Just got sent this - thought some of you might enjoy.
Did a search - couldn't find - so if anyone posts repost I'll chase you up a tree and set fire to it.
Scottish "Put-Downs"
1. Look's like he's been dooking for apples in a chip pan
2. She's got a face like a dug lickin pish aff a nettle
3. It looks like he's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe
4. She's got a face that could make an onion cry
5. I wouldn't ride her into battle
6. Everyone has a right to be ugly, but he abuses the privilege
7. I wouldnae do her with a rusty pole
8. He's got mair chins than a Chinese phone book
9. She's got a face like a melted welly
10. He smells like an alkies carpet
11. She's seen more japs-eyes than an oriental optician
12. It's like shaggin a pail of water
13. It's like shaggin the sleeve off a wizard's cloak
14. She's killed more cocks than a fowl butcher
15. She's got a fanny like a ripped out fireplace
16. She' got a fanny like a horses collar
17. He's got a face like a sand blasted tomato
18. She's got an arse like a bag o washing
19. Your face could get a job haunting houses
20. I wouldn't ride her if I had a bag of spare Dicks
21. He sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant
22. She's seen more helmets than Hitler
23. The wheels turning but the hamsters died
24. She's been cocked more times than Davy Crocket's Musket
25. He's got a face like a stuntman's knee
26. She's got a fanny like a badly packed kebab
27. Your ma's goat a dick and yer da's jealous
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Originally Posted by WRT
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