Depression...

[Indiana_Jones]

hmmmmmmmmm

-Indy

[diversion]

looking for hope and even a friend . i cry in the dark my heart bleeds. feeling like the whole world has left me behind. i crawl into bed and cover my head Wishing i would die in my sleep and awake and be dead. sometimes it too hard to get a handle on life. becoming scared when i realise im to tired to fight

[Nagash]

I wonder if anyone suffers from depression in the same way I do,

Due to a a fair bit of depression in my family history and a number of events i've been diagnosed with clinical depression a few months ago.

I'm having quite a bit of difficulty with this one because it's affecting me in a way not even the psych's can fully explain.

I'm not suicidal in the least, never had a suicidal thought and all in all I enjoy life.

The way it's effecting me is an extreme lack of motivation, and worst of all, quite severe memory loss. Now, i'm only 18 year old, so i'm very young, but I literally have struggle recording what's happened even the day before this one.

I forget things that i've done, what things look like, important events or interviews, it's all rather scary to be honest.

It's been described to me that i've lost so much motivation, that I'm not even bothering to take in my surroundings and that i'm just drifting through life and not registering what's going on, hence why I can't remember it. I personally disagree with this... but they're the smart ones in this sort of thing, not me.

All i've been told at this point is to keep a daily journal of my life (always an interesting read, even if i've read it before) and to stop being so stressed so that I can relax when i'm asleep. This advice was given to me 4 months ago... shall have to go back again and tell them it's not working.


Just wondering if anyone else experiences memory loss due to depression and how they're dealing with it really. Because i've lost friends, partners and those around me are getting quite short about it aswell.

[hospitalfood]

I wonder if anyone suffers from depression in the same way I do,

Due to a a fair bit of depression in my family history and a number of events i've been diagnosed with clinical depression a few months ago.

I'm having quite a bit of difficulty with this one because it's affecting me in a way not even the psych's can fully explain.

I'm not suicidal in the least, never had a suicidal thought and all in all I enjoy life.

The way it's effecting me is an extreme lack of motivation, and worst of all, quite severe memory loss. Now, i'm only 18 year old, so i'm very young, but I literally have struggle recording what's happened even the day before this one.

I forget things that i've done, what things look like, important events or interviews, it's all rather scary to be honest.

It's been described to me that i've lost so much motivation, that I'm not even bothering to take in my surroundings and that i'm just drifting through life and not registering what's going on, hence why I can't remember it. I personally disagree with this... but they're the smart ones in this sort of thing, not me.

All i've been told at this point is to keep a daily journal of my life (always an interesting read, even if i've read it before) and to stop being so stressed so that I can relax when i'm asleep. This advice was given to me 4 months ago... shall have to go back again and tell them it's not working.


Just wondering if anyone else experiences memory loss due to depression and how they're dealing with it really. Because i've lost friends, partners and those around me are getting quite short about it aswell.

it is always hard to know on this site but you seem serious......
i have not experienced what you have.
i think you can change the way you interact with life through force of will and practice, and this is a better option than taking pills.
just decide how you want things to change and work towards that, don't give yourself a hard time if it does not work straight away or you don't hit your goals. be gentle with yourself but keep at it. things will improve.

[vifferman]

I wonder if anyone suffers from depression in the same way I do

Yes, to some extent (although I do also suffer from time to time with the negative/suicidal bit as well). However, it's the forgetting things, finding it hard to think, and lack of motivation that bugs me the most (especially the latter). So much so, that I made an appointment to see my doctor about it. He said I was just getting old.
But I don't believe that's the whole story - it's almost like I've had a brain transplant. I look at some of the things I've done in the past (like work around the house), and I can't believe it was me that did it. I can't relate to the person that I was. My wife doesn't understand - she thinks I'm lazy, I suspect. So, I revert to doing things by habit, and anything new seems too hard. In my job, my work is largely substandard, and I get stuff all done. It just seems all too hard.
I make lots of mistakes too - errors of judgement, dumb mistakes, etc. That's a big piss off too.

[rosie631]

looking for hope and even a friend . i cry in the dark my heart bleeds. feeling like the whole world has left me behind. i crawl into bed and cover my head Wishing i would die in my sleep and awake and be dead. sometimes it too hard to get a handle on life. becoming scared when i realise im to tired to fight

If this is really how you are feeling, you need to reach out for help and fast. Talk to friends or better yet get yourself along to your GP. I have been there before and it is very easy to do something rash, and that could be something you may not live to regret. Things can and will get better but you need help to keep yourself safe now. PM me if you want to talk.

[Winston001]

The way it's effecting me is an extreme lack of motivation, and worst of all, quite severe memory loss. Now, i'm only 18 year old, so i'm very young, but I literally have struggle recording what's happened even the day before this one.

I forget things that i've done, what things look like, important events or interviews, it's all rather scary to be honest.....

Just wondering if anyone else experiences memory loss due to depression and how they're dealing with it really. Because i've lost friends, partners and those around me are getting quite short about it aswell.

Ok the lack of motivation is normal when you are depressed. In simple terms this illness can be either situational/reactive or chronic.

The first is a reaction to some traumatic event in your life and the prognosis is generally good. You can recover. Chronic depression by contrast lasts a long time and needs long-term strategies.

I can't say memory loss is something I've read about as a specific symptom but it makes sense. If you have no motivation, no vitality, no interest in life moment to moment, your brain isn't going to store memories.

If you read this thread - start anywhere - you'll find lots of personal stories and advice. There are no magic answers but even knowing others understand how you feel can make a big difference.

Talking to someone you trust - a counsellor is best, plus exercise, are two strategies which I'd recommend. Nothing wrong with anti-depressants but they are only treat the symptoms.

[Winston001]

So much so, that I made an appointment to see my doctor about it. He said I was just getting old.

The bastard. I hate that.

But I don't believe that's the whole story - it's almost like I've had a brain transplant. I look at some of the things I've done in the past (like work around the house), and I can't believe it was me that did it. I can't relate to the person that I was. My wife doesn't understand - she thinks I'm lazy, I suspect.
.

Boy can I relate to that. Its weird and very frustrating to have your vitality drain away especially if you used to be full of energy. I feel for you that your wife doesn't understand but you can see her perspective.

The loss of interest and activity is subtle and occurs over years so there is no sudden change for those close to you to see. The lazy/old age explanation is the easiest. Fight that Viff, don't let the bastards grind you down. Talk to your wife, it won't be easy and might take a few conversations, but explain it in terms of your own frustration and loss of energy.

In my case I've found a physiological cause. My heart has dropped a valve and needs a new shims.

[YellowDog]

If this is really how you are feeling, you need to reach out for help and fast. Talk to friends or better yet get yourself along to your GP. I have been there before and it is very easy to do something rash, and that could be something you may not live to regret. Things can and will get better but you need help to keep yourself safe now. PM me if you want to talk.

I think you'll find that the post was a quote from a poem.

At least I hope it was?

[vifferman]

The loss of interest and activity is subtle and occurs over years so there is no sudden change for those close to you to see.

Well, y'see that was the thing: it seemed to happen relatively rapidly, which was what was so alarming to me. I even questioned the doctor about whether it could be due to too many years on antidepressants bugring up my brain (one of the ones I was on was a toxic dose!) and he said not. He sent me for the full battery of blood tests though.

Yeah, I did talk to me wife, to try to relieve some of the frustration she seemed to have with me. I don't think it was entirely successful, especially since she seems to think I "have plenty of motivation for motorcycles". Maybe that's why in the last couple of years, I've had a total of three (3!) non-communtering rides, two of which were shortish, and for the purpose of setting up my suspension. The other was maybe 5 hours in total, and was more'n 6 months ago.

[YellowDog]

Well I guess I hoped that my journey might help others see that the future can be brighter but I fully realise that everyones situation is different. BMW, I'm sorry to hear that you are being mucked around...and yep, I know that head against the brick wall feeling

The S.A.D. thing...jeez at the moment I find it hard to stay awake past 8.30 at night...my body clock is definately still in the adjustment stage...my brain is saying "its dark, time to curl up and go sleepybyes" LOL.

Last night a friend said that she might as well put her bike in storage cos its winter. My reaction was "why? its not like we live in the deep south...this is Auckland!!!! We can ride all year round. Just bite the bullet and invest in some decent winter riding gear...".

Being able to ride daily and also get outside with my dogs is a blessing.

I also bought a SAD light box years ago, as I was living in the UK and in the winters it was getting quite dark from ariound 3pm.

Before I got it, I used to be late for everything in my life. Now I am more positive and never late.

I have used a SAD alarm clock for about 5 years now. I always awake about 5 minutes before the alarm goes off.

Would highly recommend SAD lights as a way to help.

[rosie631]

I think you'll find that the post was a quote from a poem.

At least I hope it was?

Oh, ok. Well, yeah, I hope it was too.

[Kittyhawk]

How is everyone - just checking in - then out??

Cant work
Cant ride
No fun in a cage

Ive taken up study, reading biker mags, and trying to be productive with my recovery time.

Ya get the up and down days, but keep plodding along, such is life.

[Hard Nut]

I have seen some popular threads before but this one has reason for concern.

Lots of people suffering some form of depression out there me included.

Nuts

[Blackshear]

I have seen some popular threads before but this one has reason for concern.

Lots of people suffering some form of depression out there me included.

Nuts

Somewhere to let out a bit of the bottled thoughts/repression.
Somewhere to reach out I guess.