Dumb things bikers do without bikes.

[007XX]

: I knew it, your sooo naughty. Oh ground swallow me up.

Not so much naughty as loathing boredom and having plenty of imagination to avoid it

Oh in regards to cooking: Do Not, under any circumstances, try to cook an egg (still in its shell) or a spring roll, in a microwave...

Trust me, it ain't pretty and is really hard to clean up...

For my defence, I have now improved considerably my cooking skills

[oldrider]

Not so much naughty as loathing boredom and having plenty of imagination to avoid it

Oh in regards to cooking: Do Not, under any circumstances, try to cook an egg (still in its shell) or a spring roll, in a microwave...

Trust me, it ain't pretty and is really hard to clean up...

For my defence, I have now improved considerably my cooking skills

A woman with your obvious assets, attitude and intelect doesn't need anything else! Cheers, John.

[007XX]

A woman with your obvious assets, attitude and intelect doesn't need anything else! Cheers, John.

Why sir, I believe you'll make me blush.

However, I have to admit that not being able to cook would have been close to a sacrilege given my ancestry, and therefor I am happy to report it was remedied to over the last few years. I am not as good as much of a Cordon Bleu as my Grandma is, but then again, Is till have afew years to practice.

[yungatart]

I was returning to new Plymouth from a party in Oakura, many years ago.I had decided since it was only about a 10 mile trip to my house I could wait for the loo.
It appears that our driver was somewhat stoned and pootling along quite happily at about 20 mph, but my bladder was protesting hugely, until I just had to go. Nothing for it but to climb over some cow cocky's fence and go in a paddock.
I was wearing jeans and as any lady can tell you, there is a real art form in squatting and peeing without wetting your feet or your clothes. Jeans and kniickers down below knees and carefully held out in front of me. Aaah, there is almost nothing so orgasmic as a pee long waited for......WTF, something has tickled my girly bits...midstream, with a force that would not be denied and something is tickling my girly bits!!
I tell you, I near shit myself (lucky my pants were down, I reckon). It seems that the little piece of paddock I had chosen to do my business in was actually occupied by a sleeping pheasant, which was so rudely awoken by a golden shower raining from above. The bloody thing took off, over the top of my jeans and knickers, tickling me with his tail feathers on the way through!!
Oh how my mates laughed and laughed.
I don't know who got the biggest fright, me or the damn bird, but I really do think twice about taking a quick pee anywhere but a recognised toilet these days.
Yes, I managed to wet my jeans and my feet too...nice!!!!

[martybabe]

I was returning to new Plymouth from a party in Oakura, many years ago.I had decided since it was only about a 10 mile trip to my house I could wait for the loo.
It appears that our driver was somewhat stoned and pootling along quite happily at about 20 mph, but my bladder was protesting hugely, until I just had to go. Nothing for it but to climb over some cow cocky's fence and go in a paddock.
I was wearing jeans and as any lady can tell you, there is a real art form in squatting and peeing without wetting your feet or your clothes. Jeans and kniickers down below knees and carefully held out in front of me. Aaah, there is almost nothing so orgasmic as a pee long waited for......WTF, something has tickled my girly bits...midstream, with a force that would not be denied and something is tickling my girly bits!!
I tell you, I near shit myself (lucky my pants were down, I reckon). It seems that the little piece of paddock I had chosen to do my business in was actually occupied by a sleeping pheasant, which was so rudely awoken by a golden shower raining from above. The bloody thing took off, over the top of my jeans and knickers, tickling me with his tail feathers on the way through!!
Oh how my mates laughed and laughed.
I don't know who got the biggest fright, me or the damn bird, but I really do think twice about taking a quick pee anywhere but a recognised toilet these days.
Yes, I managed to wet my jeans and my feet too...nice!!!!

Oh yes! Good girl, I do hope the farmer shot it soon after and took it home for tea. Just had a mental image of the faces. ere maw this pheasant tastes o piss. makes a noice change from they sheep wot taste of shit.

You go girl !.............. anywhere you want to.

[007XX]

I don't know who got the biggest fright, me or the damn bird, but I really do think twice about taking a quick pee anywhere but a recognised toilet these days.

these are available in NZ, and very useful:

http://shewee.com/

Oh, and bling sent...good story!

[thehovel]

Back in the late sixties Whenuapai was home to NZs Sky Hawks and just for a lark when we saw a couple ready to take-off we would jump the fence and sit on the end of the runway. The planes would pass about 50-100ft over our heads.No danger and quite a head rush the first time you did it.(a bit like sex really). 1969 I went to Australia and while mucking about I found a air force base just down the road. One day as me and several mates were driving past I noticed a couple of F1-11s at the end of the runway,it was just too good to miss.Only one of my mates would come with me (not enough time to convince the rest). Over the fence 200mts to the end of the concrete,park the bum down and then the jets start pre-flight rev-up and then it got a bit quiet. Sat there waiting. If you check out the strip at Whenuapai it is on a hill with the end over the crest. In Ossy there is a lot of flat land to build air-strips on. Then the F1-11s light up every thing,did a short strip take-off ,rotated vertical, and lit the after burners. Sky Hawks are scooters by comparison, we nearly got toasted and our ears rang for days and the blast blew us into the tarmac. Do you think the pilots saw us?????Didn't do that again!!!!!

[martybabe]

Back in the late sixties Whenuapai was home to NZs Sky Hawks and just for a lark when we saw a couple ready to take-off we would jump the fence and sit on the end of the runway. The planes would pass about 50-100ft over our heads.No danger and quite a head rush the first time you did it.(a bit like sex really). 1969 I went to Australia and while mucking about I found a air force base just down the road. One day as me and several mates were driving past I noticed a couple of F1-11s at the end of the runway,it was just too good to miss.:rockonrockon:Only one of my mates would come with me (not enough time to convince the rest). Over the fence 200mts to the end of the concrete,park the bum down and then the jets start pre-flight rev-up and then it got a bit quiet. Sat there waiting. If you check out the strip at Whenuapai it is on a hill with the end over the crest. In Ossy there is a lot of flat land to build air-strips on. Then the F1-11s light up every thing,did a short strip take-off ,rotated vertical, and lit the after burners. Sky Hawks are scooters by comparison, we nearly got toasted and our ears rang for days and the blast blew us into the tarmac. Do you think the pilots saw us?????Didn't do that again!!!!!

Been buzzed by a few low flyers over the years. sweet mother of baby jesus, the noise alone is enough to make me surrender, can you imagine if the bastards were shootin at ya. It.s a good sphincter test eh.

[Mom]

I dont like admitting to anything foolish things I have done, but here is one thing that I will admit to. Get a few wines in me though and who knows what laughs you could have at my expense!

Just before the shop closed I rushed down the road to buy heaven only knows what was so important. Our local 4square closed for winter at 7pm, I guess this was 10 to. I get out of the car and make a beeline for the back of the shop, through the side door from the carpark. Intent on my purchase I am looking deep into the store and fail to notice the door was closed! Yes, I smacked fair into the glass door, it felled me!

I sat outside the door, head in hands certain that my nose was now flat! Shit it hurt! The staff come up and open the closed door, I pick myself up and go in and buy what the hell it was I needed. The young fella at the checkout said, your nose is bleeding! No shit!!! Sherlock, it fucken hurts as well.....LOL

Get home, get laughed at, get on with it. The next day I had been out somewhere and came back to the office. On my desk was an obvious bottle of wine with a small parcel attached and a lovely card from the owner of the store apologising for the door being closed. Nice thinks me.

Get home and unwrap the present, only to discover that this cheeky prick has gone to the joke shop and bought me a pair of those Magoo black rimmed, milk bottle bottom looking fake glasses!

We stilll laugh about it now.

[martybabe]

I dont like admitting to anything foolish things I have done, but here is one thing that I will admit to. Get a few wines in me though and who knows what laughs you could have at my expense!

Just before the shop closed I rushed down the road to buy heaven only knows what was so important. Our local 4square closed for winter at 7pm, I guess this was 10 to. I get out of the car and make a beeline for the back of the shop, through the side door from the carpark. Intent on my purchase I am looking deep into the store and fail to notice the door was closed! Yes, I smacked fair into the glass door, it felled me!

I sat outside the door, head in hands certain that my nose was now flat! Shit it hurt! The staff come up and open the closed door, I pick myself up and go in and buy what the hell it was I needed. The young fella at the checkout said, your nose is bleeding! No shit!!! Sherlock, it fucken hurts as well.....LOL

Get home, get laughed at, get on with it. The next day I had been out somewhere and came back to the office. On my desk was an obvious bottle of wine with a small parcel attached and a lovely card from the owner of the store apologising for the door being closed. Nice thinks me.

Get home and unwrap the present, only to discover that this cheeky prick has gone to the joke shop and bought me a pair of those Magoo black rimmed, milk bottle bottom looking fake glasses!

We stilll laugh about it now.

Oh, fuggin ace. Thats a double blinger if I had the technology.

[Maha]

It was 1984 (i think) i was living in Tga at the time. We had finished work early and ended up at the Star Hotel in downtown Tga drinking with some painters. Sometime during the wee hours my boss thought it a good idea to head to Rotorua for a burger, so off we went, with a crate of piss. Taking the long home, we went through Fitzgerald Glade, and there were three Sheep walking in the middle of the road, two big ones and one little one. Boss tells me to get the little one, and we will take it home to his Wife. Didn't see the hassle in that, so he went passed them and i got out of the car, his idea was to herd them back to me and i grab the smallest one. He turns and drives back passed them and starts to herd them back towards me. Im standing in the middle of the Glade with a bottle of piss ready to snag a wooley feast. They were getting closer and my thoughts turned to OMG! how am i going to do this? The three sheep get passed me so i turn and run (who wouldn't?) but the little fuckers went into the trees alongside the road. My boss flys passed my in the 351 and stops about 200mts up the road. Then i hear a rather unholy noise and see huge bright lights, no, not a UFO but a Kenworth Logging truck, he aint stoppin'... i run like fuck towards the car but my Boss is yelling ''Go Bush ya crazy bastard''... so i dived to the left just as the Truck screams by Airhorns and all, couldn't find my beer or the feckin' sheep. Boss is laughing so hard by the time get to the car and tells me '' thats the funniest thing i have ever seen, you silhouetted by the lights of a Kenworth...looking back on it, not the brightest thing to do but i live to tell the story....

[martybabe]

It was 1984 (i think) i was living in Tga at the time. We had finished work early and ended up at the Star Hotel in downtown Tga drinking with some painters. Sometime during the wee hours my boss thought it a good idea to head to Rotorua for a burger, so off we went, with a crate of piss. Taking the long home, we went through Fitzgerald Glade, and there were three Sheep walking in the middle of the road, two big ones and one little one. Boss tells me to get the little one, and we will take it home to his Wife. Didn't see the hassle in that, so he went passed them and i got out of the car, his idea was to herd them back to me and i grab the smallest one. He turns and drives back passed them and starts to herd them back towards me. Im standing in the middle of the Glade with a bottle of piss ready to snag a wooley feast. They were getting closer and my thoughts turned to OMG! how am i going to do this? The three sheep get passed me so i turn and run (who wouldn't?) but the little fuckers went into the trees alongside the road. My boss flys passed my in the 351 and stops about 200mts up the road. Then i hear a rather unholy noise and see huge bright lights, no, not a UFO but a Kenworth Logging truck, he aint stoppin'... i run like fuck towards the car but my Boss is yelling ''Go Bush ya crazy bastard''... so i dived to the left just as the Truck screams by Airhorns and all, couldn't find my beer or the feckin' sheep. Boss is laughing so hard by the time get to the car and tells me '' thats the funniest thing i have ever seen, you silhouetted by the lights of a Kenworth...looking back on it, not the brightest thing to do but i live to tell the story....

And what a story, well done mate, (ewe) were lucky. sheep and piss dont mix .

[Mikkel]

Hmmm, just got to think about this:

I was a fairly curious, energetic and enthustiastic child - these days I'm sure there'd been a syndrome or label for it.
Around the tender age of 8 I was certain I had understood all the aspects of how to operate a motor vehicle and thus challenged my father to let me drive the car.
My father being a reasonable man expressed his doubts on the subject. But, what would a boring grown-up like him know about that - so I of course insisted until he finally budged and let me have a go at it.
So we get in the car, besides having trouble reaching the pedals everything seemed ok - until I turned the key without depressing the clutch, putting it in neutral or letting go of the hand brake... Epic fail!
It took about two years before my father relented and let me have another go at a remote beach. That however was a more succesful venture.

Oh, picking up shaving before you need to is not a good idea - especially not the aftershave bit.

Small tricycles do not operate well on stairs.

...and the list could go on.

[martybabe]

Small tricycles do not operate well on stairs.

yes mate and my list is embarisingly long too, At the time they all seemed like good ideas.We do infact learn by our mistakes,I doubt you'll be trycycling down the stairs any time soon eh.


Thank you all, it's been a right larf, see ya soon. Martybabe.

[NighthawkNZ:Me]

I responded to the (dumb things bikers do thread) and I wondered what is the dumbest/stupidest thing I've ever done. It's a big list but here's my winner.

Ummm not actually having a bike for a year for me was pretty dumb