Parenting a changeling

[MSTRS:Me]

Now that your daughter has had a taste of 'real discipline', perhaps she will view your expectations much more reasonably. Perhaps you need to sit down with her and write out all the stuff that brought her to this point. And keep it somewhere safe...remember that teenagers have very short memories.

[avgas]

haha welcome to the reason why my wife wants a son...

[Blue Babe]

haha welcome to the reason why my wife wants a son...

Son's can be just as hard work but in a diff way.... Look at mine, He's making me a grandmother in January & isn't quite 19yrs old yet. Got loans blah blah blah left right & centre.
You take what you get & deal with it cause you Love them

[Blue Babe]

Now that your daughter has had a taste of 'real discipline', perhaps she will view your expectations much more reasonably. Perhaps you need to sit down with her and write out all the stuff that brought her to this point. And keep it somewhere safe...remember that teenagers have very short memories.

In some respects I'm probably stricter with "Z" than where she has been, but I do know what teenagers are like & you do need to let them get on with it.
We've done the writing, the talking etc, I do think they Have both finally worked out my nagging isn't for nagging sake, but that I do care what happens with them, especially my son...

[Blue Babe]

To many pages to read through all of that, so I apologise if this has already been said.

Money is power and for a teenager money is everything.

Cut the pocket money and stop paying the cell phone bill, she will feel that pinch. Get her out working, small part time job to earn her own money. If she wants to be treated like an adult then maybe she should take some responsability and get out there and act like one. I had a job at 14 and have paid for all my non-essential stuff since.

Nothing like earning the respect you deserve.

The thing for you BB is not to feel like your being to harsh or unreasonable, we all know as weel as you do that what you are asking of her is neither. Media and impressionism from mostly american sources has alomst made kids uncontrollable, add to that government taking away the right to disipline them and we as parents are fighting a losing battle. You are not being unreasonable, hold your ground and stick to your guns. She may hate you for it now but will love you for it later.

You should read the thread, cause there has been alot happened.
I have never given either of my kids pocket money as they have both had jobs since they were 11yrs old. I've never paid their cell phones either. Don't know bout their father. If they've needed help I will if I can, but 9/10 I can't & both of them know where I am financially, infact "Z" often helps me out.
"Z" , Unfortunately, is a porn where her father is concerned. He just wants to hurt me & only way he can is through her.

[mstriumph]

........... She may hate you for it now but will love you for it later.

or not, as the case may be

but irrespective, you have a job to do as a parent and you are not permitted to 'give in' on it for fear of losing her affection

sad, isn't it
being a parent is hard.

[Winston001]

You should read the thread, cause there has been alot happened.

"Z" , Unfortunately, is a pawn where her father is concerned. He just wants to hurt me & only way he can is through her.

Forgive me, great thread, just corrected an unfortunate spelling.

[Blue Babe]

Forgive me, great thread, just corrected an unfortunate spelling.

You are sooo right there...

[Blue Babe]

Just a Quick update on "Z". She has settled back here really well. She has been down to Auckland to stay with her friends a couple of times, which means she's been able to see her boyfriend. Considering everything that has happened to her, we believe she did absolutely brilliantly in her exams. At the moment school holidays she is working hard in her job. Paying off some debts, running her car & will have managed 2 10day holidays with her mates.
I hope that 2009 will be a better year for her & that she will be doing her sport etc again.

[fire eyes]

ohh feel for ya BB .. I was a total bitch to my mother at 15.

I moved out of home just before my 16th.

Reality was there was anything Mum could have done to make things better for me.

Hormones, boys, peer pressure, parents, siblings lol everything was overwealming.

I say stick to your boundaries whatever they maybe and don't pamper her to much. If she slams her bedroom door, take the door off the hinges, can't shut it properly? then dont let her have one, If she won't help tidy up, stick the household rubbish in her room, if she humiliates you in public .. start singing really loud and off key .. NOTHING embarrasses a teen more than a parent drawing unwanted attention LOL ..

One thing Mum did was .. sometimes we would be lucky enough to get a ride to school .. yup those days you actually walked lol anyway we used to tell Mum to drop us off down the road from the school, she had a ford capri back then and we thought it wasnt cool enough to be seen .. so she got sick of our attitudes drove up through the school gates into a courtyard area in front of what seemed like the entire senior highschoolers and told us to get out .. we got out. Backs the car out smiling and beeping her horn all the way down the road while we stand there looking like the biggest dicks on the planet.

Amen to parenthood.



Good Luck BB! ohh and don't forget your time out to pamper yourself as well

[Slyer]

Hooray for parenting!
I've got my a large amount of ideas for training my little ones some day.
One of my favourites is being easy on them but very hard.
As in I don't ask for much but if I want it done IT GETS DONE.
Also, no amount of complaining will ever get me to change my mind, though I will accept formal debates as to why I should change my mind and also bribing/bargaining.

Rules that are made will be explained in full as to why they are required, if they cannot be backed up or reasoned for they will be removed and the kids shall win.

If two kids are fighting over the TV and what to watch, the TV goes off.
No warning, no nagging, it just goes off. They can watch it again tomorrow but if I see it again it goes off. They will have to learn to cooperate or they go without.

Read to your children! I'm so glad my Dad did, we had these whole set of kids encyclopedias I used to read. I think it does wonders for a child's intelligence.
(Smart kids are usually fairly obedient, I know I was)

These are my ideas anyway.

[Blue Babe]

Hooray for parenting!

Also, no amount of complaining will ever get me to change my mind, though I will accept formal debates as to why I should change my mind and also bribing/bargaining.

These are my ideas anyway.

Be very careful with bribary & children, It can come back in some years time & bite you on your arse, but in the meant time it works really well.
If you make a promise to your kids, make sure You keep it, they don't forget. I know I watched my ex mother in law & my ex Husband make my kids promises & then blatantly break them. They Have never forgotten,to this day I Have Had to pick up the pieces every time & still do today.

[slofox]

The great thing about grandchildren - "all care and no responsibility"...

[discotex]

If there's one thing watching "The Dog Whisperer" has taught me it's that puppy's need exercise, discipline (not military style or physical) and affection - in that order.

Oh wait, we're talking about kids eh?

[Slyer]

Be very careful with bribary & children, It can come back in some years time & bite you on your arse, but in the meant time it works really well.
If you make a promise to your kids, make sure You keep it, they don't forget. I know I watched my ex mother in law & my ex Husband make my kids promises & then blatantly break them. They Have never forgotten,to this day I Have Had to pick up the pieces every time & still do today.

Nonono, you see THEY have to bribe ME if they want stuff.
And yep, always keep your promises and always follow through with your warnings.