A Maori encounter.

**martybabe** · 21st April 2008, 21:31

I overtook a couple of cars full to the gunnels with Maori peeps,didn't think much of it,except how did so many people squeeze into such small cars, a bit further along I swung a righty down an empty road towards the coast for a ciggy stop.So there I am chillin on this road to nowhere when two cars come hooning up the gravel and screech to a halt.I'm thinking hello, all this space and they want to park on top of my bike,odd.

72 doors flung open and out jumped the all blacks first and second squad and some mates. The biggest ugliest gnarliest meanest looking one steams over towards me at a rate of knots and it dawns on me these were the motors I'd overtaken shortly before.As mister angry brick shithouse closes on me I'm thinking,dont like this a lot,obviously taken exception to me wafting past their rusty Toyota's. Come on brain says I,fight or flight,fight or flight? cast a glance at my helmet and keys absorbing some rays on a log about 50 metres away and realised buggering off quick as was not an option.

In a nanosecond I weighed up that I could twat this bastard pretty good before his mates pulled me apart limb from limb.I'm not a violent man but I could at least go to my grave with a small victory like a true viking,I'd done bugger all wrong and I wasn't going to meet my maker without cracking a nose or blacking an eye to say I'd been there.

Colossus the knob is within striking distance now and he throws out his hand sayin " Yo bro you the local iwi?". Ignorant pom speaks next " who you calling a fugging earwig smeghead!" 327 pairs of dark angry eyes turn in my direction, "sorry bro I'm from kakawhakaflapjack just wanting to meet up with the local boys,say hello, you local ?" Simultaneously I notice the thrust out arm was in shake hand mode, his manner was friendly and the sun was being blacked out by panting angry looking men mountains. OH..oh..oh!,yeah no nah I mean,live here you know,not long tho not erm native or anything..shaking dinner plate size hand furiously by now

. Saying... pom you know yes dont know much er stuff and that ,squeek,thinking... please dont kill me, Ive got a bathroom to fit tomorrow Mr giant. Ah it's all good,he said as he turned on his heels and headed back to the cars muttering some shit about bloody poms.

I watched em shoulder each other into the tiny tiny cars and pittyed the poor springs as the back ends hit the deck. As they drove off I thought, yeah,you wanna piece of me ya ugly fuggers and please dont stop.

have you ever weighed up a situation ever so slightly wrong?

p.s. Maori numbers exaggerated to justify slight bladder weakness.

**kevfromcoro** · 21st April 2008, 21:43

good read....
should of had a box of lion red with ya...
friends for life.

**oldrider** · 21st April 2008, 21:44

I think there is probably a lot of that, they always used to be friendly but the TV media seems to like to paint bad scenes all the time these days. :spudwhat: John.

**Headbanger** · 21st April 2008, 22:00

bloody poms.

**martybabe** · 21st April 2008, 22:10

Originally Posted by oldrider

I think there is probably a lot of that, they always used to be friendly but the TV media seems to like to paint bad scenes all the time these days. :spudwhat: John.

It wasn't who they were so much as what they were doing and how they were doing it. I'd got world war three playin in my head and the bloke only wanted to say hello. Still I expect he's well impressed with my social skills.

To you Gigantor

**McJim** · 21st April 2008, 22:18

Just coz 'ez brown don't mean 'ez fick.

I reckon he did it all on purpose and him and his mates were pissing themselves with laughter all the way up the road.

"Hey did you see the look on that white fella's face?"
"Yeah, I reckon 'e pissed his trousers"
"Funny bro' - nice"

Coming from a native population myself I can relate. We used to get like 2 (sometimes even 3!!) Glaswegians together and go and intimidate a coachload of English football supporters. Really funny to see them cower.

**Trudes** · 21st April 2008, 22:22

Originally Posted by McJim

Coming from a native population myself I can relate. We used to get like 2 (sometimes even 3!!) Glaswegians together and go and intimidate a coachload of English football supporters. Really funny to see them cower.

Yeah I'd say most Poms would be scared of two or three guys in skirts.

**martybabe** · 21st April 2008, 22:38

Originally Posted by McJim

Just coz 'ez brown don't mean 'ez fick.

I reckon he did it all on purpose and him and his mates were pissing themselves with laughter all the way up the road.

"Hey did you see the look on that white fella's face?"
"Yeah, I reckon 'e pissed his trousers"
"Funny bro' - nice"
:ROFL:
Coming from a native population myself I can relate. We used to get like 2 (sometimes even 3!!) Glaswegians together and go and intimidate a coachload of English football supporters. Really funny to see them cower.

Ouch.

Yeah I remember the girl guide footy tour of Strathclyde as well, ya shook them girls up alright.

It woulda took four of ya to intimidate a coach load of sassanachs after they'd had a few shandy's.

So nobodys gonna fess up to judging a situation a li'll bit wrong eh?

**avgas** · 21st April 2008, 22:49

I used to be the little white boy who collected glasses at the local kumara pit (talisman tavern). Bar lady was a nice big lass and she said i was a little psyco who had a knife and if they caused any shit with me to watch out cost i might just cut their nuts off. It was funny much more nicer they were to me after that. I was still scared shitless, but it seemed so were they so it seemed to work out.
Never seen so many 750 Wai's and Reds leave a fridge as i have on a good night at the pit. Different world aye.

**martybabe** · 21st April 2008, 23:05

Originally Posted by avgas

I used to be the little white boy who collected glasses at the local kumara pit (talisman tavern). Bar lady was a nice big lass and she said i was a little psyco who had a knife and if they caused any shit with me to watch out cost i might just cut their nuts off. It was funny much more nicer they were to me after that. I was still scared shitless, but it seemed so were they so it seemed to work out.
Never seen so many 750 Wai's and Reds leave a fridge as i have on a good night at the pit. Different world aye.

Legend. Do ya remember li'll old whitey phsyco boy,used to work at the pit? yea ya do,he'd cut ya nuts off if you didn't drink fast enough.Nutless george told me.

Brilliant mate.

**FkNAmerican** · 21st April 2008, 23:22

I never ounce had a problem with the Maori the entire time I was in NZ. In fact I found them to be quite nice overall. Funny enough but the only time I had a scuffle was with a fellow American who was being a complete shit for brains after a Crusaders game. Didint even know he was from the 'States till it was too late.....course it wouldnt have changed anything really.....an asshole is an asshole regardless. I remmember afterwards thinking "4 million people or so in this country, its about as far away from where I live as possible, and who is the first person to give me shit......a fuckin American.........jesus fuckin christ". Had a good laugh on that one.

**tri boy** · 22nd April 2008, 08:39

A couple of experiences spring to mind.
Two large gents "eyed" the black Daytona outside a Gizzy take away.
They entered said take away, and stood over the skinny white guy who was sitting down, chomping into a steak burger.
(ever wondered what a Bison would look like to an ant)?
Turn out to be top blokes just wanting to ask a few Q's about the bike. (even told me to avoid Wairoa that evening as an "issue" was brewing.

Fast forward to Te Kaha. Rode into town about 3ishpm. Headed for the pub to book accom, and shoot pool, and have an ale or two. By 7pm, what seemed like the whole of Te Kaha was sizing up the white boy for a pillage.
Ended up being a "highly" sociable session until the small hours of the next morning.

Hard to judge a book by its cover.

Ones attitude and body language can speak volumes to locals. If your acting like an arrogant, red neck dickhead, then your probably in deep shit. When in Rome, do as etc etc ............

**Finn** · 22nd April 2008, 08:46

I had a similar incident a couple of years back. A couple of bro's turned up at the office saying they were here to fix the air conditioning and took off with several laptops.

**007XX** · 22nd April 2008, 09:08

Bahahahaha...Marty, you big goof!

Nice write up sir, I was there with you (so to speak).

A couple of my very best mates are the maori brick shit house like sort, but are the best gentle giants. However, they can look rather serious I agree.

At the Motor Show in Hamilton this past weekend, a few gang riders came along on the stand I worked on for KTL Motorcycles....great big stand, with lots of Harleys and other brands of bikes.
These guys were staunchly walking around, very stern looks on their faces...so I just walked up to them with a big smile on my face and chatted them up like I do (being my usual sales rep charmer). Well, they just seemed to crumble right in front of my eyes...absolutely lovely guys, a couple almost stuttering as this skinny blond would talk to them about Fatbob and Night Trains...

I think that half of the time, they are bored of being feared and the fearsome look is more a habit than a true character trait. Still, I wouldn't like to be on the wrong side of them...