Packin' the sads

[Big Dave]

We had our dog put down today. His eyes had gone and so had his hips and it was time - but I miss the old shitbag hassling me for my apple core right now.
Someone tell me a good joke.

[Patch]

Ohh that sucks the big one, feel for ya bro. Hope ya feel bit better soon.

[Zed]

An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".
The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!"

Sorry about your dog mate...will you be getting another one?

[Big Dave]

An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".
The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!"

Sorry about your dog mate...will you be getting another one?

That worked. And not straight away. Jnr has a cool puppy - I'll play with that and he can pick up the t*rds in a neat case or parental payback.

[Skyryder]

The Village People were wondering where the band 'MCA' got their name, (didn't know it stood for McDonald's Chef Assistants'.
So they sung 'Why MCA?'

BD It's the only village People joke I could find. I think the real joke is that it's like their music.


Skyryder

[Mental Trousers]

Sorry to hear about your dog. I've had a few put to sleep and it's hard every single time.

Not a joke as such but this should make you laugh (probably a repost but meh)

[Sensei]

Had to put my Rodesion Ridge back Mastiff down after 14ys Fucken cryed ! . Took it home in my top pocket when i got him he was that small . Miss my mate still . Have a Staffy Bullterryer now she is Kool & very protective of my boys which is great . Feel for your lose Dave .

[Biff]

Sorry to hear that BD.

I had to have my donkey put down last week. He had three legs. His name was Wonkey. He lived in an unstable. We bought him a piano and he used to play it dressed like a pimp. He was a honky tonky plinky plonky wonkey donkey.

Old jokes are the best.

[Big Dave]

Sorry to hear that BD.

I had to have my donkey put down last week. He had three legs. His name was Wonkey. He lived in an unstable. We bought him a piano and he used to play it dressed like a pimp. He was a honky tonky plinky plonky wonkey donkey.

Old jokes are the best.

Aye - and I'm now chucking you dick.

[Big Dave]

Had to put my Rodesion Ridge back Mastiff down after 14ys Fucken cryed ! . Took it home in my top pocket when i got him he was that small . Miss my mate still . Have a Staffy Bullterryer now she is Kool & very protective of my boys which is great . Feel for your lose Dave .

Thanks - I'm right. Meloncholy over till I go to chuck it some scraps or something - Smiling at some of these twits now.

[Big Dave]

Sorry to hear about your dog. I've had a few put to sleep and it's hard every single time.

Not a joke as such but this should make you laugh (probably a repost but meh)

I think that's the sort of crack idb likes!

[Big Dave]

The Village People were wondering where the band 'MCA' got their name, (didn't know it stood for McDonald's Chef Assistants'.
So they sung 'Why MCA?'

BD It's the only village People joke I could find. I think the real joke is that it's like their music.


Skyryder

Did you see the one who plays the cop got send down for narcotics recently?

True story - I got a life long friend back in NSW - Calvin - stand up comic and MC on the sports celebrity speaking circuit - been a pro for 30 years.

He does big road tours with strippers or other comics and about 10 years ago MC'd a Village People national tour - cabaret show etc.

Reckons he walked into the dressing room on more than one occasion and found them having group sex - just with each other.

'In the navy.....'

[Smokin]

It's a bloody tough decision to make buddy but deep down we always know it's also one of the kindest things you can do for a loved pet. Still hurts me now putting my best mate down 15 years ago for the same reason.

[Big Dave]

It's a bloody tough decision to make buddy but deep down we always know it's also one of the kindest things you can do for a loved pet. Still hurts me now putting my best mate down 15 years ago for the same reason.

Yeah - he was getting stuck on the stairs and stuff. it was time. thanks.

[The Pastor]

I hope you don't take this in bad taste or whatever LOL

A woman brought a very limp Cocker Spaniel to the veterinarian. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. The dog is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the dog's owner looked on in amazement, the Labrador stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead Cocker from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet petted the Labrador Retriever, took him out of the room, and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the limp Cocker from head to tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook his head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, your dog is most definitely, 100% certifiably, dead."

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The dog's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$250!" she cried. "$250 just to tell me my dog is dead?!!"

(OK, now the punch line)

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. But with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up."