Oh dear,
Was with my mate in his car at the local park, we look at each other and say fuck, this is boring. He, known as Pete, comes up with the stupid dumbarse idea of driving to the Cape overnight. Now, this sounded like a great idea, but to come up with this idea at 8pm was insanely stupid. So we drive back to my place, and pick up the supplies for the journey that we desperately needed, the supplies consisting of none other than a bag of potatoe chips.
So we embark on our epic journey, taking the very deeply planned route called State Highway One. The trip was going great, very great I must say. Only problem, is it was what some know as a 'cock fest' - figure it out yourself. Not ten minuites pass by, and Pete shits a golden egg out his ass, pointing at a charming hitchhiker-ess on the side of the road, excellent. We pull over and I put the window down, she walks over to the window.
"Where you wanna go?" I ask, not entirely comprehending the way she was dressed, a mini skirt with fishnet stockings, and yes, a top. Turns out she was a prostitute in her mid thirties, amazing how young they look when they're all the way up the road with their thumb up in the air. After realising what she was, I had never heard Pete's engine race so much, who knows what diseases they carry these days... Trypophobia, A fear of holes... Shingles... or worse, they might not eat meat (indecent penis reference).
We carry on, fueling up in Whangarei, gambling that we could make it all the way to the cape then back to Kaitaia. All proceed as normal, taking the main route through all the twisties before kaitaia, and here I am in the car, amazed at how wicked these corners are, and ashamed that I was in a car and not on the bike. We arrive in kaitaia and take a break, choking at how far we have come, by this time it was around 2am. We get back in the car after having a perv at his amazingly sexy Ford Telstar and head for the Cape.
About 50km from the Cape, I hear a short moan followed by various child friendly words. Pete breaks it to me that he didn't fill up the car, he put in thirty bucks, thinking we'd get gas near the cape. So here we are, no map book, no girls, no alcohol, no brains, stuck in the middle of nowhere almost out of gas. We carry on toward the cape, then suddenly, out shits out another golden egg, a fuel station in a small town called Waitiki. This golden egg must've been pretty darn rotten, because we were shit outta luck, they were closed, and to top off the frustration, they didn't stock gas, at their gas station. A lovely note is left on the door, "No gas further north until you reach Australia", just what we needed. Knowing that we wouldn't make it to the cape with the gas that we had left, we decided to drive all the way back down the road until we bump into another gas station. Houhora, about 50km down the road. Sleep time.
We wake up to a person we now know as the RFWACL (Pronounced: Riffwuckil), short for "Really F*cking Weird And Crazy Lady". We were under the impression that she had just been inhaling the 91 Octane gas tanks as she mumbles a few words along the lines of "Gas cheap buy you", after many milliseconds we nod our heads and fill the tank.
Back up the road we go, passing the dead fuel station that only sells to misfortunate asian tourists, that have yet to understand that a packet of wine gums do not cost four bucks ninety nine. We hit the gravel road, and after a few near misses we finally make it to the cape. We inhale the fresh smell of shit as we walk past the toilets and head down to the lighthouse. Upon reaching the most photo worthy street sign in the country, I release gold, golden coloured liquid that is, not realising that if you piss into the wind, it'll blow back.
After ten or so minuites at the lighthouse, we head back. Nearly a thousand kilometres later, I am glad I am home.
Next time I'm taking my bike.
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Originally Posted by CB ARGH
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