Adultery's not so bad after all...

[Edbear]

Isn't that at odds with the "till death do us part" bit?
That was one of those real simple commitments you refer to too you know.

Why make such a commitment when you are so ready to walk away from it ? What was the whole point of the commitment to begin with ? It seems there were unstated conditions ?

Why do you think you can get what you want or you will impose some violent consequence ? (your threatened leaving - internalised violence - google)

The reality is more like, if you feel unhappy you should examine why and quit blaming and projecting it onto others.

Why the fuck and I typing this shit ?DB

There's a period called, "After the Honeymoon Is Over". One thinks, "What happened to the girl/guy I married?"

Things are different, work, bills, dealing with in-laws/family, getting used to living together, learning to communicate, (the lifeblood of a relationship). Coping with one's own anxieties/fears/abilities, etc. My experience, and KB is a prime example, shows that very often, what we hear people say is different from what they meant. There was a post some time ago which went something like this... "If something I said could be taken two ways, and one of those ways upset you, I meant the other way, okay?" Our own experiences, and insecurities, our suspicions, influence the way we "hear" what others say to us. Too often we read into something what is not actually there. We take advice and constructive criticsm as being a put-down, or as saying we are bad, stupid or inferior, when it may have been meant in love. At times the words may not come out right due to nervousness or a simple lack of education in English...

In a marriage, this can poison the atmosphere leading to a "tit for tat" situation, where the relationship becomes a reactionary one, each "reacting" to the other without trying to understand the other and what is behind the words. One loses sight of and forgets the qualities that attracted one to the other in the beginning. One forgets to love the other.

We all come with baggage, very few of us had an ideal upbringing and life, and it takes a long time to face and address those issues that we bring to the marriage.

[Kittyhawk]

ALL relationships have an expiary date.

Most cannot cope with guilt and the truth, like that new programe on tv 2 "moment of truth" its interesting to see how far some will go as money speaks volumes.

The guilt gets the better, and then the truth spills out like a time bomb with the effects affecting people in different ways.

But as for this, there are other ways to spice up things in a relationship. If there are two yesses great do it, if there is a yes and no dont. What is the point in being in a marriage when you sign your life away to someone else to own/control you? If its a relationship, then no one owns anyone so you technicially are a free agent, but marriage its different.

[007XX]

ALL relationships have an expiary date.

.

How can you be so categorical about this?

[Clockwork]

When you get married or make a commitment, its a real simple thing.
If (assuming you're not a low life scumbag without the least shred of common decency), when you're unhappy, you tell the other person whats happening, why you're unhappy, and what you'd like to change.
If they are willing to come to the party, fine and dandy.
If not, shake their hand, thank them for the good times, and leave.

Dont just let them believe alls well when you're out cheating it up

Wow, if only my life was so black and white, I see no other way but to get personal.

I love my wife dearly, she is without doubt my soul mate and I will happily grow old wth her. But, in common with others it would seem, the physical side of our relationship has all but come to a standstill. It may well be because I'm crap at it (not enough practice is my excuse) but it has been this way for several years now and I've tried everything I can think of to kick
start things. My wife acknowledges there is a problem however working with me to resolve it doesn't seem to be too high on her list of priorities. While she is willing to engage in the act her heart (pun not intended) really isn't in it and I find no pleasure to be had from such a one sided act, I'd sooner w*nk!

The trouble is I'm not ready to let it wither up and drop off yet and auto-erotica is starting to become a poor substitue. I'm not willing to throw the baby out with the bath water and sex just shouldn't be that important!

I've not strayed yet and God know's that I would never go on the hunt but in the quiet moments such thoughts do cross my mind. I'm starting to see now why some wealthy men have Mistresses and King's would have concubines.

[Mikkel]

How can you be so categorical about this?

Not to be dark about it - but death is the only thing which is certain in this existence. Unless you believe in an afterlife I guess it would be quite easy to be categorical about it.

Besides there seems to be plenty of other categorical statements made in this thread...

[Skyryder]

My only comments is that the Moral High Ground is a dangerouse place to be; it has a bad habit of sliding from underneath you...............usually at the most in-oppertune time.

Skyryder

[imdying]

ALL relationships have an expiary date.

What a crock of shite.

[007XX]

Not to be dark about it - but death is the only thing which is certain in this existence. Unless you believe in an afterlife I guess it would be quite easy to be categorical about it.

Besides there seems to be plenty of other categorical statements made in this thread...

Hmmm...cute!

But I was in this instance challenging Kitty based on the fact I know her to have a dark tendency to seeing a lot of things in the negative light.

Keeping the esoteric debate out of the equation, anyone who has been privileged enough to meet elderlie couples after many, many years of marriage (and yes, I have met more than one), will know that not ALL relationships / marriages have an expiry date.

That cynical viewpoint is not an acceptable argument in my neck of the woods, sorry Kitty. You still have a lifetime ahead of you to be proven wrong.

[Edbear]

Wow, if only my life was so black and white, I see no other way but to get personal.

I love my wife dearly, she is without doubt my soul mate and I will happily grow old wth her. But, in common with others it would seem, the physical side of our relationship has all but come to a standstill. It may well be because I'm crap at it (not enough practice is my excuse) but it has been this way for several years now and I've tried everything I can think of to kick
start things. My wife acknowledges there is a problem however working with me to resolve it doesn't seem to be too high on her list of priorities. While she is willing to engage in the act her heart (pun not intended) really isn't in it and I find no pleasure to be had from such a one sided act, I'd sooner w*nk!

The trouble is I'm not ready to let it wither up and drop off yet and auto-erotica is starting to become a poor substitue. I'm not willing to throw the baby out with the bath water and sex just shouldn't be that important!

I've not strayed yet and God know's that I would never go on the hunt but in the quiet moments such thoughts do cross my mind. I'm starting to see now why some wealthy men have Mistresses and King's would have concubines.

Appreciate your candor, here, Clockwork. At times we went through similar periods. I found that sex isn't the problem, truth be told we're all probably "crap" at it, but that's part of the fun.

Disinterest in sex is rather a symptom of a problem. Try studying your wife, listening very carefully to what she says, and pick up clues as to what's on her mind. Women are more complicated than men, and while I, too, get a kick out of giving my wife pleasure, and don't enjoy it if she's not, she's very affectionate when she's feeling happy and unstressed.

Women are the whole package, and if you are attentive to her concerns, spend time with her, just hanging out and talking about things, let her know you're interested and care about her life, being helpful, kind and considerate, - and paitent - you may find she will respond.

Of course I don't know your personal situation, so can only speak generally. I may be completely wrong.

[Big Dave]

Keeping the esoteric debate out of the equation, anyone who has been privileged enough to meet elderlie couples after many, many years of marriage (and yes, I have met more than one), will know that not ALL relationships / marriages have an expiry date.

.

As Long As Your Eyes Are Blue

Wilt thou love me, sweet, when my hair is grey
And my cheeks shall have lost their hue?
When the charms of youth shall have passed away,
Will your love as of old prove true?

For the looks may change, and the heart may range,
And the love be no longer fond;
Wilt thou love with truth in the years of youth
And away to the years beyond?

Oh, I love you, sweet, for your locks of brown
And the blush on your cheek that lies --
But I love you most for the kindly heart
That I see in your sweet blue eyes.

For the eyes are signs of the soul within,
Of the heart that is leal and true,
And mine own sweetheart, I shall love you still,
Just as long as your eyes are blue.

For the locks may bleach, and the cheeks of peach
May be reft of their golden hue;
But mine own sweetheart, I shall love you still,
Just as long as your eyes are blue.

A B Patterson.
1891.

[imdying]

anyone who has been privileged enough to meet elderlie couples after many, many years of marriage (and yes, I have met more than one), will know that not ALL relationships / marriages have an expiry date.

What the lady with the tidy avatar said

/edit: Dave, The Beatles said it good too

[Edbear]

As Long As Your Eyes Are Blue

Wilt thou love me, sweet, when my hair is grey
And my cheeks shall have lost their hue?
When the charms of youth shall have passed away,
Will your love as of old prove true?

For the looks may change, and the heart may range,
And the love be no longer fond;
Wilt thou love with truth in the years of youth
And away to the years beyond?

Oh, I love you, sweet, for your locks of brown
And the blush on your cheek that lies --
But I love you most for the kindly heart
That I see in your sweet blue eyes.

For the eyes are signs of the soul within,
Of the heart that is leal and true,
And mine own sweetheart, I shall love you still,
Just as long as your eyes are blue.

For the locks may bleach, and the cheeks of peach
May be reft of their golden hue;
But mine own sweetheart, I shall love you still,
Just as long as your eyes are blue.

A B Patterson.
1891.

So coloured contacts are out, then..?

[007XX]

As Long As Your Eyes Are Blue

Thank you Dave, that is most beautiful. Funnily enough, I was looking for a poem to read to my husband for our 10th anniversary, which you just so very conveniently provided me with.

[007XX]

So coloured contacts are out, then..?

General shelf life of coloured lenses...about a month. So yeah, they're out!

[Edbear]

Thank you Dave, that is most beautiful. Funnily enough, I was looking for a poem to read to my husband for our 10th anniversary, which you just so very conveniently provided me with.

Just check his eyes are blue, first.... Might save a misunderstanding...