When is verbal or physical domestic violence understandable?

[Dave Lobster]

Why is it only the retaliation that receives society's condemnation?

Because it's illegal these days to say that someone deserved what was coming to them.

[jrandom]

Why is it only the retaliation that receives society's condemnation?

Because the rest of it is subjective and very specific to the subtext of the interaction between those two individuals, and generally, none of it is recorded as any sort of permanent evidence.

The retaliation, though, leaves bruises that can be photographed.

Society condemns plenty of things that involve simply saying or doing something that doesn't physically harm anyone, but at some point you have to draw a line at what's reasonably possible to define, and to prove after the fact.

[trump-lady]

How do you know how many aren't reported, if they're not reported?

Health professions...eg doctors hospitals etc are predicited to have at least 90 percent contact at some stage however we are only now implementing screening. Alot of the poilce reports are incorrectly filed. Common assualt when actually DV and remember many victims are reluctant to press charges so often there are no arrest. Increasingly since all the child murders we are getting neighbours and friends calling police. Awarness is HUGE. Since the media hype lately we have experienced a 50 percent increase of reported incidents.

Its an estimated based on recent screenings at DHB hospitals. Isnt truely accurate (obviously hard to pinpoint exactly) but theres no doubt a significant number of unreported incidents.

I know in my job we usually only have contact when its serious, usually involving hospital and the abuse has been occuring for years and has never been reported.

[Dave Lobster]

Health professions...eg doctors hospitals etc are predicted to have at least 90 percent contact at some stage.....

Predicted? Are there ANY real figures available?

[_STAIN_]

2 years of having every spelling mistake and every grammatical error written down in a book plus other stuff - what's that called. no smilie faces here

........hitcher

[Headbanger]

I once had a delightful young lady crack me on the jaw, Though to be fair I was urinating on the back of her leg as she tried to unlock the front door to her house.

Man,was I fucking boozed.

[Marmoot]

So...a question. Say we have a hypothetical situation where one partner is abusing the other mentally, verbally, emotionally...

because if this were made illegal, all lawyers would have to be arrested and convicted.
It then opens a legal wormhole. With all lawyers being prosecuted, who's left to prosecute them?

[Patrick]

2 years of having every spelling mistake and every grammatical error written down in a book plus other stuff - what's that called. no smilie faces here

Kiwi Biker. Or "Hitcher".... or is that "Tank" now???

There should have been a question mark after called, and smiley has only 1 'i' and a y at the end.

You should have also had a full stop at the end of the second sentence.

Fuck you!

Glad you have a free hand

See? Push the right buttons and look what happens..... Case in point!!!

Justified? Hmmmm....

best part was getting close to him to shake I kept alert,but also reminded him,bit of a cunt you're right handed eh,can't hit me,the look on his face when I said I'm left handed,priceless.

Was he right handed.....??? It's a good trick up your sleeve though. My fav trick too.....

I once had a delightful young lady crack me on the jaw, Though to be fair I was urinating on the back of her leg as she tried to unlock the front door to her house.

Man,was I fucking boozed.

So..... did ya get some?

[buellbabe]

I went thru 3 years of verbal and emotional abuse with the occasional slap thrown in... and threats to torch my house and slit my dogs throats.

Looking back now I wonder why I put up with it for as long as I did. The turning point was when I walked away from him as he was screaming abuse at me (I had made the mistake of not hearing a question and therefore not replying in the correct amount of time). I said nothing, just walked down the hall to the bedroom, he followed me and punched me in the side of the head then stalked out, jumped on his bike and roared off.

I sat on the bed for a few minutes thinking "WTF am I doing?". Then I got up and very calmly starting packing all his shit into boxes and put it out in the garage. I never shed one single tear.

A while later I heard that he had punched over the next woman who was unlucky enough to fall for his charms... gee I bet it was her own fault cos she was too bloody lippy eh?

[alanzs]

It is understandable on many levels, but it is not acceptable under any circumstances except a life being in IMMINENT danger of death or grievous bodily harm. Other than self defense, there is no excuse. FULL STOP!

Back in L.A., if the cops come to the house for a domestic disturbance, someone is GOING to jail. If the victim doesn't want to press charges, the police do. It is not left up to the victim, as they are obviously a victim and undoubtedly under pressure from the perpetrator to stay silent. Maybe that would work here?

[Winston001]

There is research which suggests family violence is sometimes two-way.

The thinking is something like this: women are better than men at expressing themselves and much more subtle about finding emotional triggers. Sometimes words aren't even necessary - a woman can enrage a man simply with a glance or by the way she leaves a room.

Men on the other hand are rationalists. Men don't use words easily, find it harder to explain themselves, and get confused by the emotional complexities intuitive to women.

These differences lead to situations where men become frustrated and cornered. They react in two way: either to blow in a rage, or go silent. Silence is misinterpreted by women who become hurt and frustrated themselves and things escalate.....

Ok - that's all very generalised and simplistic but nevertheless fair. The different ways of thinking do not excuse verbal/physical violence. However if a man and a woman understand these differences exist, that opens doors for understanding the other person.

Check out Celia Lashlie's "He'll be OK" (about sons....and the way men think...).

[Headbanger]

There is research which suggests family violence is sometimes two-way.

The thinking is something like this: women are better than men at expressing themselves and much more subtle about finding emotional triggers. Sometimes words aren't even necessary - a woman can enrage a man simply with a glance or by the way she leaves a room.

Men on the other hand are rationalists. Men don't use words easily, find it harder to explain themselves, and get confused by the emotional complexities intuitive to women.

These differences lead to situations where men become frustrated and cornered. They react in two way: either to blow in a rage, or go silent. Silence is misinterpreted by women who become hurt and frustrated themselves and things escalate.....

Ok - that's all very generalised and simplistic but nevertheless fair. The different ways of thinking do not excuse verbal/physical violence. However if a man and a woman understand these differences exist, that opens doors for understanding the other person.

Check out Celia Lashlie's "He'll be OK" (about sons....and the way men think...).

My thinking is some people are just cunts, and will be cunts until the day they die, even if they give up physically lashing out at those around them.

[Pwalo]

Come on this is all a bit twee. At the end of the day the only actions that you can control are your own. Do so. Don't hit people (unless they start it, and FFS never if it's a women), and if you're really getting frustrated/threatened/angry get out.

[cc rider]

Push the right buttons and look what happens..... Case in point!!! Justified? Hmmmm....

No Patrick,........all the buttons got broken long ago. This , is just - nothing at all.
We can turn the computer off & walk away.

Shit-stirrers have a place in society too. They just keep escaping.

[Winston001]

Back in L.A., if the cops come to the house for a domestic disturbance, someone is GOING to jail. If the victim doesn't want to press charges, the police do. It is not left up to the victim, as they are obviously a victim and undoubtedly under pressure from the perpetrator to stay silent. Maybe that would work here?

Actually that is the police policy here. Zero tolerance for domestic violence. However sometimes officers can't tell who is at fault and furthermore are attacked by the person they arrived to rescue.

But you are correct - the police don't need evidence from the victim to prosecute.