With my all-new camping bus, complete with two bikes, I arrived at Taupo during the mayhem of the round-the-lake, bicycle race. Got through the traffic, finally. Arrive at track. Jackie is there.
"Gidday. Any chance I could park my van over there and hunker down for the night?"
"No worries," says she. Fine young woman is Jackie.
Find the right spot. Unload everything, inc bikes. Set up the flash rear-end tent.
By 1600Hrs I'm a happy camper. Chilled out. Read a book, drank some cold beer, then progressed to a glass of red wine. 2000hrs arrives. I'm feeling a bit peckish. The sun is edging toward lighting up South America. I discover I forgot the torch. Not to worry.
As darkness fall I set up the flash new barbie and light. A while passes.
'Eh? Seems to be taking a long time to heat. Oh well, that's what you get when you buy cheap.'
Manfully, I persisted. Stuck on the spare-ribs and waited...and waited...and waited. An hour and a half later the ribs were luke warm with a slightly dried look on the outside. I was, by then starving and a little pissed (in both senses of the word).
So I decided I would eat the blood-dripping meats, do the race-day then go back to Auckland and strangle the prick at the barbeque factory for selling me a piece of junk.
On the trip home my anger had almost gone and I started thinking the Barbie was exactly right in size and utility. All I needed was to get some heat from it. And so I resolved...Instead of killing the BBQ Factory dude, I'd simply drill out the gas holes for more fire.
Monday night. At home. Bring barbie, drill and drills to the workbench. But thought I might just test it out first, just to make sure I hadn't done something wrong.
Which dumb-fuck ever designed a tap which, when half on is full on, and when full on is nearly off!????
When I turn on a tap I expect the flow of whatever is coming out of the tap to increase as I turn it further. Stands to reason, doesn't it? But oh no, not with BBQ taps. Half on is full on. Full on is warm-mode.
And so, on account of I have never owned a gas BBQ in past, and didn't know this 'common' arrangement, I sat for over an hour, expecting to soon die of starvation, then ate virtually raw meat, and didn't know to simply turn the fucking tap back a half and have fabulously BBQed ribs.
Dick-head I am. Grrrrrr.
Having discovered this little trick, I BBQed ribs last night and, tonight, just by way of experiment, I bought a clutch of mussels and a bag of charcoal. Chucked a few bits of charcoal near the burner (now on full cos I learned about that) then tossed on the mussels, closed the lid, waited ten minutes and had sublimely charcoal-fired mussels as an entree/treat.
By jesus but next Saturday I'll be BBQing properly at Taupo.
So, now I've learned to work my barbie, all I need to do now is learn how to properly ride my bike, and I'll be happier.
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Originally Posted by dpex
... I love the mental image I'm currently painting... we even have an emoticon that gets close: 
and sinfull read the right page 
LOL
..
.."What's with all the lights"..officer..
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