ah took the high road up Ben Cliffhanger

[Lissa]

What?

Cor you are so hard to understand... might be a good thing, I can pretend I didnt hear you giving me shit on Saturday Night! Glad you enjoyed yourself Scotty.. (stevie to all others). Well done anyways.

[Mental Trousers]

Translated for those that don't know about find and replace.

With all them kiwi's rippin the piss out of me about no ridin for months I had no choice and went down to the wairarapa with my Italian beastie for a small burl up Ben Cliffhanger. I didn't know about the mental speeds I would be doing but cos of my hillbilly kiwi interweb I didn't see the youtube video until about two days before the event.

After bumpin into a small lady I know from Te Aroha at Hamilton Airport I caught the Air New Zealand Fokker biplane down to Wellywood. Man, it was gid to see the place from up there, all the hills an' all. When the propellers slowed down I wasn't sure if the plane had skids and was going to land on the water but sure enough we bumped down on a runway that was bumpetty enough to have been made by Fulton Hogan's finest gadges.

Mr "Drew" Mair was good enoughf to collect me from the airport and After dining on some of Wellywood's finest cuisine with his lovely lady Vicky "Flame" we sauntered over to his man old Craig's house whereupon we chewed the fat whilst I demonstrated my bike mechanical fixing skills. I was even introduced into the sect of the bogan (but for obvious reasons I cannot divulge all the secrets).

Saturday morn and Simon, Drew and myself sauntered roond to collect the lovely Helen's. for a trained chef the daftie couldn't make us a coffee but all was forgiven when I realised she'd be providing the stunt show on a bike about 10 times mair powerful than a small lady like her was used to. Upon arriving at the Ben Cliffhanger fashionably late, in what felt like a few seconds I was on my bike and out up the course. Man it was a fantastic, bright day and luckily so for the Ben was so high it might have dissapeared into the clouds. two commutes up the ben later and I decided I had maybe stop lookin at the scenery as I could only manage 3.06m. I pulled my socks up and with a small bit o' eggin on from Vicki managed a 2.45m. my italian beastie was having a bad day so I took it easy on the last jaunt.

Off to the campsite whereupon my sweaty paws were cooled down with a small dip in the local high heid yin's private burn. At least, it was his private burn until I dived in to join him. The local natives played their hillbilly music and I had a few rum's and I was fu and maybe haverin on a small bit. After the "scissor sisters" went in their tent, Helen's mannie Malcolm suggested I sleep in the traditional Kiwi "al fresco" style and indeed what a fantastic moon lit night saturday was.

Sunday, after washin my face in the morning dew, the local chieftan (what a top bloke even made us all breakfast in the morning). Porridge next time laddie! Up the course again an' bein a dunderheid I had forgotten the road and after lockin up my beastie into the cliffhanger and a long false neutral I could only do a a 2.46. with all the stones on the road I missed the 2nd run in order to put some mesh (thanks to father o' the blonde viking Jay Lawrence) on my air inlets. The 3rd run it was rainin at the bottom of the ben but us Scots ayewiz like it drookit so I took off with style. I rode like a man possessed with some spinnin and slidin and didn't back off on the fast bits. Unfortunately my beastie wasn't goin to good and I was fair disappointed to only manage 2.45. A small change of fuel leads and the 4th run was fast and smooth. my bike was still struggling to pull through 4th gear and 6th was only a dream so I could only do a 2.44. I decided my beastie wasn't in the mood to catch Flame's beastie so I put her back in her paddock. I'll maybe treat her to a power commander as she didn't cut out all weekend.

what a crackin weekend and a tribute to the Wellington tribe and their brethern Cliffhanger organisers. what better way to get back into riding?

• "chopper" Sloan - yer a fuckin radge gadge man and thanks to you and your missus for takin my bubba bike and all the $hite that goes with it down to wellywood.
• Simon "Limbtwin" - unicorn power is slowly but surely taking over my timorous beasties. maybe I'll get out my box brownie and show ye?
• "Number one" Sherie - Man, what a fantastic arse you have lassie. May I be as bold as to say it's fantasticer than Vickys?
• "Quasievil" - for taking me back and listening to all the piss mr coo Poos an myself were spoutin'
• Trudy "Mrs Kendog" - Truly the filthiest woman I have ever met since I was teaching in Essex. Yer Kendog trainer does a fine job. I didn't know if the
• "bertie basset" juice will come out.
• Drew & Vicky - what can I say? Taxi'd me around, put me up in their but n' ben and introduced me to the Wellywood crew.
• Cliffhanger Organisers - Genius event. In it's own way as enjoyable as racing but way more relaxed with the "turn up when you like" starting system.

Quasi spent over 5 hours travelling with you AND cowpoos?? He should get the Listened To Shit Medal Of Honour (1st Class) for that.

[limbimtimwim]

Quasi spent over 5 hours travelling with you AND cowpoos?? He should get the Listened To Shit Medal Of Honour (1st Class) for that.

I know! He must have nerves of steel!

Mind you, they both know he could give them a solid beating if they misbehaved too much.

[Deano]

I wish I had scrolled down to the kiwi translation instead of struggling through all that.

Great to have you there Scracha.

[slowpoke]

Aye, 'twas a bonny craic!

It was phunny as phuck listening to a certain Scottish gentleman hurling unintelligible abuse at a his fine but recalicitrant Italian steed at the top of the hill.

Loved the write up mate.

[koba]

Great write up.
Hopefully next time we meet with alcohol involved It will be when everyone equally keen on makin a bit of noise.

[Drew]

Great write up.
Hopefully next time we meet with alcohol involved It will be when everyone equally keen on makin a bit of noise.

Pffft, harden the fuck up! Oh hang on, you kinda did when giving a much larger dude his marching orders.

[Rob Taylor]

You right Deano.That was hard work just to find the english translation.Still it wouldnt be Stevo if we couldnt understand him.Well done Steve.Dont give up on that Ducati Just Yet.You can sort it and it will be great.Look forward to seeing you at the Vic Club meets.Cheers

[HDTboy]

Fuckin Scotch git. You're impossible to understand.

Let's get your Italian air compressor reliable, huh?

[boomer]

I need a babel fish.. fookin irish i dunno!!!

Did he fall orf? Did he win..??


Win or bin????? did he, did he.. did he....??


i bet $50 it broke down on the tight coont

[scracha]

Fuckin Scotch git. You're impossible to understand.

Let's get your Italian air compressor reliable, huh?

Reliable and Italian should never go in the same sentence. I'm humming and hawing about a power commander and some dyno time. Wanna get that wee CBR straightened out first for the VMCC.

[roadracingoldfart]

I have to admit to often skim reading ride reports but this one was such a challenge i think i read it as slow as my 6 year old reads and to totally understand it i had to read it another time.
Fuck me .... i look through the relpies and find the english version . What a bastard aye ?
Well done with the effort at the hill Steve. Come to the drags in Sept and ill show you how a CBR should go lol.