An ode to policing in New Zealand?

[oldrider]

For Scumdog and all the other who lurk about on KB! Thank you!



QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are, and
your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges
at you..
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it.
However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.
What do you do ?



ANSWER:

NZ Police Officer:

Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.

1) Does the man look poor or oppressed ?

2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law ?

3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger ?

4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack ?

5) Am I dressed provocatively ?

6) Could I run away ?

7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand ?

8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings ?

9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does
this send to society ?

10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me ?

11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to
stab and kill me ?

12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get
blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself ?

13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the
opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of
my family home ?


Canadian Police Officer:

BANG !

American Police Officer:

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
BANG ! BANG !

'Click'...Reload...

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
BANG ! BANG !


Glasgow Police Officer:


"Haw, Jimmie... Drop the knife, noo, unless you want it stoock up yer arse!"

[MIXONE]

Many a true word...

[HenryDorsetCase]

hih hih "truncheon"

[James Deuce]

Long may it continue.

[BigAl]

Police walking?? at night??

Well soon they might be given the budget funding freeze.

[Swoop]

Police walking?? at night??

Well soon they might be given the budget funding freeze.

About fucking time.

[Littleman]

http://m.nzherald.co.nz/business/new...ectid=11255464

[awayatc]

when we all voted for more cops and guns,

we didn't realise they ALL were given speedguns .......

[FJRider]

For Scumdog and all the other who lurk about on KB! Thank you!



QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are, and
your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges
at you..
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it.
However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.
What do you do ?

You really do have NO idea how the system works in NZ.

If it was a week night ... an arrest would end with the "Offender" jailed and would appear in front of the judge (or JP's) the following day.

Friday/Saturday/Sunday nights ... they would be kept in a Police cell (and arranged to be fed by Police officers from their station) until they're seen by the Judge/JP's ... on the Monday.

ALL except the young keen officers will tell the bugger to stop being a toss-pot and fuck off home ... and usually offer them a RIDE home. (Can't have them driving under the influence of booze or drugs ... EH .. !!)

Unless they are being a danger to Society ... or themselves ... at worst a night in the cells to sober up (for their own protection) is usually all they may get. Maybe a "Public nuisance" or "Disorderly conduct" ... if they're unlucky ...

Otherwise they may have their shifts altered (and days OFF lost) to look after said Toss-pots ...

[Robbo]

You really do have NO idea how the system works in NZ.

If it was a week night ... an arrest would end with the "Offender" jailed and would appear in front of the judge (or JP's) the following day.

Friday/Saturday/Sunday nights ... they would be kept in a Police cell (and arranged to be fed by Police officers from their station) until they're seen by the Judge/JP's ... on the Monday.

ALL except the young keen officers will tell the bugger to stop being a toss-pot and fuck off home ... and usually offer them a RIDE home. (Can't have them driving under the influence of booze or drugs ... EH .. !!)

Unless they are being a danger to Society ... or themselves ... at worst a night in the cells to sober up (for their own protection) is usually all they may get. Maybe a "Public nuisance" or "Disorderly conduct" ... if they're unlucky ...

Otherwise they may have their shifts altered (and days OFF lost) to look after said Toss-pots ...

Do you realise that this is in the "Jokes and humour" section and not in a based on fact section

[FJRider]

Do you realise that this is in the "Jokes and humour" section and not in a based on fact section

As it often IS as I described ... I find the discretion offered at such times ... quite funny.

However .. the post was written with a little "Tongue in cheek"

Many a true word is spoken in jest and all that ...