Depression...

[jazbug5]

Hmmm.

Some interesting thoughts here. And I am struck by something in reading them: while I dislike the insensitive 'harden up' attitude that some adopt (probably because they either don't understand, or are threatened by Feelings in some way, or... something..?) there is also a kernel of truth there.

Depression (speaking from personal experience here) can be very vampiric; it gets its claws in and then takes away your energy and demands sympathy and attention. And while sympathy and attention can sometimes be helpful if you are just a bit 'down', a pattern can develop in other cases of attention seeking behaviour. (I believe this is called 'enabling'? For example, I once spent 48 hours on suicide watch over a mate, worrying over every little thing she did, hiding the knives... then another mate turned up, told her to stop being so bloody stupid, forced her to laugh... and you know what? She brightened the hell up.) Whatever- it behaves almost exactly like a parasitic demon that will do anything to stay on in its host: which is why we do so much to protect it against our own best interests. "I'll just stay in bed." "I'll have another pint." "Why bother exercising?" "They're right- I am stupid and useless!"

(By the way: it's been rather a long day, and probably I 'shouldn't' be writing this at all, so I hope I don't offend anyone by being clumsy.)

Everyone is different. And everyone's moods vary from moment to moment, even if it can feel as though they don't. We are affected by food, temperature, fitness, body position, light, genetics, environmental chemicals, pollution, noises, The Past, by an infinate number of factors- and when you chuck them all together, that makes it even more confusing. And yet... we are all human, and depression is not unique, even if the causes, the exact personal shadings are.

I personally spent most of my life up until about a year and a half ago being depressed. A lot of that time, I see now, I had internalised this idea that this was part of who I was. There was no choice. My dad had Bipolar. Mum was depressive. My childhood was crap. Umpty million horrid things happened to me all my life. I had Scoliosis. PCOS. I was just no good. Whine, whine, whine. (Incidentally, I mean to take the piss out of myself, no-one else. Ok?)
So anyway, I'd been fighting this thing on and off for all these years when suddenly I just thought... fuck it. I'm going to give it BOTH barrels. I really have had enough of this fucker- and I'm fed up of being an unhappy, boring, whiny, tetchy bitch.
So I did my homework. I read books. With focus. I got on the net, researched what really worked. What makes people successful at being HAPPY? What makes them different? Let's just assume it's in my power to change this thing, even if it's a little bit at a time, in my own way. I then actually moved to a specific city because they had a college clinic specialising in CBT, and they were prepared to take me on.
I'd be lying if I said it was the best of times. Actually it was pretty crazy, but no crazier than carrying on as I had been. So while I did the CBT I joined a gym, and I went every day. And I haven't really looked back. There's been the odd blip, but due to the change in perspective I've gained, I've known inside that the bad times will pass, and that I am not in the depths and don't have to be any more. And I'm getting better all the time, dammit!
I am broke, but slowly on my way to a new career and a new focus. I work with kids a lot, and I try to help them build up their confidence and self esteem, and learn how to deal with the shit that life throws. I know this is a whole lot of waffle (I did warn you), but the point is, you might be surprised at how much power you have to change, regardless of how bad you feel and how long you've been that way. And you might be surprised by the strength you've built up by pushing against those cell walls all those years; in fact, you might even find you can use that strength for all sorts of unexpected things.

I don't know that I should hit 'Submit', as I know there will be people who don't get this, and I know how irritating it can be when someone wombles on smugly about How They Got It Beat, but fuck it. I hate that time-wasting stupid wee demon, so as far as I'm concerned, if any of my drivel helps someone else give theirs a kicking, that's one more to us versus Them. The little shites. Onwards and upwards!



P.S. If anyone wants to PM me, please do. Can't do coffee as I'm a bit of a communt away, but I'd be happy to share tips or similar...

[SwanTiger]

Suicide is a bit of a paradox isn't it.

One day we will die.

Chosing to take your own life is considered suicide, however chosing to live could be defined as suicide as well, with the knowledge that one day you will die.

Comparison: Chosing to ingest a large quantity of XYZ drug with the knowledge that it will kill you sometime soon.

Swanny's thought for the day.

[Bekki]

Hi guys,

I really hope no one minds me posting this on here but someone who's reading might really appreciate it or might have a friend who will!!

If you have struggled with mental illness, such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia.. and have gained wisdom or insight from that experience which might help others to move forward in their recovery journey.. you should check out these job opportunities :

http://recruiting.co.nz/34630.htm

http://recruiting.co.nz/34625.htm

They will also be recruiting for staff for their new Christchurch, West Auckland and North Shore teams within the next few months.

These are real jobs for real pay, which are fun and flexible and intensely rewarding.. helping ordinary people like you to figure out their goals and future direction, and focusing on their strengths and the things they enjoy about life, not their diagnoses! (That's what doctors are for.) No healthcare or social work experience is necessary but obviously people skills and empathy are important. Full and part time positions are available and the management are very supportive and open.
These roles are within a private company who contracts to district health boards. The service is free.

[MotoGirl]

Although depression doesn't affect me, I'm stoked to see KB members discussing the subject so openly and everyone sharing their knowledge and experience.

I see these types of discussion helping the general community to understand depression, and hopefully, remove some of the stigma about having it. Good on ya guys - it's fantastic to see people supporting each other.

[kevfromcoro]

wot an interesting thread..have never expeianced depression..but have had a few hicups in my life..which throw me me off kilter a little,,i think any long term .abuse of drugs ..is not to good....i drink like a fish..wich keeps me stable...live on the thames coast..there are a lot of waisted people down here.....ie, no money...no job,,nowhere to live,,hairy feet....cant ride a bike,,cant afford a bike,it has been a real eye opener 4 me....dont want to end up like that,,u are a short time here and a long time dead,,, rember that..just another thing... try herball remidies,, they are ok..talk to a herballist ..person..they are very helpfull....look at there eyes when u talk...wouldnt u like to b like that,,,,,just a thought..it can help...failing that ..drink a dz bottles of lion red a day....chin up...KEVTHEKIWI

[KATWYN]

8 pages. Im not reading that lot, too depressing.....

Maybe you should.

It's comments like these that add to the stigma and why people in crisis
are reluctant to seek help or advice -

As someone said, a public forum is not the place to find empathy,compassion
and help. (i'm not accusing you Puppet Master...it's just
some comments probably don't help when people are already
down)

In general, there will always be the token smart arse comment on a public forum.

I'm open for PM'ing.

[Chickadee]

Glad to see so many folks adding to this thread. Depression and other problems effect more people than you'd believe, including little ol'e me.

OCD and depression can really screw you up. I had OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) really bad for a bit years ago, people with OCD suffer in many different ways, I was a checker (kept thinking I'd left things on - and had to go and check multiple times that I'd switched things off). You get people with ritual behaviour - they will always do things in a particular order to be in control of the situation/environment, you get people that fear contamination who wash hands constantly. All pretty demoralising, embarrassing but compelling for the sufferer to do (check/wash/stick with their routines). I've had bouts of depression in my teens and adulthood also.

I found rebalancing EFA's (essential fatty acids) helped me and St Johns Wart, many friends have used prescription medication for depression with mixed reports/results. If they work for some, that's great but the drugs weren't an option for me by personal choice. I'm a big advocate for ST Johns Wart, works for me and many others.

[V4ME]

Hi guys,

I really hope no one minds me posting this on here but someone who's reading might really appreciate it or might have a friend who will!!

If you have struggled with mental illness, such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia.. and have gained wisdom or insight from that experience which might help others to move forward in their recovery journey.. you should check out these job opportunities :

http://recruiting.co.nz/34630.htm

http://recruiting.co.nz/34625.htm

They will also be recruiting for staff for their new Christchurch, West Auckland and North Shore teams within the next few months.

These are real jobs for real pay, which are fun and flexible and intensely rewarding.. helping ordinary people like you to figure out their goals and future direction, and focusing on their strengths and the things they enjoy about life, not their diagnoses! (That's what doctors are for.) No healthcare or social work experience is necessary but obviously people skills and empathy are important. Full and part time positions are available and the management are very supportive and open.
These role are within a private company who contracts to district health boards. The service is free.

Hi Bekki - Thanks for posting that - what cool jobs and it would be so rewarding - Cheers

[vifferman]

I don't know that I should hit 'Submit'.

I'm glad you did - that was a very inspirational post, Jaz.

[Coyote]

There is no recovery you will always have it. It's just how you deal with it that will make a differance.

Well that's just depressing

Real and true depression goes unnoticed. Everthing else is just attention seeking.

+

Sometimes that is not a bad thing, sometimes it is good to sit back and listen (or read) what people have to say. Depression is no longer something to be ashamed of and people will help when asked.

Good example is the whole emo culture. It's all attention seeking, and it's ridiculed for it. And the few people that really are in a slump at my age just get laughed at for being 'an emo cunt'. You do feel ashamed for being depressed

... and the worstest thing is that it's all in your head.

Amen

Part of my whole self hatred thing. It's mainly my fault for what I am

WRT to jobs, you can't tell a prospective employer you suffer from depression. In fact, I made the mistake of telling an existing employer, and the HR person and my boss conspired to have me fired. That was rather devastating. At least it taught me to be a bit more circumspect about what I said to people.
....
Yes, exercise helps (it's the endorphins you know). Sex is great for endorphins, so a quickie is better than a long run or whatever, especially when you suffer from aaaaarrrrrRRRthritis. And recognising when things are ... going wrong or heading towards a bad place can help.

It's brilliant how employers will in fact get rid of you to save themselves trouble even though it might only help grease up that spiral slide you're going down.
…
I'm young, and most promiscuous girls are after the bad boys. Not that I really want to have anything to do with that type of girl cause they're one of the many people I get angry at. Beautiful people using their looks as currency. A way to manipulate, control, show off, etc.

Depression is often mistaken for people who are depressed, and although one might think by association of words, they are the same thing, they are not. I am depressed that my DR never came to be whole again, but I do not have "depression", which by medical definition, is a debilitating state of mind, where one stays in a shitty state of melancholy and sombre mood, not necessarily spawned by a time in your life, or event(s).

I was really surprised to learn this in a PE lesson one time. It was all of a sudden made clear why I pretty much had no control on how I would always dwell on things. If I think logically I know I've got things good, but it's like you're brain isn't thinking logically all the time and takes no notice of that thin silver lining surrounding that bloody great big massive dark cloud

[Coyote]

I’ve explained on KB before that I’ve been going through some trouble. I’ve come to realise its all based on vanity and what is expected in our world nowadays. I read a bloody good article in yesterday’s paper about “Affluenza”, people in English speaking nations becoming depressed over materialistic stuff. Not being well endowed, not having good looks, not having heaps of money, and if you do have them show off to your hearts content. Take advantage of them. “When you got it, flaunt it”. This is in stark contrast to non-english speaking nations. Pretty women are nice people that aren’t trying to use their looks to get something out of you, unlike the Sex and the City type. The Danes are the least materialistic, and the Chinese despite having low pay and bad conditions still hold a sense of optimism.

My depression has been brought on by many factors, but my main problem has been how I’ve been treated by the lady types. I largely get ignored whilst my friends are swooned over, and those who do notice me treat me like shit cause I’m just 1 on a list of guys they’re playing around with. I went for a ride the other day cause I was in a bad mood. The last girl I had developed eyes for was playing me for a fool. I went out thinking “I’m going to crash” cause really I wanted that. Let fate decide whether I die from it or not. It ended up being a low side in the wet cause of my shitty tyres, and I went sliding into a parked bus. I got back up thanks to a passing citizen, and rode off back home to lick my wounds. After this I was thinking about how stupid I was. I get all huffy over this girl who’s the “I’m pretty, I have a big chest, World: worship me” type and wrecking the one thing I do love, the bike. And again, I start beating myself up thinking how incredible idiotic I am, not actually trying to learn something from it. And I started thinking about “Why her? Am I just being vain going for this gorgeous girl” and vanity being my biggest pet peeve lately, I started hating myself more

Depression sucks. Whether I have it or not, I don’t know. It sure feels like I do. I had something else to say but I’ve forgotten it. I hate that too

[Coyote]

I had something else to say but I’ve forgotten it. I hate that too

Now I remember. I was going to elaborate on the whole attention seeking thing. One of my problems was not getting any attention. Once I had mentioned to one or 2 people about how depressed I am, they suddenly took a keen interested in wanting to know if I was ok. All of a sudden I was getting attention and I was able to vent everything. But I took it too far. Getting attention was becoming a high as I had never really got it before. I was saying too much and revealing really personal stuff. A lot of these people I was telling stuff to were randoms that just thought I was a weird cunt. Some people were stoners that started spreading what I had said around. Others had got sick of me complaining and said "I'm not depressed, I'm just a bitch". I really had become a bitch, remarking on how everything sucks. I had got to the point where I was an attention seeking emo like the rest of them.

So yeah, even my last post going on about my story. that's all about me and my problems. That seems like just another cry for attention, and it seems to have worked since I've got a few PMs (from very nice people). I didn't mean for it to be that way, but sometimes that's what I do

[KATWYN]

I was an attention seeking emo like the rest of them.

I keep seeing this word EMO thrown about in here....what the heck is an EMO?

[Coyote]

I keep seeing this word EMO thrown about in here....what the heck is an EMO?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emo_%28slang%29

That's the best place to find out. It's hard to explain without missing things out that are crucial to understanding what you're trying to explain before

[ManDownUnder]

And then along came the good folks of KB...

At the risk of stroking my own ego... like I said.


===

To answer a question posed earlier (Jazzy?) what makes people cheerful, happy, able to cope... I have some experience in that matter. As background - for those that know, I have my own dramas that I've dealt with. Not depression but other shit that really dragged me down.

I was sad however, emotionally low... I don't think I was depressed. But I was down for about ... 3 months? maybe more so I suspect I might be able to relate to the listless, feeling of pointlessness and feelings of why not end it all...

I didn't because I was lucky enough to have friends and family that I could confide it, that saw what was going on, and didn't turn their back on me. They helped me work on the shit that was bringing me down... and that was my personal key to coming out of the melancholy.

I have that stuff sorted now, and I find I am generally an "up" person. I am helped by a number of perspectives that I live by - and some of which you guys have seen.

Do unto others... pretty damned simple.

Expect good of others. Look beyond the crap going on "right now". If someone's in a bad mood that doesn't sum up the whole person. It just means they are in a bad mood. Who knows - they may have a good reason. They often have a better reason than you think.

I expect good of others, and expect the same in return. I find it generally works too. Believe in others till they disprove your efforts. People will live up to your expectations... strange but true. So expect good fun stuff.

My personal life has benefitted.

Be with people you love. I'm lucky, young family, a bunch of good friends (some of you guys/gals included).

Do stuff for others. Seriously - it works. It's a feel good thing but it's also the right thing to do... I have enough other posts on this point, but in terms of being happy... it works really well.

... other stuff I'll think of later no doubt.

While I don't really know about depression (learning a lot as I read this thread though - cheer all) I do know about satisfaction, and motivation. Stay satisfied. It feeds on itself. Do some feel good stuff, live by rules that feel good. Get the end of the day having done one thing for someone else - just because you can.

It works for me...