What to do if your girlfriend/wife/partner is upset

[NighthawkNZ:Me]

I get her a coffee and then say "get over it..." :slap: but give a hugg tho..

it works

[sidecar bob]

After reading post#1 im pleased to be single.
FFS, Operating a nuclear sub would be simpler.
I mean, "Stop doing the dishes", "Stop preparing food" If that sounds like you, youre ass is owned you poor cunt.

[klingon]

"Stop doing the dishes", "Stop preparing food" If that sounds like you, youre ass is owned you poor cunt.

sidecar bob, in a relationship where both people are working full time, do you think the male should do less than half of the cooking and cleaning? If so, why? He's an adult, not a helpless child.

It has been interesting following this thread. The reason for the initial post was that I realised that my partner (and other men I have known, including my father) simply don't know what women want from them when the woman is upset. I do appreciate it when men help by solving a problem. In the case of a dying parent, there is simply no way my partner can solve the problem. There will be many times in a man's life when he cannot fix something, and feels lost about what he can do to help ease his partner's pain.

I could have written "we want you to listen" or "we want affection" but for many men that is not enough. I suspect that a woman's definition of 'listening' or 'affection' is often different to a man's definition.

So I wrote some specifics, hoping they may help others when a woman in their life is going through a stressful time and her loving partner can't 'fix' the problem and simply doesn't know what to do next.

And by the way, this is by no means one-sided. When my partner was going through a grieving process about a year ago, I supported him the best way I could. I wished at the time that someone could have written some instructions that said "this is what to do when a man you love is grieving." I still hope someone will write them.

[sidecar bob]

Truth is Klingon, i followed your instructions to the letter for five years while running a business, my partner didnt work, & had a housemaid & gardener & everything that opened & shut, & treated me like shit all under the guise of post natal depression.
Be fucked if im ever going down that road again.
They can either harden the fuck up, or piss off.

[MSTRS:Me]

Truth is Klingon, i followed your instructions to the letter for five years while running a business, my partner didnt work, & had a housemaid & gardener & everything that opened & shut, & treated me like shit all under the guise of post natal depression.
Be fucked if im ever going down that road again.
They can either harden the fuck up, or piss off.

That's rough and no doubt more common than one would think. From either sex.
Thing is, if the situation is genuine then we males 'could' be a little more empathic at times without loosing that which makes us manly. Staunch is good for stopping bleeding, but....

[jonbuoy]

Truth is Klingon, i followed your instructions to the letter for five years while running a business, my partner didnt work, & had a housemaid & gardener & everything that opened & shut, & treated me like shit all under the guise of post natal depression.
Be fucked if im ever going down that road again.
They can either harden the fuck up, or piss off.

Your not wrong there - being Mr sensitive all the time will get you screwed over.
Equality, men and women are equal - means you can stand on your own two feet and not play the teary eyed emotional wreck to get your own way.

[Reckless]

Looks like some of the lads that have sat on the sidelines possibly due to not wanting to post because the loss of your father are starting to loose a bit of patience. Easy boys!!!!

It was really hard when I lost my mother, but it'll come right. Be careful not to harm the only other man you care about in your grief. You might need him!

I suspect if me and that poor insenitive hubby of yours went for a beer. He might be saying:

"Shivers mate my wife recently lost her dad. I really love her, but jeepers life is not easy. I'm doing heaps of extra jobs to try and let her grieve and helping out extra with the kids etc. You know I'm doing my best in my own bumbling way. But what ever I do is, well, never quite the correct thing. Shit I'm finding it hard I really liked her dad as well. You know she even posted a thread on the net on how I'm so bloody inadequate at all this emotional stuff. There's even women suggesting I shouldn't get any loving to teach me a lesson. How bad is that!!!!"

[James Deuce]

Still going I see. I must be very lucky or something.

[janno]

I don't really think the whole debate can be broken down in to male/female habits and expectations - to me it's more about if your partner is selfish and thoughtless or not.

And those traits are throughout both genders, probably in equal proportions.

Just as many obnoxious, greedy arsewipely dishonest men out there as there are women. Unfortunately.

I think we should all buy rainbow bumper stickers and instigate group hugs - that will save the world . . .

[jonbuoy]

Looks like some of the lads that have sat on the sidelines possibly due to not wanting to post because the loss of your father are starting to loose a bit of patience. Easy boys!!!!

It was really hard when I lost my mother, but it'll come right. Be careful not to harm the only other man you care about in your grief. You might need him!

I suspect if me and that poor insenitive hubby of yours went for a beer. He might be saying:

"Shivers mate my wife recently lost her dad. I really love her, but jeepers life is not easy. I'm doing heaps of extra jobs to try and let her grieve and helping out extra with the kids etc. You know I'm doing my best in my own bumbling way. But what ever I do is, well, never quite the correct thing. Shit I'm finding it hard I really liked her dad as well. You know she even posted a thread on the net on how I'm so bloody inadequate at all this emotional stuff. There's even women suggesting I shouldn't get any loving to teach me a lesson. How bad is that!!!!"

I didn't read the thread/realise that was the reason for the upset which would totally justify a teary eyed emotional breakdown.

[Macktheknife]

I wished at the time that someone could have written some instructions that said "this is what to do when a man you love is grieving." I still hope someone will write them.

Here you go Klingon...
show up naked, bring lotsa beer! lol.


just kidding

[klingon]

Here you go Klingon...
show up naked, bring lotsa beer! lol.


just kidding

Thanks Mack. So men really are that simple then.

[Macktheknife]

Truth is Klingon, i followed your instructions to the letter for five years while running a business, my partner didnt work, & had a housemaid & gardener & everything that opened & shut, & treated me like shit all under the guise of post natal depression.
Be fucked if im ever going down that road again.
They can either harden the fuck up, or piss off.

Hey Bob,
given your experience there, I would be pretty pissed off too. Might be worth remembering that a good woman may still be in your future, remember to cut her some slack when you meet her. You are right though, no-one who loves you should treat you like shit.
cheers
Mack

[Macktheknife]

Thanks Mack. So men really are that simple then.

No not at all, but that will certainly take our mind off whatever is troubling us, lol.

[sidecar bob]

Hey Bob,
given your experience there, I would be pretty pissed off too. Might be worth remembering that a good woman may still be in your future, remember to cut her some slack when you meet her. You are right though, no-one who loves you should treat you like shit.
cheers
Mack

Cheers for the encouragement Mack, im sure there is a nice woman in my future somtime & if she treats me like gold it will be returned tenfold.