She's gone.

[Mom]

I have been thinking a lot lately about kids/children in general

The reason is that we have lost our only daughter Lani to Norway for a year (she is 16)
I don’t care what others think about it, but I miss her terribly.
When she left we cried and moped around home and we still feel that there is something missing, and the house is very quiet
We are very close, and after the past few days I feel as though our family has been ripped apart.

Regards

Mate, I can clearly remember when my daughter went to Japan at the same age.
I am a big advocate of raising independant children and did not think I would ever suffer the empty nest thing. WRONG! Interestingly now she is almost 21 I dont pine at all! Time and a place and season and blah blah!

I expected to miss her at first, but not like I actually did. I was simply not happy while Rachael was away, nothing specific, just felt something was not right. I burst into tears when I recieved a letter, pined for her dreadfully!! A wise friend of mine comforted me by saying I was not ready to let go......she was right!
My kids mean the world to me, I would be the one that you might read about facing charges of murder, should someone damage them, I have no doubt about it.

Sadly there is a culture here that is blind to the abuse of the kids of our future. I read I think in the herald today a family member of that beautiful little girl that died on Friday saying.........whanau need to own this and do something about it! Speak out if you see something, damn the consequences!

[Winston001]

We don't want to be reminded that this sort of thing goes on in our communities. In return for paying our taxes we just want The Gummint to take care of it.

Unfortunately this is all too often our attitude. Everything has become the Government's fault. "They" should do something.

In part it is the result of social democracy where the "cradle to the grave" ethic absolves individuals from worrying about their neighbours.

The other element is that there are quite simply a lot of people in the world. We no longer live in villages and it is hard to know about and intervene when towns and cities are so large.

So we expect the "authorities" to do the protecting. Of course they are just people too, with limited time and resources.

Instead as a nation we need to embrace teaching simple respect at primary school level. Teach that violent acts against other people are wrong. Teach that damaging/stealing property is wrong.

These concepts should come with mothers milk but these days.......uh uh.

I know it sounds all a bit Pollyanna but honestly, these basic values are needed for a civil society to function without fear.

[98tls]

Yeah mate.

I try to keep a level head most of the time but this shite does help me see red more quickly than normal. I'm one of those "Slow to anger" types but when I get there do not expect a rational response...

I know if this happened to any of my kids I'd be turning myself into the cop ship for fear of doing something that would se me locked up for life an beyond.

My bit is simply this. Pay it forward. Sounds strange possibly but the more I look at the world and what ails it, it seems to be the sense of collective responsibility. So if I can stick my nose in your business - only when well intentioned, respectful and with the intention of helping, you're welcome to reciprocate.

These monsters need bringing down, and the cops are understaffed (like that's a surprise) and couldn't be everywhere even if they had the numbers. It's the neighbours who are the front line. And if they are likely to be overwhelmed - THEIR neighbours need to be available to help... and so on.

I'm pissed off by this whole bloody mess too... I really am. I'm doing what I can to clean up my back yard and keep an eye on one or two around me.

The invite's there to come along for the ride if you think it can work.

I'm starting to sounds like John and Yoko "All I am saying, is give peace a chance" LOL

Anyway. Good post - I know where you are coming from... I do take issue with some of the solutions proposed, but then that's simply a difference of opinion. I daren't say any of it is wrong.

Agreed to mate but i dont believe its about the numbers of cops..cops and the rest of NZ gets let down by the circus that follows there arrest,as i posted before theres a whole army of want to make the world a better place by talking about it tree hugging fuck ups that pay there mortgage by convincing fellow but higher up tree hugging fuck-ups that talking will make a difference.Theres a few on hear that no doubt will soon contribute some shit filled wisdom to the conversation.

[peasea]

I see that some pious self-promoting child welfare group is now advocating three minutes of silence in protest against child abuse. I guess after generations of New Zealanders standing around doing and saying nothing about child abuse, another three minutes of inaction can't hurt. Then everybody can go back to what ever it was they were doing, knowing that they've done something really constructive that will make a difference to abused children's lives.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/4154918a10.html

Yeah, like putting a chip up your dog's nose will prevent dog attacks. There's another child in hospital today, dunno if the dog had a chip or not but I bet that kid doesn't care either way.

What we should do is chip all the ducks, so we could track them and shoot them all, preventing little brats from being tempted to feed them at the park.

Something else we need is three minutes silence from a few politicians.

[Zukin]

Who the hell merged my post with this one
Here is my original post, and I didn't want to respond to this thread, otherwise I bloody would of!!!!

Although it is a similar topic, it is quite different!!
I am referring to child abuse in general, not one specific case.
In my post I refer to the heroes that often go unnoticed in domestic violence and child abuse, what does this have to do with Shes Gone?

The "Shes Gone topic is sad and well written but I didn't want my post associated with it

The mods (or whomever merged it) are just like some of NZ's society, they sweep issues under the carpet

Put it back!

[Biff]

Baying for ..... compulsory castration

I do - And not because I necessarily want the perp to suffer in some misguided form of retaliation (), but because it would remove their libido (so I hear). I'm talking about sexual deviants (kiddie fiddlers, rapists etc), not your standard scumbag who appear to think it's ok to go about a small child with a bat.

Fuck the PC crap - If by removing a serial offender's nuts you remove the threat of a kiddie fiddler/rapist's urge to commit an offense then I vote yay. I'd also like to see the pervs put into a fenced enclosure with some hungry tigers. Maybe a 10 acre fenced off section. A few bushes, some small trees. The place rigged up with loads of close circuit cameras to catch all the best bits. Oh and microphones. I like tigers.

[Ocean1]

Care to explain exactly what you mean? It sounds interesting...And I'm also wondering whether you're trying to yank my chain...

Common enough advice (don't sweat the petty stuff), often heard when women (in particular) discuss their kid's minor trangressions. Taken to mean "save your energy for the more serious discpline issues".

Self-defeating of course, there may be occasions where it's appropriate to refrain from attempting to correct your kids behaviour, but not many. If you don't take the natural small everyday attacks on the boundaries of authority as an opportunity to teach your kids then they don't recognise it when they really fuck up.

So, sweat the small stuff, or you'll be sweating bigger and bigger stuff.

Re chain... relax, I carefully didn't say "don't pet the sweaty stuff."

[Hitcher]

Who the hell merged my post with this one?

The mods (or whomever merged it) are just like some of NZ's society, they sweep issues under the carpet

Put it back!

I did. There are enough "child abuse hatred" threads on here. And despite its original intent, this thread too has done its share of advocating retaliatory violence and other malicious intent.

Get off your high horse and devote some of your anger to intelligent, reasoned discussion on a topical issue. There are enough Mod Bashing threads on here as well.

Let's keep this discussion in as few places as possible, OK?

[007XX]

Common enough advice (don't sweat the petty stuff), often heard when women (in particular) discuss their kid's minor trangressions. Taken to mean "save your energy for the more serious discpline issues".

Self-defeating of course, there may be occasions where it's appropriate to refrain from attempting to correct your kids behaviour, but not many. If you don't take the natural small everyday attacks on the boundaries of authority as an opportunity to teach your kids then they don't recognise it when they really fuck up.

So, sweat the small stuff, or you'll be sweating bigger and bigger stuff.

One should carefully choose his/her battles, eh? Definitely!

Nip it in the bud, I say!

[Zukin]

I did. There are enough "child abuse hatred" threads on here. And despite its original intent, this thread too has done its share of advocating retaliatory violence and other malicious intent.

Get off your high horse and devote some of your anger to intelligent, reasoned discussion on a topical issue. There are enough Mod Bashing threads on here as well.

Let's keep this discussion in as few places as possible, OK?

I agree with you most of the time Hitcher, but this time I think your wrong OK?

Again you edit the post and only quote what you want to quote!!
Edit, edit, merge, chop etc Blah Blah

I could understand if my post has something to do with the original post, but it doesn't

Why
1. First I was expressing my disappointment about my daughter leaving NZ
2. I wanted to express how I felt about parents whom have lost children for other genuine reasons
3. I wanted to share why the reasons some people that wish they could have children cant.
4. To share my personal opinion, if that involves hatred towards child abusers then that is fine by me, I really dont care what others think!

I rarely get on the high horse, so why cant I express my opinions? I have for for the most part, taken part in constructive and "intelligent" discussions, but this has been taken too far.

As for Mod bashing, that was never my intention, hence why I said "The mods (or whomever merged it)??
I dont know if mods are the only members that can change things or not

Enough
Put it back

Regards Scott

[Bend-it]

So, who's doing the 3 minute vigil to protest against child abuse? We should have a Welly KB vigil somewhere... followed by lunch...

If you haven't heard about it, it's a silent vigil where at 12.12pm tomorrow, everyone stops work, goes out to the street and stands for 3 minutes.

See article here:
http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/dominio...6220a6030.html

I thought it might be more meaningful if we did it together, preferably visibly with bikes.

Any ideas? Post in thread here: http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/sh....php?p=1162862

[peasea]

So, who's doing the 3 minute vigil to protest against child abuse? We should have a Welly KB vigil somewhere... followed by lunch...

If you haven't heard about it, it's a silent vigil where at 12.12pm tomorrow, everyone stops work, goes out to the street and stands for 3 minutes.

See article here:
http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/dominio...6220a6030.html

I thought it might be more meaningful if we did it together, preferably visibly with bikes.

Any ideas? Post in thread here: http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/sh....php?p=1162862

Sorry, but I fail to see what three minutes of silence is going to do.

It will take years (not three minutes) to reverse the trend of child abuse and while I applaud starting somewhere, to me silence isn't the right place. After all, it's most likely that silence is what the problem feeds on.

Irony comes in many forms.

[Hitcher]

Sorry, but I fail to see what three minutes of silence is going to do.

It will take years (not three minutes) to reverse the trend of child abuse and while I applaud starting somewhere, to me silence isn't the right place. After all, it's most likely that silence is what the problem feeds on.

Irony comes in many forms.

I agree absolutely. The motivation for such public grandstanding is more to do with activist groups headline seeking for their own purposes rather than any sense of concern or offering of real solutions for family violence in New Zealand.

This will not be New Zealand's last Nia death experience...

[007XX]

In regards to the 3 minute silence moment...I'll be hugging my son for that time, thanking all that is for bringing him to me and give me the strength to be the best parent I can ever be.

Silence is not what will stop malfunctionning individuals from doing what they did to children like Nia...

Silence is the opposite of what needs to be done.

[peasea]

In regards to the 3 minute silence moment...I'll be hugging my son for that time, thanking all that is for bringing him to me and give me the strength to be the best parent I can ever be.

Silence is not what will stop malfunctionning individuals from doing what they did to children like Nia...

Silence is the opposite of what needs to be done.

Quite right and I just got a glimpse on telly of the gems of our society that brought about Nia's death. They say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover but if the book is wide open you're likely to get the general idea of what it's all about.

I actually didn't say anything when I saw those miscreants; I just looked, shook my head, thought about how wonderful my kids are and how important those first few years are. Nia, whose image will never escape me, won't get to do the things my eldest and I did today; doing the dishes, painting some more of the fence, wash the cars and share a cuppa. It's true; that's what we did.

Nia won't get that chance, that opportunity, that love.

RIP Nia.