Losing the fight

[Timber020]

I was brought up in a farming area, if I stepped out of line my ass could be handed to me by any adult my family knew. Worked well.

I reprimand kids I see, even infront of the soft mothers, boy have I suprised a few!

[heyjoe]

hey kro,

Sounds like a good system. I grew up in a family environment that worked similar. We didn't get away with much.
It is society that has changed over the years. Some of todays parents have developed an approach that is creating kids who seem to have no concept of self discipline or respect. I suspect that it will make life more difficult for them later on.

[kro]

My brother has now married a woman that has had a different upbringing and if we even frown in her kids direction we are damned. And now the little bastards run wild telling us and her to piss off as they please and have absolutley no respect for anyone. We don't see too much of them nowdays.

An all too familiar story terbang, what you see happening to your brothers children is so typical nowadays, and with the PC army slowly invading NZ, soon it will be illegal to raise your voice to a child, let alone attempt any form of discipline, as this will "traumatise" the child, and stunt their growth.

Hand in hand with this are parents who deny their children nothing. Of all the forms of abuse, I have seen this one to be the biggest cultivator of horrible children. My son knows 2 such children, at even at age 6, he is slowly distancing himself from these kids, because he see's them getting into trouble in a daily basis, and doesn't want to be tarred with the same brush.

You cultures with heavy emphasis on extended families, like India, or China, and you see just how well it works when all the family back up the parents. I have yet to work with someone from either of these countries, who isn't exceedingly polite, unbelievably helpful, and modestly succesful. The culture breeds it, and NZ is losing it's culture faster I think, than the Maori, we just don't see it, because we have forgotten, or don't care anymore.

[Dilligaf]

Hey as long as you are all cool with it... But maybe she has experiences like me...
If we are with the out-laws... and my daughter steps out of line even WHEN I am in the middle of saying / doing something to reprimand, two other adult voices (MIL and SIL) HAVE TO FRICKEN CHIME IN WITH THEIR BLOODY TWO CENTS WORTH!!! She's 4 years old FGS, she does not need three adults telling her off
one thing that is guaranteed to have me chomping on the old tongue
I have generally taken the line that if the parents are there, then it is up to them to discipline otherwise I will do / say something (especially if they are guests in my house).
And yes, we have stopped socialising with some families because of the different standards of behaviour that are expected from their kids.

[ManDownUnder]

I think it's brilliant what your brother did. My brother and sister would be well within rights to do the same.

Kids are part of society as a whole, and society as a whole has a responsibility to bring them up. Mum and Dad are the primary caregivers sure - but they are not the sole caregivers.

[pritch]

I was on an open climb of the local mountain when during a rest break on the scree a kid started throwing rocks dowhill. This is a stated no no and besides we couldn't see if anyone was below us. I told the kid he shouldn't do that as it was dangerous. His father turned and told me if anybody was to tell his son what to do it was him.

I didn't reply but he had ample time to say something to the boy but hadn't. If anyone abdicates his responsibility as a parent, especially in a safety situation, I'll feel free to admonish the kid.
And his useless bloody parent if necessary...

[Biff]

Sounds like a good bit of team work you've got going on there. Congrats.

Although I'm the kinda guy that would generally growl and pull up pretty much any young un in my charge for a firm, quiet, growly, word. And I often throw in a menacing glare for effect.

<<<< Like this, but not in yellow.

[scumdog]

I think it's brilliant what your brother did. My brother and sister would be well within rights to do the same.

Kids are part of society as a whole, and society as a whole has a responsibility to bring them up. Mum and Dad are the primary caregivers sure - but they are not the sole caregivers.

True - if a parent screws up and their kid turns out an arsehole it's not just the parent that suffers.
The rest of society does.

[vifferman]

So good to hear some of you have similar ways of doing things, I was starting to think I was breaking some moral code that no bastard told me about when we had children.

They're your kids: if you love them and are doing what you think is best for them, then who cares what anyone else thinks.

Keep up the good work.

[yungatart]

Its a great way to bring up kids. I believe that raising kids is a community effort and not just the responsibility of the parents.Too many parents are isolated from extended families, the rest of us need to step in and support/help where we can.
After all, when they grow up, they have to fit in to a community, don't they?

[sels1]

Good stuff kro, and everyone else. Good to know there are still others out there trying to bring up kids in a decent way

[frogfeaturesFZR]

Good stuff guys, maybe there is hope for society after all !

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Good parenting skills Kro! My parents' rules were not matter what adult was looking after me they were allowed to discipline. Even when they were around - crikey we had enough aunts and uncles that weren't shy in coming forward. We were taught to respect adults.

I use to look after 2 children every 2nd weekend - my sister had witnessed their atrocious behaviour when one on one with their father and said how do you cope with them. Simple. I sat down with them and explained that while they were in my home - these are the rules/boundaries. Sure they tested me but I was consistent. They were horrified I never had a tv but about 3 weekends in the greatest compliment they paid me - was we don't miss tv shirl cos we have much more fun playing with you and dad. Even when their dad & I split - they wanted to live with me. Boundaries make for happier children and me being a big kid at heart we had such fun times.

I enjoy being around families where the parents have control of their kids, and there is respect all round.

[Joni]

My parents' rules were not matter what adult was looking after me they were allowed to discipline.

I reckon this situation like most is open to different guidelines depending on who you talk to.

We all know I am not a Kiwi, where I come from, my Mother for example would take offence if someone diciplined her children, its basically not their place... if you have an issue with her children you take it up with her. She was huge on consistency and not sending mixed messages... Now belieive me, Im not saying her approach was ideal.... but it shows you BMW how things can be different from one person to another.

Kro, i reckon you know what is right for you and your children at a base level... with all the great answers in this thread, the answer would become fairly clear.

[avgas]

Retaliation is a failing, a good parent informs the child before the mistake is made.
Ever told a dog it is bad 5mins after it pisses on the carpet - with no explanation.
If you don't teach them the error, then you are responsible for them repeating it.
Look him directly in the eyes, tell him what is wrong with what he has done and do not loose eye contact. If he is searching for attention - give him an excess so he never wants that situation again.
How would you react if your mechanic yelled at you "Your bike is fucked cos you fucked it!" with no reasoning.