Bored husband in shopping mall

**V4ME** · 23rd January 2007, 08:49

Proof of what can happen if a wife drags her husband along to go shopping.

Dear Mrs. Murry,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.

MEMO
Re: Complaints
15 Things Mr. Wayne Murry has done while his spouse is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to tampons section.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-by.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practised his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker he assumes the foetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!

And; last, but not least!

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

**"D" FZ1** · 23rd January 2007, 08:56

That is why I don't do shopping

**ArcherWC** · 23rd January 2007, 09:16

Great read LMAO

**Nasty** · 23rd January 2007, 09:53

This is great .. am sending it to our jokes god here at work

**jrandom** · 23rd January 2007, 10:07

Originally Posted by V4ME

While handling guns in the hunting department...

If department stores in this country had a hunting department, I'd stop throwing tantrums every time Mrs Fish insisted on taking me clothes shopping.

**MyGSXF:Me** · 23rd January 2007, 10:12

Good one V4ME!!!

**ManDownUnder** · 23rd January 2007, 10:13

Brilliant - I might need to try a few.

We did something similar ages ago. One of the flatmates had a lady friend coming over so I stepped into the loo and closed the door. When our victim arrived I shouted out "I need someone to wipe my bottom"

The girls in the flat each looked at each other with a "your turn?" "No I did it last time - your turn" kinda thing then one reluctantly "agreed" and came into the loo. We waited the requisite length of time, flushed, she stpped out to carry on the conversation and I walked through to wash my hands.

Leigh (the victim - doing her Masters in social work and psych) didn't quite know what to do. Was worth the look on her face till we couldn't keep a straight face any longer

**ManDownUnder** · 23rd January 2007, 10:14

Originally Posted by Fish

If department stores in this country had a hunting department, I'd stop throwing tantrums every time Mrs Fish insisted on taking me clothes shopping.

Yeah - you gotta get yourself the a Walmart in Texas... some good deals to be had on ammo from time to time

**Deviant Esq** · 23rd January 2007, 10:18

Seen that before somewhere... was tempted to say "repost" but it might not have been on KB. *Shrug* Still funny though

**ZeroIndex** · 23rd January 2007, 10:31

classique

**V4ME** · 23rd January 2007, 13:00

Originally Posted by ManDownUnder

Brilliant - I might need to try a few.

We did something similar ages ago. One of the flatmates had a lady friend coming over so I stepped into the loo and closed the door. When our victim arrived I shouted out "I need someone to wipe my bottom"

The girls in the flat each looked at each other with a "your turn?" "No I did it last time - your turn" kinda thing then one reluctantly "agreed" and came into the loo. We waited the requisite length of time, flushed, she stpped out to carry on the conversation and I walked through to wash my hands.

Leigh (the victim - doing her Masters in social work and psych) didn't quite know what to do. Was worth the look on her face till we couldn't keep a straight face any longer

-Brilliant - I must try that sometime -Top marks MDU

**crack** · 25th January 2007, 03:44

V4ME:

Well done, my type of guy, way to go! strange I have no problem relating to the chap whatso ever.

Reminds me of the chap that shall remain nameless, that for a dare,during an afternoons drinking, went into JC Penny's, lingerie department, asked a lady staff member, to help him in his selections, then walked to the fitting cubicle, with said articles, left the lady outside rather like stunned mullet, then asked her to come in and give her advice?????

Result: a Manager and security staff without a sense of humour:
Police rounded up his rather pissed mates and took all down town?
An Atlanta desk sergant with a great sense of humour, that let said group go in peace.

Peter Pan forever, my I never grow up, may I never become a sad bastard:

Now next time my trouble & strife and girls ask me to go to the warehouse with them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

**NighthawkNZ:Me** · 25th January 2007, 06:23

Originally Posted by V4ME

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to tampons section.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-by.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practised his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker he assumes the foetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!

And; last, but not least!

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

Hey K-Mart said they wouldn't release my record...