted by wickle

Dear Grandad,

I have noticed that a high number of drivers of late model muscle cars( Clubsports. Ford V8's) are perso's of small statue can you please explain this mystrey?

It's not such a mystery when you realise they are also older men, men who couldn't aspire to such cars when they were young, strong and virile. Buying them now, as they are shrinking with age is an attempt to re-create their youth and vigour.

Now, while the cars are certainly youthful and vigorous, the aging owners, sadly, are way beyond any hope of being so. Therefore, when you meet an owner of a late model muscle car and look down on his wizened face and stature, be gentle with him...

**MSTRS:Me** · 4th January 2012, 08:48

Originally Posted by Edbear

It's not such a mystery when you realise they are also older men, men who couldn't aspire to such cars when they were young, strong and virile. Buying them now, as they are shrinking with age is an attempt to re-create their youth and vigour.

Now, while the cars are certainly youthful and vigorous, the aging owners, sadly, are way beyond any hope of being so. Therefore, when you meet an owner of a late model muscle car and look down on his wizened face and stature, be gentle with him...

...as you ask if you can take it for a spin, and "Can I have the keys" ??

**schrodingers cat** · 4th January 2012, 08:59

Grandpa, where does the old sun go at the end of the day?
How many new ones are there left?
If the earth is truely flat then why is my house up a hill?

**Edbear** · 4th January 2012, 09:13

Originally Posted by schrodingers cat

Grandpa, where does the old sun go at the end of the day?
How many new ones are there left?
If the earth is truely flat then why is my house up a hill?

Like all good boys the Sun goes down at night so as to be able to rise afresh each morning. We should all take a lesson from the Sun. Radiate warmth to all you meet during the day and go to bed to sleep at night for early to bed, early to rise, makes one healthy, wealthy and wise.

You have been misled my dear boy. The Earth is a funny roundish shape much like a pregnant belly or a man's midde-age spread. Think of it as a basket ball complete with knobbles and dimples. Your house is built on a knobble...