Sex - or no sex?

[jrandom]

There is rooting and then there is making love. Sometimes I root my love but I would never 'make love' to a stranger.

+1.

Surprised?

I think a lot of guys feel social pressure to pretend to a fairly animalistic approach to sex.

[Grahameeboy]

Not tonight Josephine....

Something to ponder - How difficult would it be do you think, to be in a close and otherwise loving relationship where the male was not even remotely interested in sex? We hear a lot from men about their frustration levels experienced when their partners for whatever reason decline to participate in or generally show a complete disinterest in sex, but we (or I) rarely hear of the reverse. Or do we?

I was guilty of watching an episode or two of Shortland Street that other day where one of the characters claimed to be 'asexual' the definition of which (as given by the ever informative Wikipedia site) describes asexual individuals as those 'who do not experience sexual attraction' as opposed to celibacy where one selectively 'chooses' not to be sexually active.

If you were a circumspect and moral person and did not wish to engage in pre-marital sex (yes I can see where you would get the idea that my thinking is old fashioned and therefore irrelevant in this day and age - but to carry the thought through), became engaged and married to a chap without realising that he wasn't just being celibate and / or respecting your wishes, morals, standards - how would you feel? Understanding? Sympathetic? Angry? Frustrated to all hell? Gypped? Murderous?

If it was the latter options, what would you do about it? Given that you married the chap because presumably you loved and cared about him - would you forego the sex - accept the situation and take the matter 'in hand'? Would you stay and have affairs? (and if you did would you be circumspect about it)? Would you read up everything you could about the subject and perhaps push for an element of counselling to try and resolve the situation? Or would you leave because a sexually barren life was not what you signed up for?

Just how important is the sexual aspect of a relationship to you as a woman? There are obviously cases where because of illness and or accidents where sex is not an option but this question is outside of that kind of scenario, as is the option of knowing beforehand and marrying anyway (awareness implies acceptance).

Personally I have enjoyed a sex free relationship....much prefer it and ended my last relationship because she wanted too much sex..not saying it was not nice but at same time did not did it for me....

But hey that is just me

[jrandom]

How difficult would it be do you think, to be in a close and otherwise loving relationship where the male was not even remotely interested in sex?

You'd have to be pretty stupid to marry someone with a significant difference in sexual interest level.

Of course, people's health and circumstances change over the years, but that's just life, isn't it, and not what we're talking about here.

If you were a circumspect and moral person and did not wish to engage in pre-marital sex (yes I can see where you would get the idea that my thinking is old fashioned and therefore irrelevant in this day and age - but to carry the thought through), became engaged and married to a chap without realising that he wasn't just being celibate and / or respecting your wishes, morals, standards - how would you feel? Understanding? Sympathetic? Angry? Frustrated to all hell? Gypped? Murderous?

Presumably all of the above.

Still, if you get fuckin' married without figuring his nature out first, it's gotta be said - you're a prize idiot, and probably would have buggered your life up one way or the other anyway.

[AllanB]

I got a boner just reading about all this potential sex.

[duckonin]

Oh no - you got me wrong.

It's not NOT be able to do any of that 'jiggy jiggy' stuff.

It's just that more than two or three times a night takes some doing - and gets 'harder' as time goes by.

Harden up man, do some excercises....

[Her_C4]

Surprised?

I said 'interesting' not surprised. It takes a lot to surprise me these days ...

Personally I have enjoyed a sex free relationship....

Appreciate your honesty - as someone else said, society demands that a lot of pressure is placed on men to 'perform' and / or express themselves in various ways - it is good to see and hear those outside of that norm.

You'd have to be pretty stupid to marry someone with a significant difference in sexual interest level.
................ Still, if you get fuckin' married without figuring his nature out first, it's gotta be said - you're a prize idiot, and probably would have buggered your life up one way or the other anyway.

Yep couldn't agree with you more, as pointed out earlier in this thread by Mom - even if you didn't 'try before you buy' you still would have talked about it and gleaned some understanding of each others appetite - I just took the thought one step further with the 'what if' scenario.... chances of that (getting married without knowing) happening these days has got to be pretty remote

I got a boner just reading about all this potential sex.

Nice don't waste it now

Harden up man, do some excercises....

ha ha ha - 97; 98; 99 - change hands

[jrandom]

Personally I have enjoyed a sex free relationship...

I enjoy sex-free relationships, too. Some of my best friends are girls.

But I must note that I wouldn't enjoy such relationships if I wasn't getting plenty at home.

ended my last relationship because she wanted too much sex...

I bet.

Men and women who can never talk about or think of anything but shagging are just as boring and annoying as each other. It's not just one or the other gender that's subject to such personality flaws.

[jrandom]

chances of that (getting married without knowing) happening these days has got to be pretty remote

I reckon.

Anyway, a legal divorce only requires two years of living apart followed by a $175 fee and a visit to the Family Court. If a marriage quickly turns out to be that fundamentally fucked up, I'd say that simply chucking it in would be a sad but wise step to take.

IMHO, one spouse completely failing, without good reason, to fulfill the other's sexual needs constitutes a breaking of the promises made and a valid reason for separation.

[Her_C4]

.... IMHO, one spouse completely failing, without good reason, to fulfill the other's sexual needs constitutes a breaking of the promises made and a valid reason for separation.

Yep deception as mentioned elsewhere is not an option...

I would expect that prior to making a lifetime commitment to him the subject of children/sex/beliefs/interests would have been discussed, and some common ground established and agreements made. Unlikely I would agree to a sexless marriage, therefore if I did not know I was marrying a bloke that had no interest in sex, he lied to me by ommission I would be very angry and the relationship would be over in a flash.

[Grahameeboy]

I


I bet.

Men and women who can never talk about or think of anything but shagging are just as boring and annoying as each other. It's not just one or the other gender that's subject to such personality flaws.

True....I was wrestling the Christian issue anyway but decided I had a lot on my plate so decided I should live a little but at same time felt it was too much....

[SixPackBack]

True....I was wrestling the Christian issue anyway but decided I had a lot on my plate so decided I should live a little but at same time felt it was too much....

DUDE what the hell????
What beats being up to your nuts in guts?

[Grahameeboy]

DUDE what the hell????
What beats being up to your nuts in guts?

Nothing, it was great sex but at the end of the day I did not feel happy about it so made the decision.....I am worth more than that....

[alanzs]

This is your life. It isn't a dress rehearsal for something else. Enjoy everyday to the fullest for it may be your last. How do you want to live it?

[alanzs]

IMHO, one spouse completely failing, without good reason, to fulfill the other's sexual needs constitutes a breaking of the promises made and a valid reason for separation.

Hallelujah brother!

[Grahameeboy]

This is your life. It isn't a dress rehearsal for something else. Enjoy everyday to the fullest for it may be your last. How do you want to live it?

And if it is to be my last I sure ain't going to be thinking of sex.....not wasting my breath on something unfullfilling....