Advice please?

[Keystone19]

Hehe, just imagine if Mr K was a secret KBer?

Wouldn't it be nice...


Somehow if he were I doubt that this thread would exist...

[curious george]

Sad to hear Jill, hope you both find a happy solution....
My missus would love to ride a bike too, but pressure from parents and her own conscience have stopped her sofar.
Might I suggest that his complaint is not from you riding, but more to do with his fear of riding?

[inlinefour]

Dear Mr K informed me last night that he doesn't want me riding a bike. It's too dangerous, I will get killed and I should be more responsible.

Any of you people out there have trouble with partners with ideas like these?

Is there a good way to approach this?

I don't want to give up riding...

Does he ride and will he stop if he does? Why do partners think that they have some right to re-arrange their partner to suit them? My ex-wife tried it, hence the ex bit. I think that expecting the riding to stop alone is grounds for divorce/seperation (my opinion). Don't give up your riding mate, be firm with him, and show him this message as I think hes just being a selfish wanker. Mr matey, stop thinking of thinking whats good for yourself and think of Keystone19 for a change.

[Ixion]

Dear Mr K informed me last night that he doesn't want me riding a bike. It's too dangerous, I will get killed and I should be more responsible.

Any of you people out there have trouble with partners with ideas like these?

Is there a good way to approach this?

I don't want to give up riding...

There is no good way to approach this. it is a problem for many bikers. Illinformed people have managed to successfully put forward the message that bikes are dangerous, beyond the degree to which that statement is justified.

Those who are not into bikes cannot understand WHY we do it, and worry about the "danger". It is difficult, because knowing that they are worried in itself induces guilt - one does not wish to be a source of worry to those whom we love.

Best answer is if you can get him on his own bike.

Logical arguments about "could be run over by a bus" etc do not work. They do not stop the worrier worrying - maybe even introduce extra worry about buses.

If he will not ride all you can do is put it bluntly, that this is part of what and who you are, and he needs to give you space for it. And hit the "responsible" bit - what's irresponsible about a bike ?

Maybe try to get him along to a KB gathering and introduce him to "X , who's been riding for 20 years without an accident . and here's Y, 30 years uninjured, and z etc etc " - very few non bikers actually realise how many years bikers can go without being injured at all, they have this "hospital every few months" notion.

But I have to say that I've not found a solution, myself.

Good luck.

[The Stranger:Me]

Wait until we get his 250cc acquaintance on a sports bike. I get the feeling she may be leaving him behind...


Oi, stop hijacking my thread...

We swapped bikes the other day and I had a hell of a job getting mine back.

Picture 50ish kg on an 1100 being chased by 100ish kg (the actual figure is a closely guarded secret) on a 250.

I think I have talked her out of a Hayabusa for her next bike due to the weight, but now she is determined to get a CBR1000.

[Rashika]

I can so relate to this...

After having my last bike for 10 years I finally sold it, partly (in fact probably mostly) due to pressure about having it from my ex hubby...not specifically said outloud, just insinuations/innuendo about why keep it when we cant do stuff together on it, costing money, dangerous etc ...yadda yadda yadda
Okay so I wasn't riding as much as i could have been and that was a lot due to where I was living at the time. Didnt stop me wanting to tho.
Did irk me a bit...
But if you are loving it, then DONT stop riding!
Give him some reassurance: yes it can be dangerous, so can driving to work...walking down the street ....eating something for f**ks sake...damn near anything will kill us these days or so they say
....but dont let someone pressure you into not doing what you want to do and if it is riding then just do it

says she who has finally got a bike again YIPEEEEEEEEE

[curious george]

Maybe try to get him along to a KB gathering and introduce him to "X , who's been riding for 20 years without an accident . and here's Y, 30 years uninjured, and z etc etc "

Ermm.... might be a small gathering then.
Maybe print this out, and show him?
Biking is just something we do, like birds do fly :spudguita

[SARGE]

Dear Mr K informed me last night that he doesn't want me riding a bike. It's too dangerous, I will get killed and I should be more responsible.

Any of you people out there have trouble with partners with ideas like these?

Is there a good way to approach this?

I don't want to give up riding...

hey Jill...
i went through much the same thing with mrs. Sarge.. i explained that my bike makes me feel alive, makes me happy and to top it off, saves fuel and parking. if he really loves you and wants you to be happy, he should indulge you in your riding. (yes.. use the guilt..)

maybe even instead of trading, you could pass the VTR onto him and step up to your next bike.. get him into it and go riding together

Mrs Sarge is getting her license this month

[vifferman]

It's not one of those situations where there's an easy, 'potted' answer, as it depends on the individuals and circumstances. The vifferbabe was not that happy about me biking (as I'm sure is common for many wives), but that was more due to it being inherently selfish than unsafe. It took a long while, and a conscious decision from her to accept it was my passion and wasn't going to go away, and to share it instead of resenting it, before things came right.

If it's a resentment thing or a safety thing, I'm sure there are things your man does that are selfish and/or potentially hazardous, and you need to try to get him to see this.
Unless you're both bikers, it IS inherently selfish, and he may feel left out, as you're part of a world for which he's just an outsider. If he doesn't ride, he can't understand the joy and bliss of perfectly-linked turns, the exhiliration of speed, the smell of honeysuckle in the hedgerows, the refreshing pools of cool air in shaded cuttings in the summertime..

I understand the safety thing, as I feel like I'm exposing my girl to a vulnerable and dangerous sport by sharing biking with her, and for that reason I'd rather she was on the back of the VFR than on her own bike. That's probably irrational, as one heavily-loaded bike is probably more risky than two separate bikes, and I'm not necessarily less likely to crash than she would be (even though she doesn't have a license yet). But when I'm by myself, I don't worry much about the risks, but I would hate for her to get hurt.

The main thing is you need to TALK. Find out exactly why he feels like he does, explain how you feel, and agree to some compromises that you are both happy with.

[ManDownUnder]

Hey Keystone...

I'd simply put the cards on the table...

I'm assuming a lot here - but it's the kind of stuff I would raise if I were you.

It sounds like he cares for you a lot, and doesn't want to lose you. He sees Motorcycling as a high risk activity... Don't you see it that way too? I know I do, and I moderate my riding accordingly.

For me... I enjoy riding, it's just a part of me that I would really miss over time, and even though I love my wife, there would be a resentment of sorts that builds. I wouldn't want that to happen either.

What can you do to allay his fears? Spell them all out - even the ones you don't like. You need to talk through all the issues.
Give up riding?
A defensive riding course?
Ride less?
Ride weekends only?
Take him with you?
Put an "In Case of Emergency" notice/sticker somewhere (like on the top of your lid)

Talk it through - and feel free to have a couple of goes. I would be very surprised if you could cover off all the issues in one go anyway. Leave the door open for him, and you, to re-open discussions and see where you get to in w week/month/whatever.

Don't stress - but raise it an an important issue that you want to help with, but you want him to help with too...

Good luck!
MDU

[enigma51]

Dear Mr K informed me last night that he doesn't want me riding a bike. It's too dangerous, I will get killed and I should be more responsible.

Any of you people out there have trouble with partners with ideas like these?

Is there a good way to approach this?

I don't want to give up riding...

I usualy respond with the dont let the door hit you on the way out!

[ManDownUnder]

I usualy respond with the dont let the door hit you on the way out!

Nothing personal chap - I put my marriage WAAAAAYYYYY ahead of any motorcycle...

[claire]

hey Keystone

We're lucky in our house - we both ride bikes. If I wasn't into bikes I can guarantee that He would still have one. He would be impossible to live with if He didn't have a bike and knowing that I think it would be unfair if I then undertook to rearrange his hobbies to suit me. I know that I wouldn't be too happy if he expected me to give up something just because he wasn't into it. Good luck finding a resolution to this one and I hope you're able to keep riding as a hobby. I also cycle and He is more worried about me pedalling around the roads than on my motorbike so maybe your partner has a hobby that has just as many risks as riding a motorbike?

Claire

[eliot-ness]

I think hes just being a selfish wanker.

Selfish??? for being concerned about his partners safety.??? I think not. Biking, and any other sport considered dangerous, are the realms of the more selfish among us. How many of us give second thought to our wives and families when we get aboard the bike for a sunday run. How many climbers wonder how it would affect their loved ones if they fell to their death. A single handed sailor caught out in a storm may feel reasonably safe but what about his wife and kids waiting for news. I may have been riding longer than most but I still have to put up with comments about the risks involved, not from the wife, but from my own kids and now grandkids. When people stop worrying about their loved ones the world will be a poorer place.
As to allaying his fears, not difficult. Stay safe. Don't come home from a ride and regale him with stories of the guy who binned, the idiot in a car who nearly ran you off the road or the speeds your mates achieved on some country road. If you have biker mates call round at your place keep the conversation positive. No mention of crashes, speeding tickets, wheelies etc.
Maybe I got lucky when I met my wife, or more ikely because I included her in my riding, but I've never had this problem. If she worries she doesn't show it. and after many years of riding I can point to my record and say with authority that motorcycles are potentially the safest vehicle on the road. The only danger is attitude of the guy on board. I wish you luck and many more years of riding.
PS. Don't try to talk him into riding. It's obviously not his thing and even a minor accident would convince him he was right.

[SixPackBack]

What many of our partners fail to realise is that the dangers of motorcycling are nothing compared to the danger of living on our knees cacooned.......
I personally got around the 'danger' aspect by having a generous insurance policy, it will not bring me back, but at least she will have nothing else to worry about IF i should die on my bike.