20yo, single mum.

[mynameis]

Not a pisstake

[98tls]

Not a pisstake

About as useful as a 3rd ball on a Greyhound,what do you want her to do with one of them?put it over the baby she already has head.

[Conquiztador]

Not a pisstake

Ah I see where you are going with this. But your teacher got a fraction muddled up. Yes, this IS a rubber. But not the type that can erase mistakes sorry.

[mynameis]

About as useful as a 3rd ball on a Greyhound,what do you want her to do with one of them?put it over the baby she already has head.

Ah I see where you are going with this. But your teacher got a fraction muddled up. Yes, this IS a rubber. But not the type that can erase mistakes sorry.

It's serioiusly not a pisstake.

[Brian d marge]

.This is much easier if you are a parent....in fact it's compulsory.

bugger

the little shit, will be borrowing stuff, What age can they start working ( I have a four year old , he can carry a good few pounds in coal , surely thats got to be worth a few pennies )

I know Ill piss all money against the wall that will stop the bugger.

Stephen

as to the other lady , HTFU , if life wants to be sorted , do it yourself , cause no one else will ( Honestly )

sorry but true .......

[CookMySock]

as to the other lady , HTFU , if life wants to be sorted , do it yourself , cause no one else will ( Honestly ) sorry but true .......

Ah yeah I kinda have to agree here. If you really DO want to help her, you (and her) will be better served if you let her hit rock bottom and grit her teeth and choose a new direction. Sometimes the more you rescue people, the more they need to be rescued, and folks that act this out will never get anywhere.

I like the course idea. Seriously, she needs professional assistance, and doing her favours does her no favours.

Sorry, but life IS a bitch for victims, until they decide that they're not victims anymore.

Steve

[crazyhorse]

Why not look to see if anyone is wanting a live in housekeeper - often they don't mind mothers with a child and sometimes it can be cheaper board too.

I am sure WINZ could offer some sort of help too - there are always shelters of some sorts available, maybe contact the one for battered women, and they may be able to offer some sort of advice or help
Good luck

[driftn]

I do not live with my ex partner and she has custody of our child, she is on the doll and pulls in more money in the hand than I do. WINZ will help!.
They set my ex up, pay bond for new house, bought her a car so she can run around and lots of other things, Personally I think WINZ gives to much as im sure there are woman out there that just go out and get up the duff so that they can get more $$$$.

I tend to agree with DB on this one let her hit the bottom and if she wants help let her find it her self. Its the only way really. Thats the thing about life, It's real, not a game of monopoly.

Thats my rant over.

[Pixie]

I do not live with my ex partner and she has custody of our child, she is on the doll .

What?
One of those inflatable ones?
At least it won't get her pregnant again.

[ManDownUnder]

A couple of things (for her) to do...

1) Stay close to any family or whanau support. Moving to Invers might be cheap but if it mean she no longer has access to free babysitting, and that little bit of freedom to further improve her lot then it's going to be very hard

2) Get her chin up - have her dream a little about where she wants to be in 5 years. Baby will be at school by then, she'll be able to do stuff during the day - working probably.

What does she want to do - start looking at slowly retraining for that now (I know - it's a hard lot right now... and more work appeals about as much as a poke in the eye... so start with the dreams!)

3) Do what you can personally - babysit one night a fortnight maybe. Give her that break so she can plan a social life and stay alive in herself...

4) Get out of any situation where she's locked in with useless shites. A solo mum is one hell of a big job... without additional family crap going on right in her face the whole time

Look for someone in a similar situation, share a house with another Solo Mum. That will reduce housing costs, get her out of the current situation, both adults will have a babysitter handy, and the kids will learn those social skills they need in their formative years. Later on things like the run to kindy etc can be shared too...

5) Have someone go to WINZ (or whatever it's called now) and sit with her to find out ALL her entitlements, what she can get and how to sign up for them. I don't know the list of grants off hand but I suggest a phonecall to start with - get that list handy, then rock on in, confirm EVERYTHING she's entitled to and start from there.

6) Ignore the dickheads in here.

This ain't a no hope situation... but it is hard work. Deal with what's on the plate now (family, baby, benefit entitlements), make sure she keeps a social life of her own, but look to the future too. It's going to make a huge difference if she starts planning now... and working towards something.

Check this out http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/ar...ectid=10543515

It's NOT the end of her life. But it is a time for hard work (and she knows it ... ). Get her some inspiration and some dreams... and work slowly toward them.

[ManDownUnder]

Not a pisstake

Then it's fucken stupid post.

[mynameis]

Then it's fucken stupid post.

What are the chances of her breeding again yet still being in that situation? Highly likely, our tax payer money has to go somewhere.

[Winston001]

A couple of things (for her) to do...

1) Stay close to any family or whanau support. Moving to Invers might be cheap but if it mean she no longer has access to free babysitting, and that little bit of freedom to further improve her lot then it's going to be very hard

2) Get her chin up - have her dream a little about where she wants to be in 5 years. Baby will be at school by then, she'll be able to do stuff during the day - working probably.

What does she want to do - start looking at slowly retraining for that now (I know - it's a hard lot right now... and more work appeals about as much as a poke in the eye... so start with the dreams!)

3) Do what you can personally - babysit one night a fortnight maybe. Give her that break so she can plan a social life and stay alive in herself...

4) Get out of any situation where she's locked in with useless shites. A solo mum is one hell of a big job... without additional family crap going on right in her face the whole time

Look for someone in a similar situation, share a house with another Solo Mum. That will reduce housing costs, get her out of the current situation, both adults will have a babysitter handy, and the kids will learn those social skills they need in their formative years. Later on things like the run to kindy etc can be shared too...

5) Have someone go to WINZ (or whatever it's called now) and sit with her to find out ALL her entitlements, what she can get and how to sign up for them. I don't know the list of grants off hand but I suggest a phonecall to start with - get that list handy, then rock on in, confirm EVERYTHING she's entitled to and start from there.

6) Ignore the dickheads in here.

This ain't a no hope situation... but it is hard work. Deal with what's on the plate now (family, baby, benefit entitlements), make sure she keeps a social life of her own, but look to the future too. It's going to make a huge difference if she starts planning now... and working towards something.

Check this out http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/ar...ectid=10543515

It's NOT the end of her life. But it is a time for hard work (and she knows it ... ). Get her some inspiration and some dreams... and work slowly toward them.

Lots of great advice there Ned.

Having the support of wider family/friends is very important so moving away is an extreme remedy. Moving out however sounds essential unless the household suddenly develops some maturity and compassion.

Being a young mother is a helleva job. Doing it by yourself even harder. My respect for solo parents went up ten-fold once we had our first child.

[Motu]

Yes,that's exactly what my daughter did - she took 4 years to do a 3 year course,with lots of support from her tutors,and they had her teaching new entrants.She sat her final exam last weekend,and this weekend she is coming home to the Whanau,with a plan and goal...and good skills to back it up.

[Genestho]

Something else I thought of...

Plunket Coffee groups. The age is new born usually till daycare) Bound to be a few up there. If the age is older, grab a Treasures mag to find a group, or join Treasures.co.nz.

Coffee Groups might sound a bit Fuddy Duddy to a 20 year Old, but I joined one with my first born, was on my local Plunket committee for a year..out of sheer boredom, but..

I made lasting friends, and it was good to share a whinge about crappy nappies, sleep deprivation, teething etc, ...and find it was all completely normal...(we still swap "are my kids normal" stories) you also found some were in a better position, or worse than others.

If she has a newborn (sorry I did not note the age) - You may even find she has postnatal depression, which is more common than not.

And probably a culture shock for a twenty year old, when all your buddies are partying on, and you are NOT.

She is really quite lucky she lives at home, some young parents are doin it hard, on their own bills wise AND support wise. I know many Ladies who have gone through it!