Suicide stories

[Big Dog]

We all have the opportunity to make a differnece in the lives of the people we encounter, be it once or every day.

I have been on both sides of the fence, sometimes at the same time.
The first time I seriously weighted my options in this was about a year after I moved to Auckland. It weighed heavily in my heart mind and soul for four years. Even though there were periods of days or even weeks there was not a month it did not come in to my head. Every month it got so there was less reason to procceed.

One sentence got me through that, "this too shall pass".

Outwardly I led a charmed life, to many people I am a happy person. For moments in time I am. Inside I was dying a little more every day.

I went to a school reunion one day. One of the kids who used to bully me at school took me aside after dinner and said that a speech I had given in a competition at school had changed his life. That at the time he heard it he was planning to kill himself on the next school holidays.

I still have dark days. I still feel a blackness that gets thicker and thicker until it becomes a very real and tangible thing, but it is rarer now.

I think that Aucklanders are the main reason for this. They spend so much of their time worrying about what they want from you that they become dismissive of you.

When I feel really down I fabricate a reason to go and visit good people. I don't want hand outs, I don't want sympathy or even to have them say "you look sad". What I want / need is to have someone talk to me with decency / respect. Just offer sincerity and good company.

In all your dealings with people ask yourself how would I feel? Is that fair?

We all hold the power to make peoples lives better or worse. When you look at yourself in the mirror on the last day of your life, do you want to be able to say you made other people lives hell or that you made other people smile?

[The Lone Rider]

You know a lot people are saying you need to support someone who is going through the motions.

And what does someone who is alone do? There are people who live alone, with either no family or rather aged parents, and with a limited capacity to spend time with friends as their friends all have kids and family that take all their time? Who do they go to for help?


Yikes, I've started a long thread.

[scumdog]

Remember: With life there is hope.

With death you've lost all hope.

Todays black wall on front of you will be a tiny grey slope tomorrow, with friends and help there's always a solution that embraces life.

[Colapop]

If you are alone or at least think you are, you'll find that somewhere in your life you're not. It takes a small movement to reach out for help. Even when you don't want or think no-one is there.

[Grahameeboy]

My friend committed suicide. She wrote letters to her friends, I got a Marks & Spencer Voucher as she knew I like banana's........just stuck a tube from the exhaust and that was it.

I understand why she did it. Husband died early, then a close friend died of a heart attack, she had no kids, just a Sister..she had enough of life.

[mstriumph]

.......And what does someone who is alone do? ............... Who do they go to for help?.......

KiwiBiker?

[Bikernereid]

Believe me if you suffer with depression or bipolar you can't help how you feel and it is constantly as if someone is playing with a switch that controls your moods. There is nothing so despairing than not being able to control what is going on in your head. People with mental health issues who commit suicide are people that have no other choice and are not selfish. They are doing the only thing that they can to help themselves, and you may find that they have tried so many other things that killing themselves is the only solution. Yes it is devestating for those left behind but the constant pain that they were in was far worse.

The guy I cut down from a tree was found in bush in northwest Wellington.

Common theme though... mindset aside, what they did was utterly selfish and hurtful to thweir families.

[The Lone Rider]

KiwiBiker?

Hmm, might not be any good for someone without a bike or internet?
Or someone who doesn't listen to strangers anyway?

[scumdog]

Hmm, might not be any good for someone without a bike or internet?
Or someone who doesn't listen to strangers anyway?

Lifeline.

And others.

But the main thing IS TO TALK TO SOMEBODY, anybody..

[Bikernereid]

I didn't talk as I didn't want to burden my parents, they had enough to deal with already. Everyone thought I was the life and soul of the party; been depressed or bipolar can create a great lair who really hides their pain and anguish well.

I eventually ended up in hospital after an overdose, which was not cry for help; I felt even more of a failure after I had screwed that up as well. Eventually I got some psychological assistance and talking did help but what I needed more than anything was to make it on my own. This proved to me that I could get through the dark days and even though it never leaves you I could control myself and my moods better.

Am I happy I did not suceed, hell yes but I can also remember where I was at that time and times since and will always have symapthy for anyone who does either try to kill themselves or succeeds as I know what a bleak place they have been or are in.

[Number One]

Kiwibiker as a support for people who are alone and in a fragile state? hmmmmm

Nice idea but while I see that there are a vast number of people on here who are great and do seem to have empathy and a modicum of care for others it seems that that all depends on whether your posts and opinions are well received or not.

Take the way this thread began...AND I MEAN NO offence here LS, but the simple wording, lack of context for the 'query' and kinda clunky delivery certainly had me (and I note a few others) feeling a bit ruffled and nervous about where it was all gonna go... very impressed to see where it has gone (a mature discussion about the issue from many different viewpoints)

IMHO AND from my own obs/experience - Not everyone on KB is tolerant, understanding, encouraging or supportive...and I'd think it could be pretty tough for someone who is already 'unbalanced and suffering' to be slammed by one of those posters.

I recognise that we can't and shouldn't sugar coat life, or wrap ourselves up in cotton wool nor be expected always to worry about safeguarding others from possible offense but I'm not convinced that this forum would be the safest option for someone in a fragile state, unless they were really quite good at expressing themselves in written format.

Just my opinion AND AGAIN MANY of you cats on here are bloody gems but there are some that are just *%$#$ and worst of all IMHO they seem to act as if it is all just entertaining sport.

I took a shot at someone today on here and while it was a rather 'gentle one' compared to other comments made to said individual and I still think the comments that prompted my response were just plain DUMB after some 'enlightment from a fellow Kber' I do feel guilty about it.

Makes you wonder - what if my shitty reply/lash on here to someone was the straw that broke the camels back...could you live with yourself I'd certainly feel like shite! Might be overly dramatic but it is soooo easy to be completely removed from what you say on here isn't it?!

[Mikkel]

Very interesting thread this...

When I was younger (and perhaps still on rare occassions) I sometimes played with the thought like you play with fire or other dangerous matters. I was never really serious about it, but there is a darkness in me that can frighten and pull itself to the surface every now and again. Sometimes I have even invited it, played with it - like fire...

Somewhere I suspect that I am not all that different from everyone else - that everyone has an amount of darkness - an ability to do and appreciate negativity and evil - in them, somewhere no matter how well hidden.

Ones present situation has a great impact upon how well one handles this darkness, whether you are able or unable to handle, command, summon and banish it at will. We're all different, and have minds that are more or less robust.

However, if you loose control of that darkness it can fill your days and will eat away at your ability to bring it back under control. When your mind is filled with it, it becomes very hard to lighten up, coping with it or regaining your mental strength. And while you are engaged in this internal struggle you still present a cheerful facade to the world - because it's one of the few things you can do, it's easy and you think that pretending you're alright will somehow make things better. So noone sees your suffering, perhaps because they aren't looking deeply enough... And you can only hope that when you do crack, that you crack in a way that is not permanent!

This I have been there myself... Luckily, I have been priviledged with a good safety net and "the courage to cry" if you could call it that. Thus, I never went over the edge!

It is well known that people who have introspective qualities, are creative, thoughtful, worryers, etc. have a higher risk of taking their own lives. Personally I think it has to do with a curiosity, a willingness to confront and play with that personal darkness - which in turn will make you more likely to succumb to it...
Doesn't mean you can be immune by banishing it, denying it in everything that you do - that might just make you very ill-prepared for the day it manages to sink it's teeth into you despite your denial.

However, if you choose to leave this world behind - leaving anyone who truly care for you without having talked to them about it first - that is ALWAYS selfish, cowardly and despicable. It may be understandable, but that is an entirely different matter - no matter how you look at it suicide is the easy way out if you're unable to face the music!

On the other hand, if you do not leave anyone behind with that nagging feeling of "I should have known", "I could have done something", etc. then I think you should be free to choose how to end your life if you so desired (euthanasia, self-sacrifice, etc.)


Sorry, that got kinda long-winded, but enough of my pseudo-psycho babble! I'm pretty sure it also has something to do with how we live our lives and how we choose to relate to that. If we join in the de-personalising madness or if we can to stand back and appreciate and laugh at the absurdity of it.
Depressing as they may be I think the following lyrics are pretty spot on:

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Mad World
Enlarging your world
Mad World.

[Bikernereid]

The new version is far more moving than the original but when you really listen to the lyrics it makes you realise just what life can be like for some people and it is not good.

What you have said is extremely insightful and I think for the most part quite accurate. I think we disagree on some issue but where would we be if we agreed on everything all of the time. Differences are what make us unique and greater understand of these differences helps us to evolve and mature into better human beings.

Very interesting thread this...

When I was younger (and perhaps still on rare occassions) I sometimes played with the thought like you play with fire or other dangerous matters. I was never really serious about it, but there is a darkness in me that can frighten and pull itself to the surface every now and again. Sometimes I have even invited it, played with it - like fire...

Somewhere I suspect that I am not all that different from everyone else - that everyone has an amount of darkness - an ability to do and appreciate negativity and evil - in them, somewhere no matter how well hidden.

Ones present situation has a great impact upon how well one handles this darkness, whether you are able or unable to handle, command, summon and banish it at will. We're all different, and have minds that are more or less robust.

However, if you loose control of that darkness it can fill your days and will eat away at your ability to bring it back under control. When your mind is filled with it, it becomes very hard to lighten up, coping with it or regaining your mental strength. And while you are engaged in this internal struggle you still present a cheerful facade to the world - because it's one of the few things you can do, it's easy and you think that pretending you're alright will somehow make things better. So noone sees your suffering, perhaps because they aren't looking deeply enough... And you can only hope that when you do crack, that you crack in a way that is not permanent!

This I have been there myself... Luckily, I have been priviledged with a good safety net and "the courage to cry" if you could call it that. Thus, I never went over the edge!

It is well known that people who have introspective qualities, are creative, thoughtful, worryers, etc. have a higher risk of taking their own lives. Personally I think it has to do with a curiosity, a willingness to confront and play with that personal darkness - which in turn will make you more likely to succumb to it...
Doesn't mean you can be immune by banishing it, denying it in everything that you do - that might just make you very ill-prepared for the day it manages to sink it's teeth into you despite your denial.

However, if you choose to leave this world behind - leaving anyone who truly care for you without having talked to them about it first - that is ALWAYS selfish, cowardly and despicable. It may be understandable, but that is an entirely different matter - no matter how you look at it suicide is the easy way out if you're unable to face the music!

On the other hand, if you do not leave anyone behind with that nagging feeling of "I should have known", "I could have done something", etc. then I think you should be free to choose how to end your life if you so desired (euthanasia, self-sacrifice, etc.)


Sorry, that got kinda long-winded, but enough of my pseudo-psycho babble! I'm pretty sure it also has something to do with how we live our lives and how we choose to relate to that. If we join in the de-personalising madness or if we can to stand back and appreciate and laugh at the absurdity of it.
Depressing as they may be I think the following lyrics are pretty spot on:

[Mikkel]

The new version is far more moving than the original but when you really listen to the lyrics it makes you realise just what life can be like for some people and it is not good.

I agree that Gary Jules' interpretation is way better than Tears for Fears original (written by Roland Orzabal and released in 1982). However, seeing as Gary Jules didn't write the lyrics I wouldn't consider it appropriate to credit him for them

I do however disagree, I think most of us would be able to recognise quite a few things from those lyrics in our everyday lives. I certainly can recognise a few things from my current life and from my upbringing as well.

Considering it was written in 1982 I think it is a very insightful piece of contemporary poetry!

What you have said is extremely insightful and I think for the most part quite accurate. I think we disagree on some issue but where would we be if we agreed on everything all of the time. Differences are what make us unique and greater understand of these differences helps us to evolve and mature into better human beings.

Indeed, it would be boring if we all knew everything and everyone was right all the time!

Too bad too few embraces the diversity and shy away from the unknown!

[The Lone Rider]

Take the way this thread began...AND I MEAN NO offence here LS, but the simple wording, lack of context for the 'query' and kinda clunky delivery certainly had me (and I note a few others) feeling a bit ruffled and nervous about where it was all gonna go... very impressed to see where it has gone (a mature discussion about the issue from many different viewpoints)

I was tired and couldn't sleep, having gotten up at 8am that morning. Managed sleep at 1pm the next day,... er same day. Still feeling pretty tired.