Pirate Jokes

**Squeak the Rat** · 19th September 2006, 08:05

Shiver me timbers and swab me pecker it's International Talk Like a Pirate Day today, so here are some amazing pirate jokes.

Q: Why are pirates called pirates?
A: Because they Aaaarrrrrrrr.
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A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Yaaar, well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, “It was me first day with da hook."
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A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks down and says "You know that you have a steering wheel in your pants"
The pirate replies "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts"
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Q: Where does a Pirate go for his morning coffee?
A: Starrrrrrrrbucks.

**Lil_Byte** · 19th September 2006, 08:14

It's too early in the morning to comprehend arrrrrgh

**Cookie** · 19th September 2006, 08:21

Most important day of the yearrrrrrr in my books.

Thanks for bringing this to our attention.

**Maverick** · 19th September 2006, 08:27

Which Star Wars character is really a pirate?

Aarrrrgghh-2-d-2

**Maverick** · 19th September 2006, 08:28

What is a pirate's best feature?

His booty!

**Maverick** · 19th September 2006, 08:31

What has 8 hands and 8 legs?

8 Pirates.

**Squeak the Rat** · 19th September 2006, 08:37

Why couldn't the pirate get in to see the movie?

Because it was rated aaaaarrrrrrrrrr.

**Pillick** · 19th September 2006, 12:47

Arrrr, is there any man who be giving this day the respect it deserves? It be powerful hard to converse in this fashion - and the office wenches dannae take kindly to it.

Respect to any sea dog who can keep afloat and stay true on this difficult day.

**Squeak the Rat** · 19th September 2006, 12:53

Originally Posted by Pillick

Arrrr, is there any man who be giving this day the respect it deserves? It be powerful hard to converse in this fashion - and the office wenches dannae take kindly to it.

Respect to any sea dog who can keep afloat and stay true on this difficult day.

One of our managers be offerin' bountiful discounts to punters who be speakin' their order in the lingo of seafarin' scoundrels. Aaarrrrrrr.

**Pillick** · 19th September 2006, 13:11

Originally Posted by Squeak the Rat

One of our managers be offerin' bountiful discounts to punters who be speakin' their order in the lingo of seafarin' scoundrels. Aaarrrrrrr.

Haaarrrrr, a good man that. And what be this managers trade?

Whissht, ne'r mind. I see that ye be too far to the north for me. No self respecting pirate would ply his trade in the land-locked port of hamilton. Tis a shame.

**Maverick** · 19th September 2006, 13:49

Originally Posted by Pillick

Haaarrrrr, a good man that. And what be this managers trade?

Whissht, ne'r mind. I see that ye be too far to the north for me. No self respecting pirate would ply his trade in the land-locked port of hamilton. Tis a shame.

Aye, T'would be sad to be a river Pirate, Fore'er searchin but naer finding the Open Sea, Arrrrgh.

**GN1NiteStnd** · 19th September 2006, 14:17

Aye I have always loved pirate jokes arrrrrrg

**Squeak the Rat** · 19th September 2006, 14:18

Originally Posted by Pillick

Haaarrrrr, a good man that. And what be this managers trade?

Whissht, ne'r mind. I see that ye be too far to the north for me. No self respecting pirate would ply his trade in the land-locked port of hamilton. Tis a shame.

Arrrrr, he be a neighbouring scallywag of yars pillagin' and reapin' the bounty in the seas known as cambridge by tradin' electrical loot for gold bulion..... T'is indeed a river 'rat, makes it 'eaps easier to plunder from capn's of mansions, aaarrrrrr.'