Len Brown's Christmas

**unstuck** · 9th January 2014, 09:51

T¹was the night before Christmas, in good old Auckland Town

And in his robe, in his chambers, was the mayor, Len Brown

The office was festive, though decorated with haste

And his trousers, unusually, were still round his waist.

The counsellors sat round the table of wood

Discussing Len¹s antics, that weren¹t very good.

So while every one else thought of Christmas and Heaven

All they could picture was Lenny and Bevan

When from Aotea Square, there arose such a clatter

Wee Lenny sprung up, to see what was the matter.

He had been very nervous at this part of his life

With all of the stuff to explain to his wife

The moon of the evening shone in to the Square

So Lenny could clearly see all that were there

And then what to his wondering eyes should appear

But a bloody big sleigh, and 8 bloody reindeer!

With a red suited driver, looked a bit like a Whale

Lennies hopes for the future then started to fail.

And then up to the mayors own window it sped

And the Cameron Santa shouted ³Get this through your head!²

The windows before him were flung open wide

And the man in the red suit strode quickly inside

He looked at the mayor, and grumbled ³Sit down.²

³you¹ve been bloody naughty this year Lennie Brown!²

³You¹ve lied and you¹ve cheated, you¹ve been quite a fool².

³You¹ve completely ignored each regulation and rule.²

³You¹ve broken your wife¹s heart, you¹ve broken your word²

³As a man and a mayor, you¹re fucking absurd!²

³Your council despise you for pulling this stunt²

³Your ratepayers reckon that you¹re just a c ... ²

³You stay in your office and won¹t show your face²

³You are simply not worthy to stay in this place!²

³You stayed in hotels when you should have been home²

³Far from the marital bed you did roam²

³You¹re spirit was weak when it should have been strong²

³You¹ve been rooting around from here to Hong Kong²

³I doubt you¹ve a shred of your dignity left²

³Of values and morals you¹re completely bereft²

³I have nothing for you in my sack for this year²

³But you know too much about empty sacks, I do fear!²

³You¹re spending much more than the city can stand²

³As the people must pay for each little demand²

³But now you must reap all the seeds that you sowed.²

³You can¹t even make sure the berms are all mowed²

³You tried to tell people you¹re just a good bloke²

³But it¹s clear to us all now, that you¹re just a joke²

³The people all point at you, they laugh and they scoff²

³Take the hint Mr Mayor, it¹s time to fuck off!²

Cam Santa stepped back to behold the sad sight.

Of the trembling mayor, all pasty and white.

And to make sure that mayor would heed all the calls,

He swung his leg back and kicked Len in the balls.

Then Cam Santa leapt back on his sleigh to depart..

³All that I told you came straight from my heart²

³And to give your fair Auckland a happy new year²

³Do us all a favour and just disappear!²

He paused before leaving to make sure Len had heard.

And that he had clearly understood every word

He grabbed hold of the reins, and his tongue gave a click.

He just couldn¹t believe Len Brown was so thick.