Abuse of women?

[u4ea]

Neither was I. What I REALLY want to know is, why it is OK to abuse, sexually or otherwise, boys and men? Why does everyone just shrug and go, "whatever", whenever anyone brings it up? Why do women get funding, research, newspaper articles, and everything they say accepted as truth, where men are likely to end up be shunned if they dare open their mouths?

Offending rates against children won't have a gender bias. I guarantee it. It will just be reporting rates that differ.

When are women going to stand up and help sort out the denial that it doesn't happen to little boys, or if it does the general, unspoken consensus seems to be that they deserve it for being male?

I know two men who were sexually abused and they are both alchaholics.Another who has taken years to build his life and open up to his wife.Men are not as forward about telling anyone as it's not masculan to have your manhood removed is it?

[deanohit]

Rap videos....? I'm not too impressed with the incredibly early sexualisation of kids, girls or boys.

Too true!

But back on topic - this is serious shit. I've had a couple of fantastic women confide in me over the years that they have suffered sexual abuse at the hands of an older relative (one was an older girl at that point of 'experimenting') and it's done all manner of damage.

I had a girlfriend like that a few years back. When I first met her she was a wreck, dunno what it was about her, but we clicked straight away (rare for me). Took her awhile to become comfortable with me being around and we were together about 6 monthes before she had to go back to the States. Haven't heard from her since, but her dad emailed me soon after to say she was back with her old crowd of friends again and a mess.

Some seem to react by being overly sexual, others by being almost frigid. It sure destroys any notions of what a 'normal sexual response' is.

Yep true. She was very fridgid until she realised I wasn't there just for sex. After she realised that, I had to tell her to slow down as I wanted her to be sure first. We'd both suffered abuse (sexual for her, physical for me) as kids, but she was way more fucked up than I ever was. I'm just sad that she was finally getting better and is now back down again.

[deanohit]

I know two men who were sexually abused and they are both alchaholics.Another who has taken years to build his life and open up to his wife.Men are not as forward about telling anyone as it's not masculin to have your manhood removed is it?

Exactly, not many of my old friends know I used to get beat up as I was afraid of my stepdad finding out I had told some one, but now, I'm to the stage of where I say "fuck it, I'm me, damaged and fucked up, but still me" and if he ever tries to cause any more shit for my mum, brothers, or me, he's gonna wish the cops had got him first.

[surfchick]

Neither was I. What I REALLY want to know is, why it is OK to abuse, sexually or otherwise, boys and men? Why does everyone just shrug and go, "whatever", whenever anyone brings it up? Why do women get funding, research, newspaper articles, and everything they say accepted as truth, where men are likely to end up be shunned if they dare open their mouths?

Offending rates against children won't have a gender bias. I guarantee it. It will just be reporting rates that differ.

When are women going to stand up and help sort out the denial that it doesn't happen to little boys, or if it does the general, unspoken consensus seems to be that they deserve it for being male?

absolutely happens to young boys. so many cases in which the parents won't ever know either. (priests abusing boys then passing the abused boy from one priest to the other). unforgiveable.

[Trudes]

What I REALLY want to know is, why it is OK to abuse, sexually or otherwise, boys and men? Why does everyone just shrug and go, "whatever", whenever anyone brings it up? Why do women get funding, research, newspaper articles, and everything they say accepted as truth, where men are likely to end up be shunned if they dare open their mouths?

Interesting isn't it.
I was at a First Aid course the other week and we were discussing broken bits of bodies, and this woman in her 40s says "I broke a bone in my hand", Instructor says "how'd you do that", woman says "I punched my hubby in the head" Quite serious like, everyone laughs, I say to the group "I don't think that's terribly funny, if she was a man saying that he broke his hand punching his wife in the head, you'd all be jumping on him for it, how is this any different?", crowd goes silent.

[Nasty]

I think I am lucky ... I was never sexually abused .. and I don't think others in my family were .. but would have not idea ... one of the guys I grew up with ... his mother abused him for years ... it was not until I was an adult that mum told me ... I am sickened that she got away with that.

I was, however, mentally and emotionally abused ... you will be nothing ... barefoot and pregnant by 18 ... you are shit .... useless ... etc ... and this is from other extended members of my family .... all I can say is that I never believe what other people say ... and never ever do what they predict!

[Goblin]

And yes, I can well believe that 25% of women have been victims of it.

Some prefer the term "Survivor"

In some ways boys are more vulnerable to abuse than girls because it is far more unspeakable for it to happen to a boy. The shame and guilt never ends.

Im slightly confused by the poll options. Is the option for men to indicate that they have been abused or not?

The figures for the women so far is looking more like 50/50 than 25%. I believe the reason for that is that more people are willing to talk about it once they mature. Children are still being abused as much as ever and its still the best kept secret. It's not until later in life that alot of people can actually face it and talk about it. Paedophiles are the most cunning, manipulative and evil people out there.

[Mom]

Some prefer the term "Survivor"

In some ways boys are more vulnerable to abuse than girls because it is far more unspeakable for it to happen to a boy. The shame and guilt never ends.

Im slightly confused by the poll options. Is the option for men to indicate that they have been abused or not?

The figures for the women so far is looking more like 50/50 than 25%. I believe the reason for that is that more people are willing to talk about it once they mature. Children are still being abused as much as ever and its still the best kept secret. It's not until later in life that alot of people can actually face it and talk about it. Paedophiles are the most cunning, manipulative and evil people out there.

I have never been sexually abused.
This subject is a hidden and dark secret that needs to be dragged out of the cupboard. Yes Goblin, you are so right, it is boys as much as girls, but I guess our current society still touts the men are tough route, when most of us know that they are wonderfully strong and very soft. Dont take me wrong, men need to be strong and use the protect and provide gene as much as a woman needs to use her I am not feeble, weak and unworthy one. BUT, we are all entitled to be treated as decent, precious, intelligent, worthy individuals. Sad statistics used here.

Survivors of the world unite!

[Lteejay]

What bullshit stats - I would love to see what they have termed 'sexual abuse' and if their sample of women is representative of the larger demographic. I'm not trying to be insensitive to those who have been sexually abused, because it is a bloody horrible thing to happen to anyone. But this sort of irresponsible publishing does not help anyone. There are too many studies out there that have a poor research approach and are not rigorous enough. I have some involvement in the medical research field and I am embarrased this has been done at my Uni. I would love to look at their research notes.

Rant over

[car]

The figures for the women so far is looking more like 50/50 than 25%. I believe the reason for that is that more people are willing to talk about it once they mature.

Or abused women are over-represented amongst women motorcyclists. Or abused women are over-represented amongst technically sophisticated women.

[Mrs Cowboyz]

Neither was I. What I REALLY want to know is, why it is OK to abuse, sexually or otherwise, boys and men? Why does everyone just shrug and go, "whatever", whenever anyone brings it up? Why do women get funding, research, newspaper articles, and everything they say accepted as truth, where men are likely to end up be shunned if they dare open their mouths?

Offending rates against children won't have a gender bias. I guarantee it. It will just be reporting rates that differ.

When are women going to stand up and help sort out the denial that it doesn't happen to little boys, or if it does the general, unspoken consensus seems to be that they deserve it for being male?

Couldnt agree more jim2. Its a pity but it goes like this.....Real men are not allowed to cry, Real men are not allowed to nark, Real men are not allowed to show emotion, Real men are not allowed to have feelings...etc etc. This is why women have funding and shelters and high statistics.
Until society changes (and it wont anytime in the near future) these things will not change.

[tri boy]

if anyone knows a fix, let me know. counselling didnt work.

I'm not sure if there is a fix for any trauma along these lines,but finding good decent people that help support and nurture the people that go through this stuff is about the best therapy I can think of.
Having friends you can trust and rely on are the greatest people that we all hopefully have.
And I guess not letting past events hinder your future.

[Mrs Cowboyz]

They can do as many polls of how many women/men have been abused as they want...how does it help solve anything regardless of the numbers?

[Beemer]

I find those figures hard to believe. I realise it's not the type of thing many people would spill their guts about, but none of my female friends has ever mentioned being abused as a child. I grew up in Hastings, Wainuiomata and Whakatane - so perhaps I'm more at risk of being a terrorist!

[98tls]

I reckon 99% of blokes over a certain age will have suffered what would be defined as abuse these days. Second guessing historical models of discipline and abuse is futile. That was then, this is now. Get over it.

Like any public survey/study in NZ it is designed to create advertising revenue and bolster an industry that makes money out of misery.

Absolutly,it seems that women who live in Auckland and the Waikato talk for the rest of the country.Thank god ACC doesnt do the $10,000 hand out with no questions asked anymore.I have no doubt there are many sufferers of abuse in this country but theres many more that cry abuse when confronted with facing reality.