Drunken friend.

**Laava** · 4th April 2009, 12:10

After dropping my hungover love at her car this morning I went into town to buy electrical goodies at a wholesaler. There was a young girl there by herself [17 odd] sole charge, and my drunken friend. This is a guy I was good friends with when he was my mates partner and he was dry then, just.[He's an alchy] This morning he was covered in scrapes and had his right arm in a sling. I asked him what he had been up to and he told me he had been fitting a lot lately[epilepsy] and the cops had taken his keys off him after he fitted in the fish and chip shop[There IS more than 1 in Whangas!] He wanted me to help him get his keys back from the cops [nextdoor]so he could get his car home. He started pleading and then reduced himself to tears. I told him I'd help him after I had bought my stuff, so he carried on explaining the situation and tripped himself up by telling me he was not sober, which I had kind of guessed. So then I told him that he should wait till he was sober[9hrs apparently!] and he started bullshitting on about having to get the keys back as it was his friends car etc and he had no intention of driving it etc. Sober he is a good guy and I never fell out with him so I offered him a ride home instead which he begrudgingly accepted so off we went but I could tell he was pissed off with me. I couldn't leave him in the shop with this girl as she was already freaked out, but I can't help being fucked off about being put in this situation to start with. I guess it's friendship over as obviously I will avoid him from now on. What a prick! Guess the cops have to deal with this shit all the time eh?

**Conquiztador** · 4th April 2009, 12:19

Originally Posted by Laava

I guess it's friendship over as obviously I will avoid him from now on.

To be considered a friend of mine you will have to fill the following criteria:

1. I have to like you.
2. I have to respect you.
3. I have to trust you.

If only two of them are covered then I will associate with you. Even call you Mate!

If only one of them is what you do for me then I will not tell you to fuck off. But I will not go outta my way to see you.

If you don't have any of those three you are not part of my life.

**Okey Dokey** · 4th April 2009, 12:40

I think it was nice of you to think of the young girl in sole charge. She was probably a little scared by your friend, and it was good of you to remove him from her presence.

**Winston001** · 4th April 2009, 12:42

Tough one. He needs help but if he won't accept it, won't admit anythings wrong.......not much you can do. Alkies and drug addicts are said to need to reach rock bottom before realising there is a problem.

I don't buy that. The realisation can come when someone they respect looks them in the eye and tells them - and provides a positive path to recovery. Admission is the crucial step, and it has to lead to some sort of help.

Its also a matter of self-respect for the sick person. Basically if they don't care anymore, its damned hard to motivate them. However being told that other people care and like them can be the circuit breaker to recovering self-esteem.

**Fatjim** · 4th April 2009, 12:48

You're not a friend untill you've gone the extra mile.

**portokiwi** · 4th April 2009, 13:37

Only you can pick your friends. It was frendship that stopped you getting his keys back.
Lets hope he remembers when he has sobered up.
well done mate

**Gubb** · 4th April 2009, 16:17

I've got a mate, who's an incredible bloke, but every time get gets on the turps, he turns into an animal. He's really not pleasant to be around. He did his damned best to ruin my Engagement party.

I've tried talking to him about it, but he can "never remember doing anything like that". He's not interested in "Help", so I started to stop seeing him when alcohol was around.

Shame really.

**Maha** · 4th April 2009, 16:24

You done the right thing Al....your 'friend' doesn't know the difference between right and wrong....you however, do!

**R6_kid:Me** · 4th April 2009, 16:27

Originally Posted by Gubb

Shame really.

Why? The guys sounds like a complete toss. People who use alcohol as an excuse are in the heap with liars, cheats, rapists and murderers. In all honesty, if you know you're an asshole when you are drunk you shouldn't put yourself in that situation in the first place.

**Paul in NZ** · 4th April 2009, 16:28

Addicts don't have friends except for their addiction - former friends are just opportunities.... You did the right thing.

**kevfromcoro** · 4th April 2009, 16:52

Originally Posted by portokiwi

Only you can pick your friends. It was frendship that stopped you getting his keys back.
Lets hope he remembers when he has sobered up.
well done mate

+ one
talk to the guy when he sobers up
i get this shit all the time
kev

**ducatilover** · 4th April 2009, 16:59

Originally Posted by Okey Dokey

I think it was nice of you to think of the young girl in sole charge. She was probably a little scared by your friend, and it was good of you to remove him from her presence.

I agree there.
I think it's a good thing you didn't help the drunk retrieve said keys

**Mom** · 4th April 2009, 17:17

Originally Posted by Winston001

Tough one. He needs help but if he won't accept it, won't admit anythings wrong.......not much you can do. Alkies and drug addicts are said to need to reach rock bottom before realising there is a problem.

I don't buy that. The realisation can come when someone they respect looks them in the eye and tells them - and provides a positive path to recovery. Admission is the crucial step, and it has to lead to some sort of help.

Its also a matter of self-respect for the sick person. Basically if they don't care anymore, its damned hard to motivate them. However being told that other people care and like them can be the circuit breaker to recovering self-esteem.

Alcoholics are sick, it is a disease that they have no ability to control. I was raised in a house where both my parents were drinkers, I wont bore you to tears with the details of the sort of upbringing I experienced but one thing I will reiterate for you is they so have to reach rock bottom (for them, their own version of it, not what other people think might be the bottom) before they can even think about begining to recover. There is no cure for the disease. Everyone has their own rock bottom, and the depths that some reach before finding it is very hard ofr people to accept or understand.

No amount of telling people you love them, or are worried about them, or that they are killing themselve, or they are hurting you, or pouring their booze away for them, or beating them sensless, or pleading or begging or anyother damn thing makes a blind bit of difference, of this I can assure you. There is no circuit breaker others can impose on them, they have to come to it for themselves. Educate yourself mate.

Originally Posted by Paul in NZ

Addicts don't have friends except for their addiction - former friends are just opportunities.... You did the right thing.

Absolutely! Co-dependance is almost as damaging as alcoholisim. The hardest thing in the world to do is simply do what you have to to keep someone safe, and then walk away and leave them to it.