The Future of Nursery Rhymes

[Stirts]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.



It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh ****, it's Global Warming.



Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread.



Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
"What have U got there?"
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you dickhead.



Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.



Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too cause he was gay.




Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.



Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy

[Colapop]

And now it's black and crispy...

Hahahaha! Fry the f*cker!

[Maverick]

Mary had a little lamb
And it was always humping,
She tied to to a 5 bar gate,
and kicked its little ***'s in.

[Trouss]

Mary had a little bike
She rode it on the grass
Every time the wheel went round
The spokes went up her arse



Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the mantlepiece
To see if thay would F............. all off

[NotaGoth]

Hickory dickory dock
Dis bitch was sucking me cock
The clock struck two, I dumped me goo
And dropped her at da end of da block

[fireball]

old mother hubbard
went to the cupboard
to fetch poor rover a bone
when she bent over
rover took over
and gave her a bone of his own.

[turtleman]

Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on her Tuffet,
Her knickers all tattered and torn,
It wasn't the spider
that sat down beside her,
'Twas Little Boy Blue, and his horn !

[turtleman]

Mary had a little sheep,
and with that sheep, she went to sleep,
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
so Mary had a little lamb !


When Mary had a little lamb
the doctors were surpised,
but when Old McDonald had a farm,
they couldn't believe their eyes!!

[Edbear]

Mary had a little lamb
A Lobster and some prunes
Washed it down with a bottle of wine
And then some Macaroons

It made the naughty waiters' grin
To see her order so
And when they carried Mary out
Her face was white as snow

[sunhuntin]

Hickory dickory dock
Dis bitch was sucking me cock
The clock struck two, I dumped me goo
And dropped her at da end of da block

that is the funniest thing i have ever read!

hickory dickory dock
the mouse ran up the clock
tail got tangled
mouse got mangled
hickory dickory dock

[dino3310]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
all the kings horses
and all the kings men
said fuck it hes only an egg.

[Stirts]

Mary Mary quite contrary trim that c*#t its so damn hairy!

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills fanny
Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock coz Jill was a tranny!

[Macktheknife]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water,
Jill forgot to take the pill
and now she has a daughter.

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I often saw her little lamb
but would rather see her bare.

Mary has a little lamb
she's also good at talking
The only way to shut her up
Well I'm sure you can work that one out.

Mary loves her animals
She also loves a spanking
and she makes a lot of money off her website.

[warewolf]

Mary had a little lamb
she kept it in a castle
and ev'ry time it jumped the moat
you could see its little... (hey! hey! that's enough of that)... tail?

[CaMo]

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
And turned it's wool to nylon.