Best line you've ever given a cop?

[jasonu]

Cop.Why did you pull a wheelie?
C.T. Didn't you see that car full of hot chicks? I got a boner and it got caught in the handle bars and made the front wheel come up.

Not mine, a story from a guy I knew, Craig Tasker. Probably bullshit but funny anyway.

Another one from an old mate who got pulled up on the Auck water front for speeding.
The cop started with a condesending toned question loke 'do you know how fast you were going' blah blah.
My mate says 'if you are going to give me a ticket then hurry up and write it, if not can I go now?
He got a ticket...

[Owl]

I knew I guy once that fell asleep drunk in his ute, right outside his house.

Cop opens the door, drunk drops can, wakes up and says "Aw fuck, yer spilt my piss yer cunt".

[Maha]

Drunk dude ''You got room for a six pack and a pizza''?
Scumdog ''Yeah mate just get in the bloody car alright, opps mind ya head''
Drunk dude

[FJRider]

It's ALWAYS 'a couple''

Drink kills the part of the mind that enables people to count accurately.

I've noticed that ... a couple of times ...

[scumdog]

Another one from an old mate who got pulled up on the Auck water front for speeding.
The cop started with a condesending toned question loke 'do you know how fast you were going' blah blah.
My mate says 'if you are going to give me a ticket then hurry up and write it, if not can I go now?
He got a ticket...

In my line of work it is referred to as "Talking himself into a ticket"

Not sure why they do it...

[MIXONE]

In my line of work it is referred to as "Talking himself into a ticket"

Not sure why they do it...

On the other side of the fence for me it's "Yes sir.no sir,3 bags full sir".Being a smartarse with a copper is a guaranteed way to increase your level of shit.(A lesson I learnt the hard way as a young feller).

[Dave Lobster]

On the other side of the fence for me it's "Yes sir.no sir,3 bags full sir".Being a smartarse with a copper is a guaranteed way to increase your level of shit.(A lesson I learnt the hard way as a young feller).

It's very difficult not to sometimes.
I was talking to one on the phone the other week, and giving him an email address to send me something. Replies:
"dot com.. is that all one word?"
Asking me such a fucking stupid question.. I mean, come on..
"er.. dot, as in, full stop.. ?!"
"Smart guy, huh?"
"mmm.. smart enough to know that..."

[Toaster]

Cop: " Would you blow in to this bag, please?"

Me: " Why, are your chips too hot??"

Just the pie mate, just the pie.

[Toaster]

In my line of work it is referred to as "Talking himself into a ticket"

Not sure why they do it...

Stupidity. That is why.

[Shadows]

By far the best one I've heard came from my daughter who was 5 at the time.
Just when the cop stuck his head in the window to talk to me she cried out at full volume from the back seat "just tell him to fuck off, Daddy!"
The cop cracked up laughing and sent me on my way. He must have thought I was a model parent though.

[Toaster]

good follow up question But you missed out "40s"

And table-sucking. Or was that just Upper Hutt in the 80s?

[Maha]

Man..''Is that a truncheon in your pants or are you just pleased to see me''
Cop....''no its a Mars Bar''.

[jasonu]

I heard this on talk back radio from a cop.
One ANZAC day around noon he had pulled an old couple as their car was weaving. He asked the old guy driving where he had been.
'At the dawn parade' the old guy replies.
'Been to the rassa afterwards?' asks the cop.
'Yes'
'Had anything to drink sir?'
'One or two' says the old guy
Then his wife pipes up and says
'you lying sod Fred, you've had six!'

True or not, still funny stuff

[swbarnett]

Pulled up beside one at the lights after following them for a while and observing some very bad lane changes. I asked him how he expected other drivers to follow the indication laws if he didn't lead by example and indicate every manouvre. I got the reply in a very restrained voice "Thank you sir, good day". The cop in the passenger seat was finding it very hard to not burst out laughing.

[Hugo Nougo]

Back in another lifetime I passed a cop going the other way, I was doing about 160kph so no surprise the lights come on and the chase was on, I turned off onto the road to Hamner Springs and turned the wick up... unfortunately the motor responded by coughing and spluttering, 2 plug caps had popped off, the cop pulled up to find me pulling the tank off the bike, when he asked why I was speeding I told him because the bike was only running on 2 and I was aiming for 240kph, luckily he had a sense of humour and only gave me a ticket for the 160, he wrote on the ticket ; reason given for speeding - bike not running well. I still have the ticket.