Depression...

[DMNTD:Me]

...Lifes a bitch, but welcome to my world.

More like welcome to the realities of Life mate. Always remember there are people far worse off then you or I.
It's all about learning the tools and utilising them to our advantage and not just saying "poor ol' me".
It's not about the "HTFU" bs...it's about being proactive.

[007XX]

More like welcome to the realities of Life mate. Always remember there are people far worse off then you or I.
It's all about learning the tools and utilising them to our advantage and not just saying "poor ol' me".
It's not about the "HTFU" bs...it's about being proactive.

Very nicely put...more diplomatically so than I would have...Bottom line is: You have a choice...stay down or decide that no matter how it affects you, depression is NOT going to determine who you are, even if it is a part of you...

When I'm down, I'll feel stink for a while, then I'll get pissed off, kick the shit of my punching bag for a while til I'm hurting and then I feel better...But it took me a few years to find a way to deal with it...

Everybody's got demons to be exorcised...

[007XX]

lol...I was going to type something far more ummmm assertive

I used to get down about my personal situations but to be honest I don't see the point! LOL...I mean if you ALLOW things to pile upon yourself isn't that being defeatist,therefore illogical? Well duh!

I have to deal with more than most on a daily basis due to my spinal situation. I'm in constant acute lower back pain(born with a rooted spine which affects every facet of my life) plus having a broken tibia and dislocated shoulder isn't helping things too much....BUT you will NEVER see me complain or moan or get sooky,I manage my situation and no not cover it either.
I have other things to contend with too,but I do as I have listened and CHOSEN to put certain tools into place.

Ouch...crap, that does sound painful....I get a regular pain in my neck on a regular basis, called an ex husband...Don't think I can surgivally remove that one either!!!

But all kidding aside, yes I know what you mean...good on you for your choices

[vifferman]

I've had a bit of a think about what I posted before, and why. I should probably explain it a bit. It's not so much what Dr Dorian posted (I wasn't picking on you, Dan), but what AJ said:
"no one will hire me coz I'm a piece of worthless crap on the bottom of a banker's shoe...."
And then, it's not even what she posted, but why.

I've posted a few things on KB over the millenia, and some kind bastid red-repped me one time with the comment "Attention seeking". And that's probably true for a lot of stuff I've posted, but generally not for stuff posted on this ThreadOfLooniness hole. Sometimes I've just felt really sad, and wanted someone to say (in effect), "There there! [pat on head; strokes] You aren't a piece of worthless crap on the bottom of WINJA's shoe!"

But hey!
Guess what?

When you're feeling really depressed, and angle for stuff like this, it's largely feckinworthless! Because the clinically depressed person just tosses it off!
"I'm really depressed! Nothing you can say to me is going to help! I want you to say nice things to/about me, but I'll just fucking ignore them, because I'm not just feeling a bit unhappy, everything's totally FUKT! Woe is me! Gloom! Doom! The tomb!"

In the old days, people knew how to do it properly. Today's depressive doesn't dress up in sackcloth and throw ashes on their head; they don't go and roll in some poo so that people leave them alone. But they do go on the Interdweeb so they can share their misery and get some attention, which they will bask in for a bit.
Some will get some salient piece of advice and it will lift them up enough to do something about the craphole they're in. Others will go with their habitual pattern of behaviour/thinking because that's what they do.

While the HTFU purveyors may be a bit callous - and if they've never experienced true clinical depression, won't REALLY understand - in some ways, they're RIGHT. Sometimes, what the depressive needs is a virtual/verbal/actual slap in the face, (if for no other reason than to make them angry rather than sad) so they will do something DIFFERENT and break the habit.

Circumstances? Well, yeah, some people's circumstances are a bit grim. But it's all relative, right? Lots of people on here have quoted some horrific shit they've experienced or had to put up with. And that's sad, almost sad enough to make me depressed (if I wasn't already). But it's kind of irrelevant. There are hundreds of thousands, maybe MILLIONS of people in the world who have WORSE personal circumstances, and who JustGetOnWiddit.

The issue is NOT that you can't get a job, or that you've been fuktover by seventeen bajillion people. The issue for the clinically depressed person is that you feel like crap, REALLY REALLY BAD. And while that's real, and it's awful, and it almost completely prevents you from enjoying life and from functioning normally, you do NOT have to feel like that. It's not as simple as HTFU, and maybe a pill is only a bandaid solution (as would you being handed the perfect life - once the distraction of it wore off!), but what it is as simple as, is you being lifted/distracted/slapped around the face/hardened the fuck up enough to decide you've had enough, and do something to fix it. It's your choice what you do; if you want to make the big statement, and really hurt the people around you, then kill yourself. But I can tell you, that's a big mistake. Or you could go and talk to someone, not so they can feel sorry for you, pat you on the head, and go "There, there! It's OK! You poor wee thing!", coz that won't help either!
LISTEN and consider what they say, and take their advice.
Or you could make some changes to your lifestyle - not so much so things are morebetterer and you feel all happy! and wonderful! and fluffy! like the Happy Tree Friends! but so you break the habitual way of thinking/acting you are stuck in. Shuck off the Cloak of Negativity! Take off your PoorMe Pants! Ditch those sad clowns you hang around with! Become schitzophrenic, and argue with yourself everytime yourself starts to go, "This sucks... everything's crap.... no-one likes me... I have no friends now I've ditched the Sad Clown Crowd..." Say, "Fuck you, Self! Not everything's crap - the sun is shining today, and I like the feel of the cold air around my nethers now that I've taken off the PoorMe Pants! I have LOTS of imaginary friends on KiwiBiker! Yeah, I don't have a job, but my time's my own, and I'm not ruled by the clock! I'm no man's slave! There's a silver lining in every dark cloud! A platitude in every billabong! A bong in every stoner's house! A stone in every road! A rode in every bike! A bike under every fish! A fish in every jrandom...."

[chanceyy]

Don't ya just hate that kind of thinking. Drags ya down and draws more shit to ya self (I know, I've been there). Not easy, but ya need to change ya thinking from "I'm not worthy" to "I'm awesome". Me, well at least I have got myself to "I aren't half bad". Ya not going ta get jobs or attract good stuff in ya life if ya put ya self down. Stop doing it (besides ya spoil the fun for others who like doing that). Tell ya self that you are a worthwhile person every time ya time ya are felling "I'm a piece of worthless crap on the bottom of a banker's shoe" whether ya believe it or not. Find something ya like about ya self and work on that. LISTEN out for complements and accept them (even if ya don't "think" they are true or genuine, often they are). By doing this you are replacing "Negative Affirmations" with "Positive Affirmations". It can literally save ya life (it did mine).

When I got made redundant back when I was 19, I got very depressed. I would have gone to over 60 job interviews and blown the lot of them be cause I felt "unworthy". This lead to me being more depressed and feeding my feeling of "unworth". This got worse as the years went on, until ten years later I was feeling so sucky I nearly ended my life. Luckily I decided to seek a Counsellor. He help me put a bit of perspective on my view of life (which really sucked back then) and taught me the "Power of Positive Thinking" (I needed that to counter the "power of negative thinking"). I learnt the one thing ya have a true choice of in life is how ya feel about it. Life is much better for me now and shit doesn't "stick" to me as much as it used to. Yer, I've not got it down perfectly, and things can still get me down, but at least I have the skills ta deal with it now.

Well said RIB ..& so very very true .. have a friend who is a bit manic esp when she is low & she can get very very low ... was out of work & started beating her self up about it .. applying for jobs left right & centre but had such a negative attitude & got worse as each rejection came in ..

We talked every week when I would go there for dinner .. & helped with her cv & started to change her perception .. negativity breeds negatively .. change your thoughts to the positive & you will have good things happen ..

well she finally has a job & even though she is predisposed to being depressed the negative stuff is not as predominant .... not saying its not sitting there to rear its head again at the slightest provacation ..

[Winston001]

Hmmm........ Vifferman, initially I thought you were off beam but there is more than a kernal of truth in your posts above.

Depression, like any behaviour, can be learned so that we start to repeat it after a while rather than going "Oh oh - somethings not right here" and getting help.

In profound depression, there is no sense of self at all. Thinking about other worse-off people is meaningless because the ability to empathise is completely smothered in blackness. When you can understand other people's situations, you are on the path upward.

Human beings are social animals and we need contact with each other. In depression that doesn't necessarily mean "There there, poor you" but it does have to mean some validation of you as a human being. To be shown some tiny spark of worth.

It helps to think of depression as a bio-chemical imbalance in the brain which some of us have. Just as some people have diabetes.

[deanohit]

Well said there Vifferman. Gotta spread some rep before I give ya some bling again.

[janno]

Don't forget the old adage - behave your way to success.

It works.

Add it to your tool box of counselling if you need it, medications if you need it. But changing your behaviour is a must.

Another key is if certain people are dragging you down, get rid of them. Even if it is temporary. Harsh, but your job is to get you well, not to be a participant in some other person's sick life.

[vifferman]

Hmmm........ Vifferman, initially I thought you were off beam

You should always go with your first thoughts.
I'm in a weird headspace today. Started off tired, unhappy, depressed, then graduated to unhappy, pissed off, angry, and then that weird hyped-up almost bipolar thing kicked in. Aided by two coffees and a tea and some chocolate cake...

Here's summat weird... one of the ways I can recognise when my brain chemistry's farked (apart from weird word association, but that might just be 'normal' for me) is when I get 'visual dyslexia', and start misreading words. The first time I look, the word's spelled wrong (letters swap places), and when I do a double-take, it comes back to normal.

[Mystery]

My life over the last few years has been an emotional roller coaster ride, just when things start to look up and I can see my life improving, something goes wrong and down it goes again. I am now facing the hardest emotional hurdle I have ever had and I am struggling to deal with it. I have gone from a strong funny busy person to a sad person who has fogotten how to smile. Sleep, a full days work and a day without crying all seem to be things of the past and I cannot imagine being happy again. In the past, I have been strong enough to deal with any crap that life has thrown my way but this time I just cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel. Is it time to seek professional help?

[ManDownUnder]

Is it time to seek professional help?

I think so - yes... why do I say that?

I just cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Don't just take my word... talk to those you trust... ask them to give you the brutal truth

[vifferman]

I have gone from a strong funny busy person to a sad person who has fogotten how to smile. Sleep, a full days work and a day without crying all seem to be things of the past and I cannot imagine being happy again. Is it time to seek professional help?

Yup. Sounds like it's well overdue.

[janno]

Clinical depression is classed as when your terribly down state of mind lasts longer than two weeks.

If you are just having a bad week and then it comes right, you are ok.

But talking to a professional is great, because they've seen it all before. Just make sure you get on with them! If you don't like the person, you won't get anywhere. Move around until you find the right person if you have to.

[Disco Dan]

More like welcome to the realities of Life mate. Always remember there are people far worse off then you or I.
It's all about learning the tools and utilising them to our advantage and not just saying "poor ol' me".
It's not about the "HTFU" bs...it's about being proactive.

Cheers for that... about time someone was frank.

Oh dear.
Look, often you have little control over the things that happen to you in life. The thing you DO have control over though is your attitude - your response to what happens. Yes, life sucks sometimes, and yes indeedy, when your brain's misbehaving it makes it very difficult. But it doesn't have to be that way, and you don't have to choose to focus on the bad things. If you walk around looking at the ground, yes, you will see all the dogshit, the mud, dead things, your broken shoelaces, used condoms etc., but if you lift your gaze, you'll still be in the same circumstances, but your perspective will be quite different. Eggs Zachary what that ManDownUnder chasp was saying.
If it's hard to get your head out of that black cloud (or that black cloud out of your head), then do yourself a favour - go to the supermarket/chemist, buy the wussiest strength of St John's Wort and chuck one back, or even half a one. It should give you just enough lift to get you on your feet.

If, OTOH, you like wallowing in your PitOfDoom, I'm sure you can find LOTS more things to be unhappy about. The economy? The crappy state of UnZud now that the grey-suited, grey-faced Safety Nazis are in full NambyPamby "Trust us - we know what's best for you" mode?

Yeah, I know I sound like I'm being a kont, and maybe I am. But I also know it's WAY too easy to just slip into the habit.
"Uh... I'm feeling DOWN today. I know what to do here... put on my Overcoat of Sorrow, my PoorMe sox, the "Don't fuck with me, I'm borked" hat, the holey black Undies of Doom. Is that it? Oh wait - I forgot the BigBlackShitKickerBoots, to kick myself in the nuts when/if I start to forget to feel sorry for myself."

Ask yourself this, DepressedDudes/Dudettes:
Do I really want to feel this way?
Do I really have to feel this way?
Am I just doing this out of habit, coz it's like a comfy old sweatshirt?
What do I really want? For people to notice me/feel sorry for me? If so, what use is that to me?

Do summat different today! Shrug it off! Indulge yourself with something fun! For goodness sake - it's sunny for a change; go out and enjoy it!

[/rant mode]
[redrep mode - fire away]

Sometimes this place can feel more uptight than a school boy, other times loose and laid back as a brazilian... today... a wonderbra full of support.

[Kittyhawk]

Shit happens, and you got to accept it and move on. It's the moving on part which is the hardest.

Im going to move on no matter how hard it is going to get.